Jokes my brother sends me - dying edition

[rurallib]

[The Gates of Heaven]

A woman arrived at the Gates of
Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint
Peter to greet her, she peeked through the
gates. She saw a beautiful banquet
table. Sitting all around were her parents
and all the other people she had loved and who
had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to
her. "Hello - How are you! We've
been waiting for you! Good to see
you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I
get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told
her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled 'Love',
and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and
asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of
Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman
said. "How have you been?"



"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you
died," her husband told her.

"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care
of you while you were ill. And then
I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the
little house you and I lived in and bought a
huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled
all around the world. We were on vacation
in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I
fell and hit my head, and here I am. What
a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."


An Irishman Lies Dying

An Irishman lies dying; his wife is by his bedside.
He says in a weakened voice “There is something I must confess”.

“Shhhh” said the wife, “there is nothing to confess”
She holds his hand and caresses his head.
“Everything is all right” she whispers.

“NO!!” the husband replied “I must die in peace...I had sex with your
sister, your best friend, her best friend and your best friend's mum!”

“I know,” she whispered, “That's why I poisoned you. Now close your eyes”..

[Ohiogal]

1. Good ones!

[elleng]

2. ;-)

[appalachiablue]

3. Merci beacoups!!!

[First Speaker]

4. OK--a man arrives in Heaven who spent his life investigating the death of JFK...

...and is brought before God and told he can ask Him any one question he desires. Naturally, the gentleman in question takes a deep breath and asks God eagerly: "Lord, please. You must tell me, and at last I'll know the truth: who killed President Kennedy?"
And God looks at him thoughtfully and answers: "well, you know, I have a theory about that..."