Polar Vortex Causes Hundreds of Injuries as People Making Snide Remarks About Climate Change Are Pun

[hue]

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/01/polar-vortex-causes-hundreds-of-injuries-as-people-making-snide-remarks-about-climate-change-are-pun.html

(satire)

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—The so-called polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said “so much for global warming” and similar comments were punched in the face.

Authorities in several states said that residents who had made ignorant comments erroneously citing the brutally cold temperatures as proof that climate change did not exist were reporting a sharp increase in injuries to the face and head regions.

In an emergency room in St. Paul, Harland Dorrinson, forty-one, was waiting to be treated for bruising to the facial area after he made a crack about how the below-freezing temperatures meant that climate-change activists were full of shit.

“I’d just finished saying it and boom, out of nowhere someone punched me in the face,” he said. “This polar vortex is really dangerous.”

[pscot]

1. We need to draw a distinction here

between a punch and a dope slap. A punch is just gratuitous volence, while a dope slap is educational in nature.

[House of Roberts]

2. I would recommend they not say these things to Australians.

They could indeed get punched in the face.