Romney in Final Push to Alienate Remaining Voters
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—With just forty-three days to go until the election, Mitt Romney is in a race against time to offend the few voters he has not already alienated, his campaign manager said today.
“So far, Mitt’s efforts to make voters dislike him have gone exactly as planned,” said the campaign manager Matt Rhoades. “But let’s not kid ourselves—we’ve still got a few supporters out there and we’ve got to find ways to piss them off.”
As Mr. Romney embarked on a bus tour with the goal of spreading additional unease about his candidacy, his campaign manager reflected on a program of systematic alienation that has so far “worked like clockwork.”
“We really got the ball rolling at the Olympics,” Mr. Rhoades said. “I seriously doubted that Mitt could turn a visit to London into a show of international ineptitude, but he was like, ‘Matt, trust me—I can do this.’ ”
Full story: http://laborspains.blogspot.com/2012/09/romney-in-final-push-to-alienate.html
originally posted here: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/09/romney-in-final-push-to-alienate-remaining-voters.html#ixzz27RHHMKIv
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