Breaking: Republican State Senator Arrested for Obscene Requests to Siri...

[MineralMan]

12/15/2017
Nowheresville, MS

An unnamed Mississippi Republican state Senator was perp-walked into the pokey today for making sexually suggestive comments to Siri, the AI voice of the Apple iPhone. We can't report the phrases he used, due to our journalistic policies, but suffice it to say that they were scurrilous and tantamount to sexual abuse. Police were called by Apple, which receives all questions and comments directed at Siri, somewhere in an electronic data cloud. It's unclear what charges will be brought against him, but calls for the Senator's resignation have begun to come in. Apparently, the Senator thought he was talking to a real human woman, rather than a disembodied computer voice.

We'll update with more information as it becomes available

[NightWatcher]

1. Ya gotta watch out for AI. That's why I don't smoke weed in front of my smart tv.

Wouldn't want anyone knowing I toke up.

[ProudLib72]

2. I swear that is what happened in Barton's case

No woman alive could think that was attractive! And I'm sure he broke poor Siri.

[Ken Burch]

10. I'm imagining this as Siri's response(in the unflappable Siri voice, of course)

"Sorry, that is too small for Siri to recognize. Would you like me to search 'enhancements' ?".

[ProudLib72]

14. I just checked. Siri cannot laugh or scream

She just told me a joke, though. I asked her what she thought of tRump. She said, "I think, therefore I am, but let's not put Descartes before the horse."

I have her on British mode, so maybe that's why she's telling me ridiculous jokes.

[kydo]

3. You better stop. Might give some people ideas. The Onion and Borowitz, should hire you

But really, how long before something like this really happens.

[marylandblue]

4. Can you sexually harass a phone?

Afterall, Siri has feelings too, doesn't she?

[MineralMan]

8. Siri is only 7 years old. That makes this offense

much, much worse, I believe. I mean....really...

[Eliot Rosewater]

5. Did you see Colbert last night? Played video of Alex Jones arguing with Alexa

that she works for the CIA?

I am not kidding.

[Ken Burch]

11. You'd think Alex would realize

that if Siri WAS working for the CIA, she'd be programmed to deny it.

[MineralMan]

6. Update: Since Siri was born in 2010, charges may include

Lewd Solicitation of a Minor. That adds a new twist to this story of obscene phone usage.

[nolabear]

7. Swear to God I once caught my Siri and someone on Sirius Radio trying to talk.

She kept coming on and making random comments. It took me a while to realize every time the show host (John Fugelsang!) said “Sirius” she’d try to answer whatever she thought he’d asked.

[MineralMan]

9. Siri Is Easily Confused.

That will be fixed in the next update. Of course that update will take four hours and crash your iPhone.

[MineralMan]

12. Siri's Reported Response to One Statement:

"Whip the little fella out..."

100 points to the house of the DUer who can identify that reference.

[madinmaryland]

13. I hear that he also sent pictures of his weiner to Siri.

[Iggo]

15. I follow reliable people on twitter who when they guess right alway back it up with links and stuff.

I'll go see if they're telling me they saw this coming...


...THEY DID!

[Sneederbunk]

16. Just another Facebook new story?

[lunatica]

17. Siri doesn't fall for that shit

I asked her once if she liked me and she got all coy and pretended not to understand. When I pressed her she got downright stupid. LOL!

[treestar]

18. My nephew asked her all kinds of crazy stuff

and she is programmed to deal with a lot of it.

Funny story: another nephew wanted to get his hair cut and asked Siri for local barbers. He would forget the answer and need it again. So all day he kept asking her that. Then in the evening he asked her again and she said: "But I like your hair the way it is." We laughed so hard. Who was so clever as to program for that? LOL.

[unc70]

19. I like all Siris responses to What is the meaning of life?

She has a lot of very clever responses.