Police: Mother Left Quadriplegic Son In Woods, Traveled To Md.

[tabasco]

Source: CBS Baltimore

A witness told police that as he was walking through the woods he found the victim covered in a blanket lying in leaves with a wheelchair and a bible nearby.

Police say the victim suffers from Cerebral Palsy and is still unable to communicate how he arrived in the woods.

CBS Philly reports that the victim was left in the woods sometime Monday morning by his mother, who then took a bus to Maryland to be with her boyfriend.

Read more: http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2015/04/11/police-mother-left-quadriplegic-son-in-woods-traveled-to-md/

---

Left in the woods with a blanket and a bible.

[shenmue]

1. Mercy

[Hekate]

2. I wonder if she had any respite in 21 years of caregiving before she tried to kill him....

Where was their safety net?

[Warpy]

15. That's what I was wondering, too

although why couldn't she leave him at home instead of in the woods?

[Hekate]

18. This thread is shaping up to be the usual ...

...here, reflexive calls for punishing someone who has harmed a helpless person (or dog or kitten or...take your pick).

It's heinous when a helpless child or adult is harmed, but in a case like this, with a 21 y.o. nonverbal quad I have to ask where was their safety net? And that is a social policy/social justice question of some urgency in this country.

[840high]

22. Her family was willing to help.

[hollysmom]

52. yes when my father was sick, my brothers were always saying they would help, but

saying is not doing, Once, I got one brother to help once, and then I got yelled at by his wife and him because he didn't think taking care of him for a day would take more than a few hours. I wanted to give my mother a day off, so I took her to a spa and dinner, many times when my mother was ill or when my mother needed several hours off, I would take care of my father who was in a wheel chair - that included changing his diaper, which he did not enjoy me doing, he would lie sho I wouldn't do it. we left at 11 AM and got back at 7 PM.

so just because some one says they will help, don't count on it,. I also moved in with my mother after her stroke, to take care of her, while holding on to my job and my own house for 5 months. my brothers would visit for a free dinner, but did they actually do any work - nope. useless. My sister did fly up from 1000 miles a way to help for a week here and there, but she had her own business and family. She never told me she would help, she just would come up and do it.

[JudyM]

103. I feel for you... and at some level I hope you feel so good for having been there for your folks

in a way your brothers (and their wives) weren't. I hope that's a long lasting hugging feeling for you.



Responsibility should be shared among sibs but guys often think it's more their sisters' responsibility --

[hollysmom]

114. I never minded helping them, in some ways I got more from them then any of the other kids.

I have all the family stories in my head.
But I also resent my family to some extent - like because I was there for my parents in their old age, I would take them to dinner a lot and I never complained of asked to be repaid for that, I got to have dinner with them when they finally realized I was n adult and could have adult conversations with them. took them on vacation with me after my divorce from a husband that said among other stupid things, that I spent too much time with my parents, his were dead, but I spent a good deal of time with his mother when she was dying, time he did not have for her, I talked to her a hour a day on the phone every day for 3 years while she was afraid and dying. Hubby would always say, you talk to her, I don't know what to say. In the end I would have to drive 45 minutes each way to giver her her medication because she would not take it from anyone else.

The resentment I had was having to move in from my house to take care of my mother after her stroke and I hired a woman to stay with her during the day, but lied to mom about what it cost because she would not pay even half what this woman asked and paid 75 a day from my own account to make up the difference - so I could go to work and make sure she was OK. The woman was wonderful and a great boon to my mother in the last days, drove her everywhere, she even helped Mom sign up for a bowling league of seniors jut before she died. I was part executor, but the rest of the family would not allow me to be repaid from the estate, It has not broken me, but still I resent it, no one gave up as much as I did, no one else paid money not one offered to help so I did not have to give up everything the last year and yet, they begrudged me a small portion of the estate because I lied to my mother and paid this woman willingly. We all inherited a goodly amount, it was not even 1 percent, but it was the dismissal of the request that really bugs me. I should write them out of my will and leave all my money to dogs, ha ha It is not as if they will leave me anything, just because I am the only one without children, it hardly seems fair.


Sorry for the rant. interesting that is has carried on to the grave, everyone was supposed to contribute to the flowers on the grave every holiday, but that stopped after a couple of years,I still put flowers there, as it was a death bed promise to my mother, but no one contributes anymore, I have stopped asking. I told everyone I want to be made into diamonds, so I will not be ignored in death, but desired to be worn, ha ha.

[JudyM]

115. Wow, good for you... being so open-hearted in the face of that kind of callousness.

None of my business but if I were you, no way based on the facts you've given, would I leave them anything of value in my will. I mean, really. That money could actually help other people (or animals or the environment, or whatever cause is close to your heart). And they disrespected both you and your mom. Especially being that you inherited a chunk of it from your mom and look how ungrateful they've been. If you know it's going somewhere where it'll do some good maybe that would ease your resentment. And it's not mean-spirited, it's just looking at the reality of the situation. ok end of my rant now.

[raccoon]

126. Which of course you can do if you want to.

I should write them out of my will and leave all my money to dogs, ha ha It is not as if they will leave me anything, just because I am the only one without children, it hardly seems fair.

You could leave your money to some worthy cause. I was going to do that too, several years ago. Changed my will
now and will leave most everything to the sibling who needs it the most.

[RobinA]

87. They Now Say

And as anyone who cares for a seriously sick family member knows, people just flock to be part of the action. As it stands, there isn't much known about this situation.

I have a really hard time with some of the reaction I've been reading about this (not just here). Calling the woman a monster, etc. Care for a nonverbal quad for 21 years and then talk to me about monsters. I think the woman cracked. Were there better ways of handling things? Probably. But the system is frustrating, difficult to deal with, and many people don't have the resources to hack through the safety net bureacracy to get to the actual safety part.

[snooper2]

98. Family of quadriplegic with cerebral palsy fought for guardianship before mom abandoned him in woods

Family of quadriplegic with cerebral palsy fought for guardianship before mom abandoned him in Philadelphia woods: police


Nyia Parler allegedly left her 21-year-old son, who has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, in the woods for days without food or water, police said.

The family of a 21-year-old Philadelphia quadriplegic fought to get guardianship of him years before his mother allegedly abandoned him in the woods, police said.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454

[roguevalley]

24. this is mental to me. I will wait for more information. I don't advocate harm for anyone

[Warpy]

27. Exactly, and every caregiver has a breaking point

I'm getting pretty sick of the "hang 'em high" crowd on DU.

With cases like this one, there are always a lot of questions that need to be asked.

[LisaL]

45. He had a safety net.

He went to school. School became concerned when he didn't show up and called about him. Mother indicated to her family member and police that the son was with her in MD.

[Larry Engels]

49. A "safety net" in this context does not mean the cops.

[LisaL]

61. Did you not see he went to school, which was concerned when he didn't show up?

[Larry Engels]

63. The missing "safety net" is not the school, either.

The point is that social services for mothers and their handicapped children are inadequate. If she could have had more help, she might not have resorted to this.

Get it?

[jwirr]

102. Exactly. Schools are not part of the safety net. Nor are cops. At the age of 21 he would have been

eligible for Social Security Disability regardless of living at home and he would have had a social worker. It is the counties responsibility to monitor the care of their disabled clients and during a screening (2Xs a year) they would have evaluated the need for extra help in the home. This would have taken the stress level of the parent into account.

I had a lot of this kind of help in the last half of the 45 years I took care of my own child. I had someone to help bathe her every day, someone to set with her while I did my shopping and finally someone to look after her if I would have wanted to spend some time with my friend.

I am going to wait and learn more of the details. Did she have a real safety net? Why not?

[Depaysement]

55. Congratulations

You actually get it.

[lark]

64. Not really buying that the mom did the best she could.

She could have left him at home with food and water, there's many alternatives other than killing him, which seems to be her intention, especially with the lies she gave about where he was. This wasn't sheer desperation, she left him with a bible! This seems planned. She seems like so many other RW so called christian hypocrites who really care for no one but themselves. She didn't leave him to look for a job, she just wanted some nookie so tried to kill her inconvenient son. She is a monster. Compare him to the woman who took her child to a jobs fair because she didn't have any money to pay someone to watch her, she was desperate and doing the best she could. If seeing her boyfriend was so important, and supposing she didn't have the money for 2 people, which is in itself a stretch, why didn't she tell the boyfriend she couldn't come unless he sent her $$ for her son to come too?

Stories like this are why my gay son thinks that ALL Christians are lying hating homophobic hypocrites. Leaving the bible with her son instead of water and food, just heinous, pure heinous.

[Hekate]

78. I didn't say or imply that she did the best she could. I asked where their societal safety net was.

[RobinA]

88. Could Have

left him with food and water???? What was he supposed to do with that? Look at in from across the room?

[lark]

94. Maybe he could crawl over?

Just because he's quadriplegic doesn't mean he's incapable of any type of moving himself, does it?

[Hekate]

129. Actually it does mean he can't crawl. "Quad" means all 4 limbs are paralyzed from the neck down. nt

[Doctor_J]

41. by herself too by the sound of things.

Horrible situation

[FLPanhandle]

57. She had enough respite to go out get a boyfriend

Also, enough mental capacity to lie to family members about what she had done.

[snooper2]

96. how do you know he was born like that? Could have been 1 year or 15

[jwirr]

104. ???

[Hekate]

128. CP is a birth defect

[jwirr]

101. Very good question.

[raccoon]

125. Safety net? Did the article say they lived in Scandinavia? :sarcasm: nt

[irisblue]

3. WTF

from the CBS local site... "Philadelphia Police are investigating after a 21-year-old quadriplegic man was found in a wooded area covered in a blanket on Friday night."..."The 21-year-old victim, whose identity is still unknown, was treated at CHOP and is listed in stable condition.".....bad reporting & copy editor, how can his name be unknown, if the cops know who his mother is? and abandonment at 21?
again WTF
CHOP= Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia. that poor guy.

[christx30]

7. Probably just unknown to the reporter,

but known to the police. They could have said, "While the identity of the victim has not been released...". But, yes, just bad writing.
A lot of that going around.

[Chan790]

73. Even if he's over 18...

he's a non-verbal quadriplegic; she probably has a medical power-of-attorney and legal guardianship or conservatorship for him so that she can manage his medical, financial and legal affairs...so yes, she can be charged with abandonment. In the eyes of the law he is not self-sufficient or mens rea and she holds his legal guardianship so it's treated the same as if he were a minor.

(As an aside, Britney Spears is also subject to this kind of a legal conservatorship due to never being found mens rea by the Superior Court of the state of LA subsequent to her father being given legal and financial guardianship during her involuntary psychiatric commitment.)

My 68 year old neighbor D has guardianship for his 45 year old daughter (L) following a traumatic brain injury...she met a nice man (B)...who is also has a (less severe) traumatic brain injury...in occupational therapy and fell in love; she had to ask her father for permission to get married because she doesn't have legal authority over her own affairs and he's her legal guardian.

If D got on a plane tomorrow and left them home alone together, he'd be arrested upon his return because L is under his guardianship and B is a ward of the state (he has an assigned caseworker from CT Dept. of Social Services who checks on him regularly) meaning B is not an acceptable caretaker in the eyes of the law.

[BumRushDaShow]

4. OMG

I had to see what "woods" they were talking about here in Philly (Cobb's Creek park). The local CBS TV station (linked to from the Baltimore CBS station site) said he was being treated at Children's Hospital ("CHoP" one of the best in the world). The weather this week was warm (upper 60s, low-70s) this past Monday and then the temps plunged to where we were having highs barely in the 40s or low 50s, with a misty chilly rain from late Tuesday through the rest of the week until today (Saturday).

This is just so sad.

[LisaL]

13. This 21 year old is in wheelchair and apparently non-verbal.

He can't take care of himself, whether he was left in the woods or in the park.

[BumRushDaShow]

19. I know - I turned on the radio and it is now the top story here

The radio report that I heard at the top of the hour said they were also going to investigate which agency had responsibility for his case. As an FYI, this city has the largest municipal park system in the world (Fairmount Park, of which Cobbs Creek park is a part) and since I live here, I was curious where in SW Philly he had been abandoned, and saying "in woods" is meaningless.

[yeoman6987]

53. Terrible of course

But at first I was expecting a 10 year old not an adult. I can't imagine charges for this.

[jwirr]

106. There are laws to protect the disabled adults that are similar to those to protect a child.

[Judi Lynn]

5. Police to Arrest Mom of Quadriplegic Man With Cerebral Palsy Abandoned in Cobbs Creek Park

Police to Arrest Mom of Quadriplegic Man With Cerebral Palsy Abandoned in Cobbs Creek Park
By Alison Burdo and David Chang

Updated 14 minutes ago

- Video -

Philadelphia Police plan to arrest a woman after she allegedly left her quadriplegic son with cerebral palsy alone in the woods for over five days with nothing but a blanket and a Bible.

The 41-year-old mother is accused of leaving her 21-year-old son in a wooded area along Cobbs Creek Parkway near Catharine Street around 11 a.m. Monday before traveling to Montgomery County, Maryland to visit her boyfriend.

After several days of cold temperatures and rain, the victim was found 100-feet into the woods around 9 p.m. Friday, according to Philadelphia Police Lt. John Walker. Investigators say the victim likely would have died if not for the man who spotted him while passing by.

"They found [him] about 100 yards off the roadway here, laying in leaves. He's got a blanket over him and a Bible on his chest," Walker said. "He has a wheelchair about 10 feet from his body."

Read more: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Quadriplegic-Cerebral-Palsy-Abandoned-Woods-Philly-Cobbs-Creek-Park.html#ixzz3X3OHJ94i


Thank you, tabasco, for posting this story. Hope someone can bring help to this young man's life.

[maindawg]

6. Mental illness

Please try to understand. This is mental illness.

[LisaL]

9. Lets blame everything under the sun on "mental illness."

This way nobody is ever responsible for anything.

[maindawg]

14. The human condition

my friend.
go Browns!

[geek tragedy]

11. Sounds like selfishness and depravity to me. nt

[lark]

65. Are you saying the mother was mentally ill?

If so, then her actions are a little less horrible. However, if she is so bad off that she doesn't get that she was murdering her son so she could spend time with her boyfriend, she needs to be institutionalized and her son needs to be in someone or some agency's care.

[SheilaT]

8. Maybe not mental illness. Maybe it's just having spent more than half her life

caring for a handicapped son, with almost no support. Is there no father? Or is this yet another one of those miraculous births with no input of any kind, not even a sperm, from a man?

And where are the social services? Why are there no good support services in these cases? Why do the parents, or in this case the one parent, left to fend almost entirely on their own?

I don't condone in any way what this woman did. Abandoning her son like that is very difficult to understand, but maybe she felt there was no way out. She'd been dealing with this situation by herself for all these years, and she just couldn't take it any more. What's needed is not punishment for her, but a truly robust system that provides support and relief for the primary care givers.

Personal note. I have a son with Asperger's, so I have a small inkling of what it might be like to have a child who will never get better, who will never be independent, who will never not need around the clock care. I cannot begin to imagine how I'd be if I'd had such a child.

[LisaL]

10. And the answer to this is obviously leaving him in the woods.

[Orrex]

29. Does it seem likely to you that this was her very first choice?

I can't help wondering how you'd fare after 21 years of giving round-the-clock care to someone.

[LisaL]

42. Leaving him in the woods shouldn't have been on the list of choices.

[Orrex]

47. Rationally? Of course not. However...

I can't help wondering how you'd fare after 21 years of giving round-the-clock care to someone.

[onenote]

117. And you know that she spent 21 years giving round the clock care to him?

How did she manage to get a boyfriend?

[Yo_Mama]

116. According to the police, other family members had tried to get guardianship.

Maybe she was developing a mental problem.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454

Relatives of the unidentified man, who has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, tried to obtain legal guardianship in the last few years, a police spokeswoman told the Daily News. The family members — believed to be two of his aunts — are at his side as he recovers at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

So those who are assuming that the woman snapped from stress are also jumping to a conclusion.

[SheilaT]

60. I suppose you are intending sarcasm, but

to say the answer to this is obviously leaving him in the woods is cruel and uncalled for.

No one is suggesting that. Everyone is saying something else needed to be done, and done a long time ago.

[snooper2]

99. That is why his aunts were fighting to get custody from this asshole

Looks like they knew she had no fucks given-

Family of quadriplegic with cerebral palsy fought for guardianship before mom abandoned him in Philadelphia woods: police

The family of a 21-year-old Philadelphia quadriplegic fought to get guardianship of him years before his mother allegedly abandoned him in the woods, police said.

Relatives of the unidentified man, who has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, tried to obtain legal guardianship in the last few years, a police spokeswoman told the Daily News. The family members — believed to be two of his aunts — are at his side as he recovers at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.


http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454

[jwirr]

107. NO ONE is saying this is okay. What many of us who are careproviders for our own children are

asking is why and what happened after 21 years of good care to end like this. We are also asking what kind of support system she had. It seems like you are not very up on what long term care giving is like.

Selfish? After 21 years of sacrifice - she is selfish. I do not buy that.

[AtheistCrusader]

31. How do you know there's no paternal support? How do you know there's no social services?

Initial reports suggest otherwise, but even still... Excuses nothing even if that were the case.

[SheilaT]

62. If there was paternal support, it wasn't anywhere to be found

for the time this young man was alone in the woods. The mother didn't leave her son with the father, she left him alone in the woods, possibly even intending he'd die there.

I find this story, and all of the others that are similar, such as when a mother drowns all her children, to be heartbreaking and sad. I'm pretty sure I would never do any such things, but I've never been the sole caretaker for a severely disable child, nor had truly debilitating postpartum depression.

[AtheistCrusader]

67. The mother apparently lied to family and school about his whereabouts.

That suggests interested parties were at least interested in his well being, and she blocked that interest.

[Laffy Kat]

33. I know but why not dump him outside a hospital or in the waiting room.

With a Bible no less. Must be a Christian. Yes, I need to cool off some before posting.

[dolphinsandtuna]

48. That's a criminal act in all states

as far as I know. When there were briefly some laws about it being legal to leave kids at hospitals, not just babies were left. The law changed fast.

Your scenario would presumably result in his getting medical care, but she'd get tossed in jail, which she had some chance of escaping with the woods situation. Maybe after twenty years she just couldn't take it any more.

[Laffy Kat]

77. Even though he's an adult?

Would it be against the law to dump a vulnerable (i.e. dementia) parent in a hospital waiting room? Although I guess abandonment is abandonment.

[LisaL]

83. His aunts claim they tried to get guardianship.

So why didn't she simply leave him with his aunt? Her other child (who is 16) was apparently left with an aunt.
Why not the 21 year old?

[jwirr]

109. Follow the money. The custodial caregiver gets the Social Security check. And who knows that

could have been the case on both sides.

[jwirr]

108. All she had to do was call social services and ask that he be removed from her home. Been a social

worker in such a case. No one called the cops.

[onenote]

118. she had some chance of escaping jail?

How exactly? Do you think she expected him to live? Do you think after her weekend of nookie-nookie in Maryland she'd be able to find him?

The one thing you've got right -- she cared more about her own weekend of pleasure than the safety of her child.

[maindawg]

12. Its True matic stress dis order

Its the version of stress dis order that occurs when ,thanks to Ron Reagon, the care of a dis abled person is left to the immediate family. That Immediate family being then burdened to the point of ,wait for it....current true matic stress dis order!.
Yes kids, We now dont even have to wait for the stress disorder to germinate into a psyco
See, Reagon was so fucking great that he said unto the world, he said, 'Fuck the mentally Ill fucking people. He did not have a fuck to give. And the selfish asshole er I mean silent majority crept into the voting booths like the slime from youtr video that Frank Zappa so saliently bespoke. And the mentally ill were sent home.

Send em back home, or whatever. Thats how Ron R invented ,'homeless people.'
The single greatest invention for fascist corporate assholes since , concentrationcamps. Who remembers , 'con-cen-tration camps.
I mean , i like camping. Who does not like to go camping?
Its so American.
Camping.

Imagine if I could concentrate my camping experience!
Really camp.........

[jwirr]

110. That is how raygun invented homeless mentally ill people. It was us parents who worked our

asses off to get our children who are developmentally disabled (not mentally ill) out of the institutions. See the ARC magazine for the story. We brought them home to our own communities and created special schools, foster homes, etc. for them. They would have to run away to be homeless. This young man was taken care of at home but there are many alternatives to the institutions. Better alternatives.

I would also like to tell you where to go but I won't. I am the immediate family of a severely disabled girl who I took care of for 45 years. It was good care because I loved her and the county gave me the kind of help I needed.

You are mixing up the problems of two different groups.

[maindawg]

123. You are right

Sometimes I can be a real jerk. I am sorry. I have a habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt and in this case I assumed that the woman was overwhelmed. I spent 4 years working with severely handicapped children. So I understand what its like.
I was wrong, this woman is a terrible person, and you are right to be offended by my knee jerk reaction. I hope you have an easier time these days.

[jwirr]

124. I am also sorry. As I get older I get upset easier. Thank you.

[catchnrelease]

16. Other family may have been available

One of the comments below the linked article says that the woman's extended family has been trying to get guardianship of the young man. No links were given, it just says that 'other stories reported that.....', so no definite proof of this so far.

[840high]

20. Yes - I read that, too. I would

be more forgiving if she hadn't gone to see her boyfriend.

[Depaysement]

17. Walk a while in her shoes

And then you might understand. She has probably had a very tough life caring for him and most states and people provide little help.

[840high]

21. She had willing family.

[Depaysement]

23. Maybe

But I would bet it isn't that simple.

She did a horrible thing, but it is still a very tough life.

[AtheistCrusader]

28. Nope, sorry. anecdotes about the family being willing to help aside

You don't do that. That can't even be characterized as a mercy killing. She left him to die no better than dropping someone off in the middle of the desert. Characterization of his medical condition suggests he couldn't have fended off a pissed off chipmunk. He was going to die of thirst, or the first feeble scavenger that discovered him and started gnawing.

There's no combination of unfortunate circumstances or lack of help that can justify leaving someone to a fate like that. That was actually LESS humane than just killing him outright. Random chance that anyone discovered him at all.

Could have left him at the library or something at least. She left him to die. Horribly. Intentionally denied him any possibility that anyone could try to help him.

Maybe family was willing to help. Maybe not. Maybe the state was able to help, maybe not. Even if not, that was attempted murder of the most heinous sort I can imagine.

[treestar]

50. She could have intended to return after tryst with boyfriend

So there will have to be more investigation to get proof regarding her state of mind.

Then after reading it was five days - that is very strong evidence she never intended to go back for him. And telling other people he was with her in Maryland.

Then how was she going to explain his death to others? Say he wandered out there by himself?

[Depaysement]

59. No one is justifying her actions

But her burden was probably very heavy and the help was probably very light. I am sure it is easy to snap after 21 years.

[Historic NY]

37. Yeah just dump the kid to be with a boyfriend..

some fucking shoes, no. Would you treat a dog that way?

[Depaysement]

38. No

But she took care of her son for 21 years. That was probably very difficult under the circumstances.

I don't condone her actions in the least. But I sympathize with how hard her life must have become.

[Telcontar]

44. Leave him in the woods to die of exposure if he is lucky, torn apart by animals if not

Fuck her difficult life. A pillow over the head could be explained as a caregiver snapping. This? This is just depraved.

[onenote]

119. You don't know the first thing about her particular shoes

She had a teenage son --16. Do you think he's never learned how to help care for his brother? She couldn't leave the older boy with him to watch him? The older boy attended a school -- I suspect he's attended some form of school for much of her life -- in other words, she wasn't at his side 24/7 with no life. She managed to get a boyfriend (I'm betting it wasn't the first in all those years).

She was selfish. Period. And she should spend time in jail.

[McCamy Taylor]

25. We all failed that young man. We should all be on trial.

[AtheistCrusader]

32. By hiding him away in the woods, sh denied the possibility that 'we' could help at all.

If not for random chance, 'we' would never have known.

[LisaL]

43. And she told her family members and police that the son was with her in MD.

""She indicated to both family members and police officers the child was with her down with her boyfriend in Maryland," said Lt. Walker."


http://abc13.com/news/police-mom-abandoned-quadriplegic-son-in-woods-for-days/651312/

[treestar]

51. And some states do have a respite program

We don't even know for sure there was no help available.

[Depaysement]

39. Spot on and well said nt

[Telcontar]

46. Lame attempt at excusing the mother's behavior

[FLPanhandle]

66. Bullshit. I take responsibility for my behavior

I reject any accusation of failure directed to me or a group due to the behavior of an individual.

[Chan790]

26. Human refuse.

That's what this mother is. Even a modicum of sympathy that I am seeing for this woman nauseates me...I hope the young man in question is protected & well cared for and I hope his mother spends the rest of her life in a cage.

She deserves none of your sympathies. This story horrifies me.

[Frances]

54. What caregiving experience do you have?

Of course, what this woman did was very wrong. Of course.

But with an attitude like yours, I wonder how long you'd last as a caregiver. It's a lot harder than you think. Especially day after day, week after week, year after year.

I have a friend who's cared for a paraplegic child for over 30 years. It has taken a toll on her. She had to have her hip replaced, the one that she used when she helped her son from his bed to his potty. It was OK when he was first hit by a drunk driver while walking home from school. (Some of his brain was left on the street after the accident.) But he is big boned and now nearly 40.

She is also on meds to help deal with anxiety about his present condition and what will happen to him after she dies.

No one is stepping up to say they will manage his care when she is gone.

Medicaid does pay for a caregiver during the day, but she has responsibility for him for all but 8 hours on weekdays. She has to find caregivers and it is not easy to find reliable, stable people to do this work. They don't get paid much. She is responsible for doctor and dentist appointments. It's difficult to find medical people to take care of someone so disabled. It's very hard to get him to his appointments because he can sit up but cannot stand up.

I am not sure how many of us could do what my friend does.

A number of years ago my friend put her son in a facility for a weekend of respite care. But the caretakers did not feed him properly (he has to have a sip of water after every bite). A bit of food got in his lungs causing bacterial pneumonia. My friend had to use her personal sick leave to be with him in the hospital day and night.

Her parents, brother, husband, and husband's parents are dead.

Ask yourself: Could you do what my friend has done for over 30 years?

[dolphinsandtuna]

70. thank you, Frances

It's clear that the people condemning this woman have never cared for anyone completely handicapped in their lives, let alone for 21 years.

[Calista241]

72. we should absolve her of responsibility and give her a medal apparently.

Blame the whole thing on a momentary lapse.

[Chan790]

76. I was a live-in F/T caretake to two terminal cancer patients.

So, yes, I have care-taking experience and medical training to do that job.

I did it for 3 years. In theory, I could probably have done it for 27 more.

When my parents start to go, I'll probably have to do it again.

[jwirr]

111. Frances just an aside for your friend. As a long time caregiver and a social worker I saw a

warning point in your description of your friend. Have your friend work with social services to learn what can be done for him after she is gone. This is a very serious problem and if there are plans it can help take some of the stress off her.

Her child sounds like my little lady - has a feeding tube. Took care of her for 45 years and it was total care.

[onenote]

120. Did your friend have a boyfriend?

Sounds like this woman had a life outside of taking care of her child. He attended a school. He had a 16 year old brother. I'm willing to bet she'd had other boyfriends over the years.

I'm not forgiving her. Not one bit.

[YOHABLO]

30. Absolutely horrific and brought tears to my eyes. I hope he recovers and family will step in

to care for him. The mother needs to be in jail. I understand her situation, and god knows we need more support in caring for our sick and handicapped citizens. No one knows how hard it is to care for someone until it hits home. I have a sister who is mentally handicapped and she has about driven my whole family into madness themselves. Especially my mom and dad who are 82 years old. The services that the state and county provide, since we're not rich enough for private institutional help, are terrible. There are so many stories, I could go on. But my heart goes out to this young man and his siblings.

[pansypoo53219]

34. parents of children like this have a very heavy burden. my uncles daughter had bad CP.

she did live to 18, when most die around 10. heavy toll on both.

[romanic]

35. Just a horrible story of neglect.

The so-called "mother" was completely irresponsible to leave her handicapped son in the wilderness just so she can visit her man. I don't think it was stress of anything that caused her to just dump her son out to fend for himself; pure selfishness and a lack of care is what did it. She could have easily taken her son to another family member to take care of him or even the hospital that knows him well, but she did neither and now she's gonna pay for it. Hope it was worth it, "mother".

[dolphinsandtuna]

69. romantic

Write that after you've spent twenty-one years of your life 24/7 taking care of a quadriplegic. Hell, write that after one year.

[romanic]

79. I've had family members

that are entirely dependent on their parents and caregivers 24/7 due to physical and/or mental disabilities. I've seen the stress and the amount of time and money they go through taking care of them from birth to their current adult ages; and I know damn well not one of them would just dump them in the woods or in the streets just so they can play "house" with some man in another state.

[RobinA]

89. So....

in your world it is "easy" to find family members willing to take on the care for nonverbal quadraplegics?

To me it is a symptom of our truly nasty times that so many people think this woman should be "locked up in a cage." Absolutely no understanding of what this woman went through caring for this individual and why that experience might lead to some bad judgement calls. Very bad judgement calls. No mercy for a woman who cared for a totally helpless individual for 21 years? There is no hope for a better society at the present time.

[romanic]

95. If the family is present

and has experience with taking care of the 21 year old, then yes it's "easy". Hell like I said in my previous post, the hospital could have taken him in since they've known him for years.

And no I don't have mercy for a woman who would stick her handicapped son out in the middle of nowhere with just a dinky blanket and a bible. That's neglect plain and simple. Your empathy should be saved for the poor man who was left out with absolutely no way of fending for himself and was found laying in leaves. He is the victim, not the so-called mother.

[Historic NY]

36. WTF 5 days in the woods....

some fucking mother.

[leftyladyfrommo]

40. i don't care. how stressed she was

You don't dump a completely helpless person in the woods.

[Depaysement]

56. Of course this is the police version

With the media as judge and jury. We know we must always believe them.

[onenote]

121. So what is your version?

[Depaysement]

122. I don't have a version

My point is that the police and media aren't always the most trusted sources.

[Inkfreak]

58. I'm fine will calling this woman a piece of shit.

Don't give 2 shits about the excuses. I do have experience in this area. She can go fuck herself.

[Liberal_in_LA]

68. with food and water? otherwise she left him to die

[LisaL]

81. He was given a blanket and a bible.

[Quantess]

71. He is 21? How long is it the parents' legal responsibility to care for their child, anyway?

The woman obviously shows extremely poor judgment. How about arranging a place for him to live, instead?

[LisaL]

74. He is disabled. He isn't able to take care of himself.

[Quantess]

75. Understood.

Has the US slipped THAT far, that a severely disabled young adult has no group home to move to, paid for by SSI?

[jwirr]

112. And that is the point. Thank you.

[Liberal_in_LA]

82. doesn't matter the age. illegal to dump disabled or elderly or injured in the woods

[Quantess]

84. Understood. That wasn't my question!

[Liberal_in_LA]

85. ok.

[crim son]

80. Based on what little information I have

I feel about this woman the same way I feel about suicidal people who decide to take a bunch of people out with them when they go. There's more wrong with this woman than being terribly overworked and yes, she could have done just about anything rather than what she chose to do.

A freaking bible. How helpful.

[Quantess]

86. I'll try again: Why didn't she get him into a group home?

The young man is 21 years old, not a minor anymore.

Obviously, I am in agreement that the woman's actions were wrong! Duh. I'm not taking her side at all.

There were other options, am I correct? He would have SSI to pay for care arrangements. Why didn't she transition him out of her care, if she was so sick of caring for him?

[Sheldon Cooper]

90. You are incorrect.

In PA, you can't just snap your fingers and get someone into a group home. There are never enough beds to cover need, and thus there is a lengthy process for evaluating needs and establishing priorities for services.

Many things could work against his placement into a group home. His overall medical status (cerebral palsy notwithstanding), AND the relatively young age of his mother (40s) AND, assuming she is in decent physical condition and still able to provide attendant care to him, AND, assuming they have a stable living situation, i.e., not on the verge of eviction, AND, they have family members willing to help (as has been alleged), he may not be very high on the list of those with most need.

And SSI really doesn't pay for squat, although if he actually did get into an attendant care residential setting, the care provider would take damn near all of his monthly check (which is only around $700-$800 if it's standard SSI).

Things are seldom as simple as they seem. I had been feeling sorry for the mother, thinking that sometimes people just reach the end of their rope and, as sad as it is, maybe she just snapped. But, I saw online that, the day after she abandoned her son, she posted pics of herself with her boyfriend, under the caption 'so happy' or something like that. It made me less sympathetic.

[asharpwone]

92. It's exactly the same in many states.

I worked in this field for over 10 years in a "liberal" New England state, and the conditions and priorities were and still are what you described very well.

In my area, of five towns we often had over a dozen adults with severe disabilities still living with parents who were over 70. Only two or three of them got a suitable "placement", (group home or nursing facility), in a good year.

[Sheldon Cooper]

93. In my experience, anyone with parents who were still able to walk upright

is going to be kept at the family home. That's an oversimplification of course, but basically, you don't normally get into a group home until your parents are dead or so disabled that they can no longer provide for your basic needs. I have clients who are still living with their 80-something parents. Granted, the clients are able to care for their own basic needs, so there is no heavy lifting or diaper changes, etc. involved. But still...

Group home beds for someone as involved as a quadriplegic with CP are extremely limited and crazy expensive, and a person who has any other option at all will be expected to go with that option for as long as possible.

[jwirr]

113. Thank you. This is what I wanted to know about resources. That said I do not feel sorry for her

because this was a planned action that she needs to answer for. Now I am assuming that he will get help.

[RobinA]

91. Hummmm

Let's see. A group home for people who are quadriplegic and cognitively impaired. Yes, the Philadelphia area is just crawling with this sort of facility. Not. Why do people think that group home beds grow on trees? They do not. And the sicker you are the fewer trees that grow the kind of beds you need. Then there's the home care push, which would have people be cared for at home - mostly by family members with little to no training and often without the ability to take on advanced medical care.

I know no details in this case, nor do I know the available resources, as I work in mental health. Available help for the mentally ill is dismal as is support for their families, but at least when they, all to frequently, turn up dead in the woods they've walked there themselves.

A little compassion and mercy is warranted here. And hell, I came up with that all by myself, I'm a non-theist.

[snooper2]

97. here is a picture of the asshole

also, apparently his aunts were trying to get guardianship and she fought it-

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454

http://static3.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2183450.1428944628!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_400/abandoned14n-4-web.jpg

[romanic]

100. She won't be smiling for long.

.

[JudyM]

105. Why the bible? Did she believe it would save him, like leaving it in Jesus' hands?

Or was it a way to get people to sympathize with her if he was found?

She can't be that much of a religious purist if she's overnighting with a guy.

I will say that the motivation of a romantic/sexual relationship on high heat can keep people from thinking clearly. Absolutely not an excuse, just puzzling over her motivation.

[raccoon]

127. "He jests at scars, that never felt a wound." That would be my response to some of the posters on

here who think this woman's a terrible monster and have probably never been caregivers themselves.

[tabasco]

130. Yawn.

How noble thee art to cry for the poor mommy and forget the boy lying in the woods for five days.