“Our prices will be so low you’ll think we’re craaaaaazy!”

[Ichingcarpenter]

ISIS pledge to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the Midwest

Notorious Islamic terror group ISIS have announced a plan to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the midwest and selling firearms at discount prices.

With an evil cackle, Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi told jubilant supporters this plan would result in the deaths of untold thousands of Americans every year.

The stores will offer discounts of up to 10%, with a guarantee to beat the price of any gun sold at competing vendors and loyalty cards offered to anyone buying more than two firearms a year.

Free bullets will be included in the cost of any sale of $200 or more.

SNIP

“Our prices will be so low you’ll think we’re craaaaaazy!”

“With a 5-year warranty and money-back guarantee if anyone shot by one of our guns survives, our rifles, shotguns and pistols will be ideal for firing at other Americans which will save us the trouble.”

“They will fall upon each other like the whirlwind, like dogs, smiting each other down, praise be to God.”

“More than they are already are, that is,” he added.

The National Rifle Association both welcomed and condemned the plans, saying that it was a God-given right to sell guns to Americans but they’d rather people weren’t so blatant about the consequences, thanks very much.

If the plan is successful, ISIS plan to extend their reign of terror and death by opening MacDonald’s franchises and cutting the price of supersized meals.

http://newsthump.com/2015/11/13/isis-pledge-to-kill-thousands-of-americans-by-opening-gun-stores-across-the-midwest/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork

[longship]

1. Nice satire.

BTW, it's McDonald's not MacDonald's.

Otherwise, way to go! And sorry about the pedantry.

[nxylas]

2. Could be they did it for legal reasons

That fast food chain is notoriously litigious, so misspelling their name might provide some cover. But it was probably just a typo.

[Proserpina]

3. Thank goodness there are still some vestigial laws preventing such a franchise

(there are, aren't there?)

[lovemydog]

4. 'They're so crraaazzzy

they're practically giving it away!'

[marble falls]

5. The Onion sets a high standard few can meet.

[malthaussen]

6. What this proves, satire though it may be...

... is that the so-called "terrorists" really aren't particularly interested in killing Americans, or they would have already done this. Then again, who's to say they haven't already?

-- Mal

[ffr]

7. All proceeds go not to ISIS, but to the NRA.

GOP lauds praise on them for being job creators.