General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsA question for the men.
Do you have any concerns, given the current climate, that someone from your past may pop up and make allegations of improper behavior by you? A touch, a comment..anything. I was just wondering. But maybe it's mainly focused on men who are famous or work in media or entertainment.
Added: Not necessarily that you DID anything. That someone alleges that you did.
Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)If men were beginning to feel unfairly targeted or anything. The guy who got fired at MSNBC for a joke he told 9 years ago (but has since been re-hired). Things like that.
Glad to see that you men aren't worried.
DemocracyMouse
(2,275 posts)Last edited Mon Dec 11, 2017, 01:18 PM - Edit history (1)
I don't recall grabbing any women's asses or forcing any kisses. It seems so clueless.
I have, however, had a female boss proposition me, twice, and after politely declining, she undermined me in the workplace. So I quit. She refused to face me whenever I ran into her (we shared the same social/professional circles). I should have sued her, but it's taken me several rounds of dehumanizing treatment in the workplace to realize that litigation is an option.
On another occasion, due to low pay, long commutes, and criminally indifferent male and female leadership at my company, I was forced to sleep in my office for two years. (Yes, this is the new America. Get ready to swamp the voting booths next November.) Towards the end of my suffering, the female boss sent assistants to spy on me, even though I had already informed them of my low pay, high local rents and impossible conmutes. She made it a point to dwell on details related to my body and clothes in her "report." I was then asked to turn in the keys to my office and thathat same boss, along with a female assistant, began poking into my computer. I caught them at it when I returned unannounced to pick up something. It was terrifying and it was all 100% harassment. Given the Recession, there were zero jobs to escape to.
On a third occasion I was professionally ganged up on by a dozen women who took the miscommunication of a single female with Aspergers syndrome and whipped it into a hallucinatory rumor large enough to push me out of my job despite excellent formal evaluations.
Men and women are both human, both driven by animal instincts and drives and both capable of rumor mills, hostility, poor judgment and cruelty. It's clear that more men than women exploit their power, but no gender is pure. I can vouch for it.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,357 posts)uppityperson
(115,677 posts)customerserviceguy
(25,183 posts)the "all men rape" angle. I remember seeing that spray painted on to walls near the law school where I lived in Seattle in 1975, and I think that mentality still exists.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,357 posts)I said I hope they have concerns that someone might.
uppityperson
(115,677 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,357 posts)they learn more about how women view those interactions. Concern is a sign that they should dig into something more deeply.
uppityperson
(115,677 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,357 posts)unblock
(52,253 posts)She seemed rather all over me and very much encouraging, but evidently I misread the situation. I slowly moved my hand down her back. At some point I crossed a line and she elbowed my right in the solar plexus.
Not the approach I would recommend for women, but it certainly drive a point home. I pretty much dont make the first move, and on the rare occasions I do, its verbal, not physical.
Other than that, Ive found it quite easy to keep my pecker in my pocket and my hands to myself.
InAbLuEsTaTe
(24,122 posts)I would never even consider doing such a thing, so, I can unequivocally say it never happened, period.
It would have been nice if Franken had said something similar, but, so be it... the guy was still entitled to a hearing to respond to any evidence presented against him.
pnwmom
(108,980 posts)I don't think most men would have suspected that could bring claims of sexual harassment. Nor should it.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)As a female, I've had a man's arms around my back midsection or waist for a photo. I never thought anything about it...it seemed very normal (whereas, on my rear end...not normal). I would not consider that groping in any way. So I began to get concerned...how many men are vulnerable to such iffy accusations, and are they concerned about that? I thought that if I were a man, I might have concerns, even though I know I did nothing wrong.
marble falls
(57,106 posts)turned 30 and realized that it just never seemed to work for anyone I knew. That life worked better when I didn't have half of the world only half trusting me. Being a Lutheran and not being a touchy feely sort of person kept me from getting into trouble before I finally figured it all out.
Egnever
(21,506 posts)But given what happened with Franken I may need to rethink that.
MrScorpio
(73,631 posts)But I don't worry about it either.
Aristus
(66,388 posts)Take that, add Pacific Northwest progressivism, and we're pretty much all right in that department.
I had a couple of relationships that ended in bad breakups. But it wasn't because of churlish or sexist behavior.
wasupaloopa
(4,516 posts)Aristus
(66,388 posts)He can call himself whatever he wants; but he's not a Southern gentleman. A gentleman doesn't behave that way.
The hat don't make him a gentleman. The backwoods, hillbilly twang doesn't. That stupid fucking gun sure as hell doesn't.
He's a creep. And a creep is a creep anywhere you go...
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)I can state that if any man of that age had tried anything with a 14 or 16 year old me, my father and brother would've beat him to within an inch of his life. And that's a fact. But I would have had to report it at the time. If I told them about it decades later, well...that's a different story.
Grassy Knoll
(10,118 posts)9.1..8.5...9.3....
world wide wally
(21,744 posts)But I seriously always showed respect for women. I was raised by a single mother after my Dad died when I was 11 y.o. I am now married with 2 beautiful daughters in their 20s.
I totally seynpathize with women, but Kristin Gillebrand isn't at the top of my list right now.
The_jackalope
(1,660 posts)Before doing completely inappropriate things with women. But I'm sure as hell not running for pubic office with my history...
DemocratSinceBirth
(99,710 posts)And if someone accused me of something I didn't do I would fight like hell to prove my innocence.
customerserviceguy
(25,183 posts)back in the 70's and 80's. But then came the Clarence Thomas hearings, and I think most of us wised up at that point. Besides, as I'm not rich or famous, no journalist would spend any time covering a story about a joke I might have regretted telling in 1985.
jamzrockz
(1,333 posts)For one, I am super shy around women which means that I did not do anything crazy around women, if anything they try to get me to relax but to no avail. Its weird because I work with mostly women nurses and they can be some of the raunchiest, dirty mouth people you would ever run into.
CentralMass
(15,265 posts)brush
(53,787 posts)Not the case at all.
I, like most men have no worries about such a thing as we were raised by a woman, had sisters and aunts.
Get it?
The vast majority of men are decent people.
oasis
(49,389 posts)Since I was constantly getting hit on by all sorts of women, I grew a scraggly beard as a put off. That move cut down the traffic somewhat. I also carried a photo wiith myself, my 3 kids and 2 of their cousins. I claimed all the children in the picture were mine, so women would not consider me in their romantic schemes.
safeinOhio
(32,688 posts)by my Ex in the divorce. I paid for, took and passed a polygraph test. We turned over the results to her lawyer with offer to pay for the same test for her. Those matters ended right then.
democratisphere
(17,235 posts)The accusers can be anonymous and they aren't required to be vetted or provide proof of the harrassment. Al Franken's situation could happen to any man. It is outrageous!
Dave Starsky
(5,914 posts)It was called "Male Manners", and it was quite comprehensive. I read that book cover to cover, and it has guided my behavior ever since.
So no. I don't even have any worries that anyone would even falsely accuse me or misconstrue anything I did.
jalan48
(13,870 posts)democratisphere
(17,235 posts)Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)bagelsforbreakfast
(1,427 posts)Her after 20 years?
Xolodno
(6,395 posts)..the wife and I visit swinger establishments on occasion, surprise, surprise....consent is the golden rule, law and executioner. Once during a crowded night, I was behind a woman also in line to the bar. Given the large crowd, told her, I might accidentally get bumped into her and apologize in advance. She turned around and said, no problem...oh and wrap yourself around me and grab my ass. I obliged.
But I find it ironic, in a place where you would think its a "free-for-all" by society, its the exact opposite in reality. Women hold ALL the power there.
mythology
(9,527 posts)When I help coach gymnastics and I'm spotting somebody, I make it a point to tell them how I will spot them so they can request either I not spot that way, or somebody else do it.
When I am in a public place like the subway where I might accidentally get pushed against somebody, I make sure to keep my hands turned in, nobody is mistaking the back of my hand for groping.
It's actually really not that hard to avoid this situation. Just don't do stupid things.
I am no more afraid of it than I am of a woman accusing me of rape. What percentage of women are out their filing false rape charges? The same basic principle applies for sexual harassment.