If you need a good laugh, don't miss this one :-)

[syringis]

A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks for?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Donald Trump's clock?" asked the man.

St. Peter pointed upwards and said, "Right there, we're using it as a ceiling fan.

[fierywoman]

1. Thank you syringis! Yet again you

contributed something of quirky humor and made me laugh.

[syringis]

3. You're welcome Fierywoman

[Irish_Dem]

2. Good one! nt

[syringis]

4. Thank you Irish Dem

[Irish_Dem]

6. YW. It is amazing you can do this, humor and idiom are hard

when it is not your first language.

[syringis]

10. I've been raised in 2 different cultures surrounded by 3 languages :-)

It helps a lot

It is very common. Kids have amazing facilities to learn? Foreign languages should be teached as early as possible.

[Irish_Dem]

13. Yes I started french lessons at age 10.

And continued with them until college.
De Gaulle's French, Classic French did me in as a college junior.
I can read french better than I can write it

Et pardonnez-moi de vous corriger, mais the past tense of TEACH n'est pas TEACHED mais TAUGHT.

[syringis]

14. NEVER apoligize when you correct me :-)

Thank you very much to do it

[Irish_Dem]

16. You rarely make mistakes.

I am glad to help you!

[Bernardo de La Paz]

24. I started French at 8. Never did go beyond high school.

I had extra French classes twice a week in high school.

We read Le Canard Enchainé with the tutor.

When I went to California I picked up a little Spanish. Initially I pronounced it with a French accent. Then later I had occasion to speak some French again and found myself speaking it with a Spanish accent!

Nowadays I tutor English 4 hours a week as a volunteer for immigrants.

[Irish_Dem]

27. That is interesting about the accents with second and third languages.

I took so many years of French in school, ten years of it, I should have been fluent, but was not. Even took French in college.

Did you have to get ESL training or can you volunteer without it?
I have thought about doing some English language tutoring.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

30. Anybody can tutor English. But getting training is always a good idea.

It depends on whatever group you are working with in whatever region and what their needs are. I think there is almost certainly more demand than supply of EAL (English as an Alternate/Another Language) just about everywhere. You don't even have to have a group. If you put up a sign at a library that has some study rooms where you can talk, you'll get "customers".

You just have to listen to your student and see what patterns they fall into with speaking, listening, reading, and writing. Then you can cook up exercises to practice those areas. I don't know all the grammar terms, but I look up stuff with the student as needed. For example one wanted to understand "would, could, should", and similar words. Turns out they are "modal verbs".

I started tutoring English a year and a half ago with no training. A little after I took a few hours of training. Now the coordinator has asked me twice to present about my experience at training sessions.

[Irish_Dem]

31. Thank you for sharing...very interesting...

I almost majored in English but went in another direction.
I was strong in that area, but I have no training.

....will look around for opportunities....

[Bernardo de La Paz]

39. My degree is in Computer Science & Mathematics

I tutor one on one but it I don't structure lesson plans. We talk, we both read out loud, he brings little one or two page writings, I correct constantly as much as I can.

[beveeheart]

34. I used to teach high school French and now volunteer at a library teaching ESL.

The students don't have to sign-up for this conversation class, but many are enrolled in regular ESL classes through local churches and community colleges. Over the course of the last year I had students from 27 different countries with varying degrees of fluency in English. As you can imagine, some days the class is quite challenging, but it is totally worth it! All are adults and most have graduate degrees, so topics of conversation range from simple things such as talking about their family members to discussions about current local, national and international events, religion, politics, holidays, cuisine, history (US as well as their own). I have learned so much from these discussions and I would recommend volunteering to anyone interested.

[Irish_Dem]

35. Wow, this sounds like something I could do.

A conversation class, not a regular ESL class since I don't have the training.

Thank you!

[beveeheart]

38. You're welcome!

[Bernardo de La Paz]

23. Absolutely. 3 things really boost brain performance: Language, Music, & Mathematics.

Especially for children. If your child or a child does well in all three, they can have any career they want.

Music is the art of patterns.
Mathematics is the science of patterns.
Language is the pattern of interaction between people.

[syringis]

25. I don't understand why foreign languages are not thaught earlier...

A child's brain is like a sponge : it absorbs a huge amount of informations. Also, it really develop the curiosity, makes children open to the others and eases interaction with them.

It also helps to prevent prejudice and get a good critical mind. Wich will prevent from stupid stuff like racism...

[Bernardo de La Paz]

29. Yes, but American Exceptionalism is chauvinistic & thinks American English is the only real lang

It's how the Trumpanzees crippled themselves; thinking America First is the only philosophy you need.

[Irish_Dem]

40. Yes American Exceptionalism prevents us from being exceptional. nt

[democratisphere]

5. BOL!

Really good one!!!

[hlthe2b]

7. LOL... that would create a wind tunnel. ;)

[syringis]

11. Just what needed...

...to produce industrial "sundried" oranges (does that exist ? )

[2naSalit]

8. K&R

[shraby]

9. Good one.

[underpants]

12. Lawyer goes to heaven

No really just keep reading

St. Peter "You spent 700,000 hours alive. How many of those hours would you say you were a good honest decent person?"

The Lawyer says, "Actual hours or billable hours?"

[syringis]

15. LOL

No wonder why lawyers have such reputation when you look at Trump's wHinner team...

[sprinkleeninow]

43. Is that supposta be Trump's 'hiney' team? 😝😆🤣😂

[keithbvadu2]

17. An oldie but a goodie.

An oldie but a goodie.

It just keeps getting updated with new elections.

[syringis]

19. Hello keithbvadu2

It is a good thing. I never heard it before

But I have seen old jokes updated. It is always a pleasure to read them with a new eye.

[keithbvadu2]

21. Some of our jokes go back over 100 or even several hundred years.

Probably even some based on the Bible or Torah.

[syringis]

22. I have learned something.

Thank you

[MustLoveBeagles]

18. LOL

[syringis]

20. Hello MustLoveBeagles

I love your nickname

I'm crazy about beagles. Mine is stubborn, he drives me crazy time to time but he is adorable, so lovely and very funny. It is really a great breed

[MustLoveBeagles]

41. Thank you

We have a female blue tick and a male tri color. They are a handful even in their old age but we love them dearly. They're wonderful companions. Our female tri color passed away last year the day before her 11th birthday. She's missed but not forgotten.

[lark]

26. Brilliant!

thanks

[FirstLight]

28. lmao

but at the same time...crying...

[pazzyanne]

32. Thank you

That brought a laugh into my life, and there is not much to laugh about these days. Greatly appreciated.

[syringis]

33. Hello Pazzyanne

You're welcome.

[beveeheart]

36. Welcome to DU!

[sakabatou]

37. You owe me a keyboard!

[sprinkleeninow]

42. Hello moja droga!

Your jocular joke I sent to hub's phone and he guffawed big!

Studded French and Latin in h.s. Never continued. Curiously, I really enjoyed Latin. Go figure!

Your buddy across la mare,

~sprink

[Snotcicles]

44. Sharing it elsewhere. nt

[colorado_ufo]

45. Oh that was fantastic!