I Promise To Work Tirelessly To Achieve My Campaigns Goals, Threatens Trump In Terrifying Address

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Leaving the nation in an uneasy state of dread as he spoke from the Capitol steps, incoming President Donald Trump reportedly delivered a disturbing inaugural address Friday in which he repeatedly threatened to work hard to implement his campaign promises.

“Everything that I’ve stood for in this campaign, all of the goals I’ve set, I will work around the clock until each one of them is achieved,” Trump ominously warned the country, prompting inauguration attendees and those watching at home to exchange tense, fearful glances with nearby friends and loved ones as the newly installed president made several additional intimidating assertions that he would “seek to enact” the agenda he had espoused throughout his run for office.

“My focus now will be turning my campaign pledges into reality. It is my guarantee to you, the American people, that I will do my best to accomplish everything I said I would do when you elected me president.”

A collective gasp was then reportedly heard emanating from the National Mall as Trump issued a sinister threat to begin swiftly carrying out his campaign’s plans as soon as his speech concluded.

http://www.theonion.com/article/i-promise-work-tirelessly-achieve-my-campaigns-goa-55094

[murielm99]

1. That isn't satire, not these days.

It is the truth, and should be on every front page, not just the onion.