U.S. Sources: Signs Of North Korea Mobile Ballistic Missile Launch

[Purveyor]

Source: CNN

By Barbara Starr, CNN Pentagon Correspondent
Updated 4:52 PM ET, Tue April 12, 2016

(CNN)U.S. intelligence satellites have spotted signs that North Korea may be preparing for an unprecedented launch of a mobile ballistic missile which could potentially hit portions of the U.S., CNN has learned.

Two U.S. officials told CNN that if the regime proceeds with a launch, the latest assessments are the most likely scenario is the launch of the so-called Musudan missile, which the U.S. believes could potentially hit Guam and perhaps Shemya Island in the outer reaches of Alaska's Aleutian chain.

However, officials are strongly saying there are two other scenarios that are possible: North Korea could launch either its Kn-08 or Kn-14 mobile ballistic missiles which would have a longer range and could potentially hit the Pacific Northwest of the United States. The Kn-14 is thought to be a more precise version of the Kn-08, and it is believed the regime showed it for the first time at a military parade in 2015, officials say.

But U.S. officials also caution the regime could still decide to do nothing. North Korea is well aware U.S. spy satellites keep constant watch and the moves could be part of a deception effort to persuade the U.S. the North is about to take action.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/12/politics/north-korea-mobile-ballistic-missile-launch/index.html

[Feeling the Bern]

1. Sociopathic Tin Horn Dictator Stamps Feet, Demands People Take Him Seriously

Source: CXN News

By Phillip Mimouf-Wifarts, CXN Senior Imbecile Correspondent

(CXN)In a show of defiance, North Korean overlord and five time winner of the North Korean "Jabba The Hut Impersonation" Contest Kim Jung-Un announced that his country wasn't being taken seriously the rest of the world and that the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea, which is neither Democratic, a Republic or for the People) would stamp its feet and hold its breath in a collective sign of defiance until "we get our money. You know, that internet money."

Kim's latest act of nihilistic sociopathy was given a tepid response by the US, China and pretty much any country where the people and the leaders have an IQ at least half their shoe size.

"When the DPRK decides to jump when it feels froggy, then the world will take it seriously. However, North Korea has turned itself pretty much into that creepy conspiracy theory speaking uncle that the entire family tells the children not to be alone with," a high ranking official in the US State Department stated under the condition that the name not be used as if people would confuse the source's words with actually giving a shit what happens in Pyongyang.

Kim responded to the State Department by ripping a loud fart, stuffing himself with lobster while his people starve and crying into his Jjajang, complaining "Why does no one like me?" After, he executed 100 people personally by sitting on them while dialing NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman, asking Rodman if he can go one on one with him. Rodman politely declined the offer.