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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMillions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump
Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump
By Andy Borowitz
https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5a84522556b75c08a3e5b84e/master/w_813,c_limit/Borowitz-Millions-Americans-Demand-130000-for-Not-Having-Sex-with-Trump.jpg
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Millions of Americans on Wednesday demanded that Donald J. Trumps personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, issue them checks in the amount of $130,000 for not having sex with Trump. After Cohen revealed that he had issued such a check to Stormy Daniels, a porn star who he claims never had intimate relations with his client, there was widespread outrage among other Americans who had also not had sex with Trump but had not been paid for not doing so.
Dont get me wrong, Im happy for Stormy Daniels, Tracy Klugian, a florist in Santa Rosa, California, said. I just want my check, too.
Harland Dorrinson, a bank teller in Akron, Ohio, said that he had already e-mailed Cohen to demand payment. I have never come close to having sex with Trump, and that should be worth something, he said. Specifically, $130,000.
But, even as millions of Americans clamored to be compensated for abstaining from sex with Cohens client, others, like Carol Foyler, of Tallahassee, Florida, took a different view. Never having sex with Donald Trump should be a reward in itself, she said.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-of-americans-demand-130000-for-not-having-sex-with-trump?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20021418&CNDID=49507232&spMailingID=12931975&spUserID=MTkwMDE4MjcxNzQyS0&spJobID=1341291132&spReportId=MTM0MTI5MTEzMgS2
sheshe2
(83,785 posts)niyad
(113,323 posts)of all the bs we DO get from him.
SoCalMusicLover
(3,194 posts)The payoff was for not talking about it.
Sorry to say, but first you have to have sex with Orange Man, then you get the payoff.
niyad
(113,323 posts)Major Nikon
(36,827 posts)So obviously carnal knowledge isn't a requirement
dchill
(38,501 posts)The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,719 posts)I can't think of anything more disgusting than having that blob of orange suet sweating and panting on top of me, and if I had to I'd pay to avoid it. It would be a sort of anti-prostitution.
niyad
(113,323 posts)PearliePoo2
(7,768 posts)But at least suet can provide nourishment to our feathered friends. BLOTUS provides NOTHING to others....EVER.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,492 posts)If I hung him in one of my trees, all my lovelies would leave the county and a flock of buzzards would suddenly appear.
Thanks, you just reminded me I need to put out suet cakes!
...............
sprinkleeninow
(20,249 posts)creature. Destined only for the trashcan.
[I made myself ill with that one.🤤]
sarge43
(28,941 posts)would cause any normal human being to run screaming into the night.
RestoreAmerica2020
(3,435 posts)Last edited Wed Feb 14, 2018, 05:18 PM - Edit history (1)
Or was the 130K the last installment of an agreed amount back in 2006. Also, if Ms Daniels broke the confidentiality agreement signed in exchange for payment what could possibly happen to her?
Daniels should just spill the sopa ( details, gossip) and write a tell all book, sell movie rights, hell would make a salacious Spanish novela, where in the end (novelas end unlike our American soap operas) the evil powerful group, person always get their just rewards.
niyad
(113,323 posts)getagrip_already
(14,757 posts)She was shopping her story around to various outlets. She probably didn't have a lot of offers, certainly none exceeding $130k.
She just signed up with the highest bidder. She could have held out a little longer, but the day after election day her story would be worth a whole lot less, especially since most people thought he would lose.
Gothmog
(145,291 posts)Floyd R. Turbo
(26,547 posts)sell everything I own and pay to not have sex with it!
Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)niyad
(113,323 posts)sprinkleeninow
(20,249 posts)Compensation for daily pain and suffering.
niyad
(113,323 posts)sprinkleeninow
(20,249 posts)Class action suit.🤔
😉
dchill
(38,501 posts)world wide wally
(21,744 posts)niyad
(113,323 posts)IronLionZion
(45,447 posts)calimary
(81,298 posts)Outstanding point!
Hermit-The-Prog
(33,348 posts)TrumPutin surely wouldn't be guilty of sexual discrimination! That would be illegal.
niyad
(113,323 posts)Hermit-The-Prog
(33,348 posts)Tell that thing to gimme my money!
fierywoman
(7,684 posts)niyad
(113,323 posts)redstatebluegirl
(12,265 posts)I would be celibate forever if he was the last man on earth.
sprinkleeninow
(20,249 posts)Makes one wanna 🤤 and 🤧. For real.
calimary
(81,298 posts)niyad
(113,323 posts)dlk
(11,566 posts)Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin
(108,010 posts)I mean I'm a straight but even if I was gay I'd still think sex with Trump would be repulsive.