Roy Moore's Defeat Means Ted Cruz Retains Status as Most Despised Person in Senate

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Roy Moore’s defeat in Alabama’s special election means that the Texas senator Ted Cruz will easily retain his status as the most despised person in the United States Senate, congressional insiders confirmed on Wednesday.

According to those insiders, Cruz had been secretly hoping that Moore’s election would displace him from his unenviable position as the most vilified pariah in the upper chamber.

“Cruz was praying that, if Moore got in, that might change the daily conversation around here from ‘Who has to sit next to Ted?’?” one Republican colleague said.

Cruz, whom colleagues deem even more insufferable than such other senatorial ass-clowns as Mitch McConnell and Tom Cotton, was reportedly “distraught” upon learning that Moore would not be joining him in the U.S. Senate.

“Ted was absolutely positive that Roy would have been more hated than he is,” one Senate colleague said. “But, to tell you the truth, it would have been close.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/roy-moores-defeat-means-ted-cruz-retains-status-as-most-despised-person-in-senate

[Bob Loblaw]

1. Just the senate?

nt

[NCjack]

2. Yea for Ted! You worked for it -- you got it. nt

[Internationalist]

3. This almost sounds like a parody

Could one be so immature that they can’t recognize that it’s their behavior that led to this state of affairs? And furthermore rather than change your behavior, you believe your best shot at redemption in the eyes of others is to hope someone even more loathsome comes along?
But then again this is the guy who came out breathing fire after Trump slandered his wife and phone banked for him while looking like Droopy Dog.

[Zorro]

4. It's Borowitz

It is satire.

[catrose]

5. I like Samantha Bee's description of Cruz

"a used condom in a Gideon Bible"