I have some position openings! READY TO HIRE!

[LuckyCharms]

Position openings:

1) JUNIOR FREAKIN' MOOK.

As a Junior Freakin' Mook (JFM), you will be responsible for bringing me some freakin' coffee when I tell you to get me some. You will also be responsible for bringing me my freakin' tools. You will be required to respond to specific commands quickly and accurately while under pressure. For example: "HAND ME THOSE FREAKIN' PLIERS, YOU FREAKIN' MOOK". You must also be able to provide management with critical answers to important questions in order to provide valuable input to the company and facilitate executive decision making. For example: "WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR FREAKIN' PROBLEM, YOU FREAKIN' MOOK"? Outstanding pay at $4.00/hour. Superior Performance Awards (your paycheck). Apply now!

2) FUGGIN' STUNAD.

As a Fuggin' Stunad (FS), you will be responsible for keepin' an eye on the Junior Freakin' Mook (JFM). Duties include: 1) Making sure the JFM is not firing up a fat blunt out behind the dumpster. 2) Makin' sure the JFM is sober while operating the fuggin' saw and 3) Other duties as required. Outstanding pay at $4.01/hour. Superior performance awards.

APPLY NOW!!!!

[Just a Weirdo]

1. Dude, that's below minimum wage, goombah.

Union pay, or we do nuffin' at all!

[Glamrock]

2. You had me for JFM

Until I saw the "no blunts behind the dumpster" thing.

[Turbineguy]

3. Are these Union jobs?

I only take Union jobs.

[DFW]

4. Hey, I tried, too. Still no takers

Exciting (sometimes) stressful (usually) job position available (mine).

No union. I invented my position within my outfit. It's a union of one. Two, while you're training, then one again when I retire.

Benefits: High salary, world travel, as much vacation as you want, as long as the work gets done.

Drawbacks: The work is NEVER done. You don't get to sleep. A few requirements: both EU and US working papers. Ability to detect counterfeit U.S. and world money back to about 1792 (preferably before, too). Ability to write and converse in Spanish, French, German, Russian (or Polish) and at least one Scandinavian language (preferably Swedish). Those are a must. Catalan, Italian and Dutch would be a plus. I painted myself into a corner. The job security I created was so secure, I can't find anybody to take my place.

The line of applicants is not exactly stretching around the corner.

[OriginalGeek]

5. sounds like fun!

I'd ask for on the job training but I'm afraid we'll both be long gone before I learn all that.


I knew I should have taken another language in high school. We had Spanish but I only ever learned how to ask for beer and where the bathroom was. But if you need a Mexico liaison that can get you beer and point you towards the can, I'm your man!

[DFW]

6. Double whammy

Not only do I already live in Germany, but I HATE beer. It's everywhere, and I can't stand the stuff.

How's that for the Gift of the Magi?

[OriginalGeek]

7. O!

what a twist!

[onethatcares]

8. is this a

1099 position? Can I buy my own healthcare insurance?

Thanks, I need a job and your pay plan is only lacking a commission kicker . Can we do that?



btw, I don't have to pee in a cup, do I?