Our Federal Government Must Define Sex

[TexasTowelie]

By Dr. Brian Carr
President, Behavioral Health Associates, Lubbock, Texas, 1991-Present
Chairman, City of Lubbock Board of Health, 2013
Submitted on July 17, 2013 - 7:00am

It is the job of our Federal government to protect and guide us in the bedroom. Since politicians have sex it is self-evident that they know what is best. One of these self-evident behaviors is how we should be intimate with one other person (no more than one is permitted, lots of other rules that I will get to).

The downfall of our morality occurred when Dick Van Dyke (even his name is an attack) shared a bed with Mary Tyler Moore on their television show. We know it is important to suppress our carnal desire by sleeping separately except for when called to procreate. Such procreation must include extensive review and thought and involve written contracts with specific provisions.

All must be married and it should only include men who look like John Wayne and women who look like Eleanor Roosevelt. Politicians need to ensure that their voter base remains ignorant so a reading and comprehension evaluation should be completed before it gets physical.

Designed and instituted by politicians the need for birthing a class of servants to the corporations is self-evident. Sex between a man and a woman is the foundation of the corporate marketing campaign so that diamonds can be sold, trips to the mall taken, and shows like Honey Boo Boo can flourish. Sex is an unalienable right of life given to us by politicians and a part of their all-knowing unchangeable moral law that governs us like cattle.

Sex is foundational to the existence of a permanent underclass and integral to the pursuit of happiness for the top 1% who enjoy the fruits of the labor while offering lotion for distraction. Assuming that you follow the strict guidelines regarding sex (only at night, in the bed, with the lights off, in the missionary position) you are allowed to be young, vulnerable, disabled, and yes even your grandparents can have sex.

Our Federal government was established and exists to ensure that those of us who might stray from what is proper sex will be condemned and forced to wear tight undergarments. Even though I suspect Rick Perry would delight in gripping his gun and adding to the specifics of our sexual behavior this obligation to protect us is too important to let Brokeback Mountain politicians with wide footings be involved. Our Federal government needs to define sex ultimately with a Constitutional Amendment that includes photos and diagrams so that no doubt can exist.

Do what is right and have sex with a politician tonight. It is your patriotic duty and they know what is best.

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Source: http://lubbockonline.com/interact/blog-post/dr-brian-carr/2013-07-17/our-federal-govenment-must-define-sex