10 Reasons We Should Defund Planned Parenthood IMMEDIATELY
Right now, as we speak, Republican lawmakers are threatening to shut down the government if Congress doesn’t vote to cut federal funding for Planned Parenthood. At first glance, this might seem like yet another misogynist hissy fit undertaken by doughy, middle-aged white men with mommy issues, but I’m sorry to say, this time, they’re right. We absolutely should defund Planned Parenthood. The sooner the better. Here are 10 reasons why:
1. They talk about vaginas there. Gross! Want to know something even grosser? I heard from Donald Trump that sometimes BLOOD comes out of vaginas. And Planned Parenthood acts like this is a normal thing? It gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it!
2. Abstinence education eradicated sex. It’s common knowledge that the Bush administration’s push for abstinence education successfully eradicated sex. To confirm this, I asked my little brother, who is 10 years younger than me, what sex ed was like during his time in high school. He told me, “A guy came in holding an iPad and said, ‘Don’t have sex.’” Bravo, Man Holding An IPad! This is exactly the kind of well-rounded, informative, empowering sex education that has completely eradicated all sexual activity. Thanks to you and other celibate justice warriors, no one in America has had sex since 2001. To continue to fund sex education and reproductive healthcare in a sexless society would be like funding that infamous Bridge To Nowhere in Alaska, but instead of nowhere, this bridge leads to dried-up vaginas and blue balls. No one’s porking. Cut the pork!
3. STIs are a figment of the liberal media’s imagination. I’ve been hearing a lot of noise about how Planned Parenthood tests for and treats sexually transmitted infections. But what is an STI? It sounds like some kind of Volkswagen hatchback that’s only available in five-speed. We have Oil Can Henry’s to test and treat those. Planned Parenthood is irrelevant. We must cut their funding and increase federal funding for Oil Can Henry’s immediately.
Read more: http://www.ravishly.com/2015/09/17/10-reasons-we-should-defund-planned-parenthood-immediately
