Do I need a lawyer?

[cynatnite]

My mother has terminal cancer. Her health is on the slow decline and today I made the decision to start planning for what's to come. I've consulted with a funeral home, I have power of attorney now and a few other minor things.

Sadly, I'm honestly not sure if she'll be around by Christmas.

So, I have to start thinking about the future and I don't know if I need a lawyer or not.

The house we're living in is my mother's name. We're making the payments. It would be nice if we could transfer the loan into our name, but I'm not sure if it's possible because of our credit. I'm worried we may be forced to sell the house.

Thing is, I want to be as prepared as I can be now because I don't think I can deal with it all later on when it does happen.

I'm my mother's 24/7 caregiver. My sister is in Oklahoma and she can't do much because she has very little money. Most of the financial obligations, including funeral expenses, will fall on us.

I'm mostly worried about the house. We would like to continue living in it if it's possible.

[samir.g]

1. Yes, and create a trust if you have time.

Put the house in the name of the trust, and be a member of the trust.

[elleng]

2. Yes, you should consult a nearby attorney

who is familiar with wills/estates/trusts/real estate.

EDIT: Ignore advice elsewhere about whether you can keep the house immediately. (Sounds like you may be beneficiary, or partly at least, so don't be concerned about ending up on the street.)

[lapfog_1]

3. you have power of attorney... so that is a big help

you are empowered to make the financial decisions.

Depending on the loan balance, other assets your mother may have to will to you, etc, you might not be able to keep the house past the end of your mothers life.

so, yes, I would get a lawyer for this issue alone. Be aware that good lawyers cost $$$ so you might weigh your options (sell the house, spit the proceeds after paying off the mortgage with your sister, etc) versus trying to get a new loan to cover the transfer to you, what your sister may or may not be willing to do as far as her share of anything, title transfer, loan origination, etc.

Anyway, consult with a mortgage banker, a real estate agent, and the attorney before deciding on what to do.

[SWBTATTReg]

4. I am so sorry to hear this sad news re. your mother.

Bless her, and I think that your Mom is blessed to have someone like you to help her in her most desperate time of need.

I would think (and I'm not an attorney, perhaps one of our fellow DUers can offer more along their job skills to aid you) that it might be smart to just bring an attorney in (or more than one kind of attorney may be needed, depends on what area of law they need to be involved w/), if anything, to ensure that you've done everything you can. Perhaps your mother has insurance that when she passes, the home can remain in your family's name (e.g., payoff the loan, etc.).

Perhaps with all of your care giving that you are providing, you can place a significant lien on the home for your unpaid (maybe?) care, thus at least secure something for all of your hard work and efforts.

God bless all of you...

[exboyfil]

6. How much equity in house

What does the will say. Was the will written before you got POA. You have been providing uncompensated assistance to your mother. Technically without a will you share the equity in the house with your sister. If the mortgage has a low interest rate, I think it would be difficult to keep it. If you do have equity in the house I think it would be appropriate to borrow against it in your mother's name for funeral expenses. You should talk to an attorney though. I am not sure you can use a POA like that or if a bank would grant a second mortgage in that case. An estate should first satisfy burial expenses. It should not come out of your pocket. Next you have to satisfy all debts with the estate

[Phoenix61]

7. I would talk with an attorney as soon as possible

Having the situation with the house squared away will be one less thing to worry about. Also, while I have no idea what your relationship is now with your sister, people sometimes get squirrelly after a parent passes. Taking care of things now will allow your mother to weigh in on the decision. Try and take care of yourself. I know how difficult it can be. I took care of my mom for two years before she died from Alzheimer's.

[mahina]

8. I'd guess it might be difficult to bring the matter up with your Mom. AARP had an article a while

Back about how to have these conversations with as little stress as possible.

I found these, though neither is the article I remember.
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/talk-end-of-life-care.html

https://www.aarp.org/relationships/caregiving-resource-center/info-08-2010/elc_beginning_the_conversation_about_end_of_life.html

I’d add that you don’t just need a lawyer, you need a decent person who is a lawyer, who can help and whose fees you understand and accept without surprises. How to find that person? Word of mouth, google, Yelp, the phone book and the state bar association maybe?

I don’t know, but wish you all the luck and wishing your Mom comfort and peace.

[Frustratedlady]

9. In addition to consulting a lawyer, I would be sure to save all receipts for meds or other purchases

made for your mother's benefit. Also, document the period of time you have provided personal care for her...months, years. If your sister should protest any benefits you received or reimbursements, you would have proof.


When an estate comes up, it is surprising how siblings/family members can change. I've gone through several and was shocked to learn how greedy and unreasonable they can be. It seems that the ones who provided the least amount of energy/consideration were the greediest and most accusing toward the caregivers. I imagine guilt plays a big part.

Good luck. Peace to you and an easy passing to your mother. She's lucky to have you by her side.

[cynatnite]

10. I have an appointment with a lawyer we've used before...

I'll see him tomorrow morning.

We found about the cancer back in late March. We were told that Mom has 9-12 months. She's held her own fairly well, considering, but the last few weeks she's been on a decline, mentally. She's 73 years old. She was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer. She had lesions on her brain which she got radiation for. The cancer has spread more, but the chemo has slowed it down in some areas.

She doesn't get around well at all now and her memory isn't good. Plus I recently discovered that she has not been paying her bills. I've got most of those caught up over the last few weeks. Her supplemental insurance lapsed as well, which I found out today. I talked to a rep and they're resubmitting her claims for those, too.

There is also a car that's not paid for. It's a 2016. We can't afford to keep the car and it's an ongoing debate on whether to let it go back or not. She financed it through Toyota and I don't want to contact them just yet.

I decided that it's time to get all of these things settled. I put them off in the past because I wasn't ready to deal with them on top of the diagnosis. Seeing how she's declined is why I decided now was the time.

My sister is 100% against cremation, but she's not in any financial position to pay for a full burial plus transfer a casket from TN to OK, where she lives. My sister wants Mom buried next to Dad. Were it not for that kind of expense, I would be fine with it. With cremated remains, my sister can still bury mom next to Dad since that plot is paid for. I'm not going to fight with her over this stuff. I'm just going to do it. She specifically told me on her last visit here that she was fine with me handling all of it. Today, I think she forgot when I brought up the visit I had with a funeral home to her. I'll remind her when we talk again.

Anyway, it's a lot to deal with and I'd rather do it now than later, when I don't think I would be thinking clearly.

Thanks for the advice everyone! It means a lot!

[elleng]

12. Excellent, especially that you already know the attorney.

[bif]

11. Recently went through this with my dad.

The lawyer was a huge help. They helped me get him on Medicade and lots of other stuff. Good luck with everything.

[orleans]

13. i went through something similar

i lived in my mom's house. it was in her name. she had a home equity line of credit she paid on monthly through automatic bank draw. my name was on her checking account.

she went into the hospital. they determined she was dying (but thought she had more than six months and wouldn't qualify for hospice.)

i talked to our fucking family lawyer. my friend said i needed to have her sign a quitclaim deed to get the house into my name. (i being an only child)

fucking lawyer said no--he said if she went into a nursing home the state would take her house to help pay for the nursing home and if i showed them a quitclaim deed they would know i was trying to pull a fast one.

i couldn't think straight. she was dying! i listened to our fucking family lawyer.

within a week she transferred to nursing home for palliative care so she could gain a little strength for when she would come home two weeks later (because suddenly they decided she would be a candidate for hospice!)

she died within that week. (it had been nearly two weeks since she had first gone into the hospital and poof! she was gone. just that quick!)

went to see the lawyer after she died. he said "the bank could call the note."

(my mom had just refinanced the house/her balloon loan earlier that year for another seven years.)

i spent the following years living in a house of cards--putting money into our checking account for that auto bank draft every month and avoiding telling anyone (other than friends & neighbors) that she had died, thinking i could lose the house at any given moment.

because you have a sister it might be more difficult for you--or you might have to have her name on the house with you.

ask your lawyer (gag) if you get a quitclaim deed will the bank need to refinance under your name or can you just assume ownership and continue making the payments.

i didn't have enuf income for them to refinance under my name after 7 years when the time was up. i knew that would happen. so i put the house up for sale then. and sold it and the bank was paid back their entire loan. and i lost the house i had lived in since i was a child. it was devastating.

i hope things work out much better for you. i'm sorry about your mom and what you are going through.

[RobinA]

14. I Would Suggest

a financial adviser with estates and trusts experience. Ask them about a lawyer. My father, who wasn't known to be a master planner ahead, did see a planner probably 10-15 years before he died and things were in pretty good shape thanks to this woman. Now my mother is still alive and is in pretty good shape (financially and health), but my sister and I continue to work with the planner to make things as smooth as possible when my mother goes. There will definitely be decisions to make when that time comes, but at least we are set up with as few money hassles as possible. I have my own planner who I keep apprised.

[Major Nikon]

15. Anything that is in your moms name only will have to go through probate

At that point you will definitely need a lawyer and the time and expense involved will be greater. Best to consult with a lawyer now and get your name added to the deed and any other significant property like autos, etc. I’ve been through this with my parents and in-laws.

[mulsh]

16. Yes. the sooner you contact one the better. I have administered three estates in the past 10 years.

I was fortunate to have good attorneys working with me. Especially on the two estates, my twin brother and one of my closest friends who died intestate ( without a will). In all cases I was not a beneficiary. In every case the attorney protected the estate and all parties involved. Also the attorneys saved us all a lot of time and money.

If you don't know of any attorneys your state bar can refer you to one who specializes in probate cases.