Pence Asks Jesus to Rapture Him Up Before Mueller Can Indict Him

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.

Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.

The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.

“Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-asks-jesus-to-rapture-him-up-before-mueller-can-indict-him

[DangerousUrNot]

1. Ok ok!

Happy to read that was satire haha. I was about to flip my shit.

[murielm99]

4. Always look at the link first,

to see if it says borowitz or the onion.

These days, it is hard tell.

[magicarpet]

2. Could Pence take Ryan, McConnell, and Hatch along

[Hayduke Bomgarte]

3. If Jesus DID come and

Rapture the true believers, there is no effing way pence would be among them.

[Hortensis]

5. The Hill: Pence tells Christian broadcaster: Trump is a believer.

That's actually a The Hill headline, NOT Borowitz.

[historian]

6. i would like to contact jesus

Does anyone have his email or phone number?