Funeral etiquette request: mourners are Jewish, relative not, Christian service. Plant okay?

[moriah]

We are helping them by hosting the sister and brother-in-law of the deceased and doing everything else we can, and I asked her if she really wanted to lug a bunch of flowers back to Texas when we were writing the obituary. She said, after thinking about probably many things (flowers not being traditionally Jewish, the truth that there'll be many, etc) and still said "I want flowers".

So I was thinking about a compromise (and yes, she is both a convert and Reformed) -- us sending a rosebush they could plant. It's not killing a beautiful thing just for a funeral, and sadly I can't find kosher food baskets.

Does anyone think this would be offensive?

Thanks!

[gibraltar72]

1. About

six feet deep should do.

[dhol82]

2. You forgot the sarcasm thingy

Not funny.

[vlyons]

3. "Kosher" food basket is easy

Fruit is kosher. So just buy whatever fruit is in season at your local market and put it in an attractive basket. It may be a little early for rose bushes at your garden center. But planting a sapling tree might be a good alternative. Call the cemetery and ask their advice. Better yet, call a local Jewish synagogue and ask to speak to the rabbi for his advice.

[moriah]

6. Thanks!

I know that the big thing is that cutting flowers and killing them for a funeral is Just Not Done, but know little else.

And sadly we won't be able to be there for the true shiva, they are departing back home to another state immediately after the services. So if it was going to be a food basket it was going to have to be mailed vs made and hand-delivered.

It's been a hard Hanukkah for them, she passed Wednesday morning.

[vlyons]

9. kosher basket

You could make a basket with some nice fruit jellies and preserves and some English biscuits and teas. Or you could make a monetary donation in the deceased person's name to some charitable organization. Do call and speak to a rabbi.

[Louis1895]

4. Have you looked at this site?

https://www.challahconnection.com

They have a variety of Kosher sympathy and Shiva gifts. Food baskets, etc.

[moriah]

7. Thank you... this does help.

I appreciate it.

[dhol82]

5. If I read this correctly, the mourner is Jewish

You could think about having a tree planted in Israel.
That would just mean the mourner would get a card but it would be something that will live on that could give her solace.

[MaryMagdaline]

8. My in laws are Jewish and it varies person to person

Mother-in-law loved flowers and sister-in-law hated them. My husband hated them as well. So even if your closet friend in the family loves flowers, someone else could truly hate them. My SIL is still upset by other family members putting flowers on her father's casket before it was lowered. (Thankfully they were related to her, not me).

[moriah]

10. Fortunately it's not really that type of situation, kinda the reverse.

My mom grew up with both sisters, and they had been raised Christian. The sister who passed and the rest of the family remained Christian, but the older sister converted when she married. The sister who passed never had any children of her own, but the cousins, etc, are all Christian. All their true religious community is in Texas, and I'm hopeful that since Shiva won't start for them until they're on their way back home, they'll have the support of people who understand better.

We were debating putting "in lieu of flowers" last night in the obit, but since she said she wanted them, we just mentioned charities her sister supported too instead of the "no flowers" request.

Of course, because it's a Christian service and all her sister's church friends are Christian, they know there'll be the flower deluge even if you say not to send them (probably most aren't aware the principal mourners are Jewish), so that might have been part of her thinking.

I just thought... if she wanted flowers, I'd rather give flowers that will bloom every year.

I'm going to check out the stuff people mentioned on good nosh food, though, if nothing else we might be able to send them home with some stuff.