curfew for a 17 yr old. ??? will be a senior in high school

[seabeyond]

curious what the majority says, the normal time to be home.

there are the exceptions, of course.

31 votes, 0 passes | Time left: Unlimited
	10:00
	2 (6%)
	10:30
	0 (0%)
	11:00
	10 (32%)
	11:30
	1 (3%)
	12:00
	14 (45%)
	2:00
	0 (0%)
	no curfew
	4 (13%)
	0 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[Brickbat]

1. In high school, mine was midnight unless I discussed it with my parents in advance.

And they never said no if I said I was going to be later -- they just wanted to know.

[seabeyond]

4. i am so glad i did this poll and only three people have posted, lol

i was off on this one.

thanks

[elehhhhna]

106. Yep. My 2 cents; keep it variable depending on the circumstances.

voila.

tip: if you aren't sure your kid is where he says he is, make him text you a photo.

[seabeyond]

109. oh

make him text you a photo.

i like that tip. lol. for my second child. how is your daughter?

the other night we got a call. his car wouldnt start. needed a jump. he really wanted to walk to a couple homes and ask for help. did not want our help, silly child, then why did you call tippin us off.

he was in a field. we found the make out field. now, it was an innocent make out, but.... lol.

at the dinner table the other night with gf and all sittin at table, i seriously told youngest, 14, when doing the kissing thing, two options. leave car running if you want to listen to music. you will use up the gas you are paying for. OR. turn car off and dont listen to music. lol

OR you will be calling parents to jump the car.

[Butterbean]

63. Exact same policy in my house.

We had to come home at whatever time was agreed upon, if we negotiated to come home later. On prom night I was allowed to stay out all night.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. When I was in college and living away from home...

We had a curfew in my dorm. It was 11:30 PM on weeknights, and 2 AM on weekends (Fri and Sat).

I put 2 AM in the poll since I was assuming it was for a weekend.

I'm curious as to what everyone else will say. I was in college more than 40 years ago!

[seabeyond]

5. ya, but you were in college and away from parents, lol.

it is interesting, huh. like i said to brick, we were off. hubby worse than i. my good son, who is way responsible is pushing for a later time and i kinda agree, and certainly trust him.

oh, on edit.... NOT 2

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. 10:00pm on a regular school night, provided homework is already done. Midnight/1am on a weekend or

special night out. (Again, providing work is done.)

[seabeyond]

8. in highschool??? lol

bah ha.... i am remembering back to when i was a kid. i think it was 11. but, cant remember. might ask my dad to see if he remembers.

[GreenPartyVoter]

49. Yeah, in high school. :^) Of course, living in a rural area there wasn't anything to go do

real late anyway. (Well, not anything that wouldn't get you arrested or pregnant. )

[seabeyond]

51. (Well, not anything that would get you arrested or pregnant. )

i am thinking in a rural area, that would be the only thing you had to do, late at night, with everything closed. you know the drinkin, drugs and sex. all those can be done after closing hours. lol

[GreenPartyVoter]

56. oops! Late-nite typo. Mean to say "wouldN'T" because yeah, that's

all there was to do!

[seabeyond]

62. oh, lmfao. that is so very funny. son wanted to know why

i was laughing.

cute

[elehhhhna]

108. in the teen recovery community they say :

nothing good happens after midnight

just sayin'

[seabeyond]

112. ya. i have heard that.

the witching hour. i like 11:30. before all those midnight people are driving home.

[ChazII]

9. Those were my times as well. n/t

[GreenPartyVoter]

52. Seem reasonable enough, if you have a kid who needs 8 hrs of sleep and has to be up for school @ 6am

[seabeyond]

64. school nights i am much more strict, with homework and getting up early

that is a hard and fast rule in this house kids do not even bother to mess with

[Booster]

6. My own mother had an odd way of handling this. My brother and I never were allowed to have

a key to the house. She told us if we weren't home by a certain time then we better find a place to spend the night cause she wasn't going to get up and answer the door. Thank God I had some really good friends who would let me sleep on their couch. I'm not saying that's the way to handle the problem cause I thought it was just asking for problems.

[seabeyond]

11. that is a creative hoot. and that is not gonna happen, lol. funny

thanks for sharing.

i figured she was gonna make you ring the bell so she could smell your breath, lol

[Booster]

15. I know I always thought it was just a little cold. lol

[seabeyond]

27. lol. a little, lol. ah ha

i have told kids if they end up in jail, dont be calling me.

the youngest said, what if i am framed.

i told him, i am sure he had done something, sometime, somewhere, suck it up or call dad.

that is funny.

[rug]

7. Why set an arbitrary time?

Why not discuss plans daily? I'm more interested in what my 17 year old doing than the time.

[seabeyond]

14. i always know what he is "supposed" to be doing. i am well connected.

we really do not have an arbitrary time. that is the problem. hubby set one. i told him call me if he needed later. and he is calling every night he goes out. telling me the time may need to be changed. curious what others did.

[rug]

21. I understand the notion of being home at a reasonable time.

The problem is kids can get into trouble at noon and be perfectly fine at midnight. I also know that an apparently arbitrary rule is a red flag for a 17 year old. And it's chafing. I try to talk to him about what he's up to and I hope he's open about it. Consequently, sometimes he's out late, sometimes he's not. Not to sound too liberal, but the answer once again is, it depends.

[seabeyond]

29. i hear ya.

i also agree, i think he has earned more flexibility.

[SoutherDem]

10. Mine was 12 but I was allowed to stay out later in rare situations

Those situations required adult supervision, like at a friends house with parents at home or out with friends with a parent with us. Also this supervision was verified.

[seabeyond]

16. 12 seems to be the going time.

and i am all for the rare occassion. though, the only times i needed later was when i couldnt go home for a reason or another, lol. which leads me not to trust that.

[JoeyT]

12. It would depend largely on the kid.

How responsible and trustworthy they are, and how likely they are to get into trouble.

[seabeyond]

17. ya. this kid has never done anything for me not to trust him and is incredibly responsible

always has been. a little adult when he was a kid.

you al are helping me to get more on his side and have a conversation with hubby to change up the time.

thanks.

[progressivebydesign]

13. raised two teenaged girls that didn't get into any trouble before or after they graduated.

It was 10pm on school nights, unless there was a special event. It was 11pm on the weekends, unless there was something special going on, or they were just at a friend's house. I didn't allow just "hanging out" late at night. Also, I needed to know where they were going to be. If they were at a friends on a Saturday night, and I said okay.. and they all decided to go somewhere else, they called or texted me.

Without home phones anymore, teens pretty much have an entirely separate life now. We don't always know who their friends are, or get to talk to the parents, But I did make a point of at least talking with any parent where they were spending the night or going to a party.

They did not see this as obtrusive, and instead were shocked at how dumb and lenient other parents were.

[seabeyond]

20. i was being swayed

then you share, lol. this is pretty much the way it works in our house, lol.

[tammywammy]

18. I didn't have a curfew.

I worked at Six Flags in high school in customer service. I was the manager my senior year and I couldn't leave our office until all guests were out of the park. If the park closed at 10, it could easily be after 11pm before we got to leave and go to cash control. Cash control was in no hurry, there were plenty of nights I didn't even get off work until after midnight (Fri, Sat and Sun during the school year).

I also discussed plans with my parents instead of just setting a time.

[seabeyond]

23. work is different.

he will work late at hastings coffee. we know what he is doing there, lol.

I also discussed plans with my parents instead of just setting a time.

we do this with some stuff, but the hanging out with the girl thing is more the issue..... instead of specifics event like a late movie that pushes him past the time he would normally come home

[tammywammy]

33. One of my best friends in HS was a guy

We never dated or anything. My parents would let him spend the night when they went out of town. Nothing ever happened, other than staying up late watching tv and an oil spot on the floor in our second garage. Once my dad was upset because a friend got in the hot tub in his regular shorts and he swore he saw bubbles from detergent residue. lol

I also think my parents were just tired after raising my two brothers and I was a good kid so they pretty much let me do my own thing.

[seabeyond]

39. that is funny....

and i already see that with my second son, old and tired. both are easy. both are responsible. well, the second one hasnt proven himself yet....

i need to lighten up on the oldest. i appreciate all of the stories on this thread.

[pnwmom]

24. My kids didn't either. We just worked it out on an ad-hoc basis.

Mostly, I wanted to know when they would be driving. I'd rather they spend the night at a friends' house than drive back when they were too tired. Often, I would tell them to call me at a certain time, unless they would be back before then.

I just remembered that my third child had a different situation, because of the new driving law. So he couldn't drive after whatever time was specified in the law -- I don't even remember.

[seabeyond]

32. , I wanted to know when they would be driving.

this is really my concern. get him off the street before too much drinking and driving.

there is a curfew law, but someone said that for his age, 17 and half, he is not under it. i guess i have to check that out.

[Go Vols]

19. At 17

I had graduated HS and moved to Nashville.Prior to that I had jobs that lasted until 1:00am or so.

I wasn't a problem child,so I guess my parents always looked at it like"give them enough rope and they will hang themselves" attitude.

[seabeyond]

25. 17 i had graduated, too. that is another something that makes it a little more tricky.

at his age i was on my own with no parental supervision. age wise. but he is going into senior year, so school wise he is behind. i have to remember that.

[Sedona]

22. My girl is about to turn 17 going into 11th grade

I NEED her in by ten because I can't stay awake any later. She's OK with it. There's nothing to do out here in the boonies at night anyway.



She gets to stay out later tonight because she's staying at a friend's house. The friend's parents can wait up, I get to go to sleep early. I can't help that I'm a morning person.



I live in a rural area, pitch black at night with winding mountain roads. If it's after dark, she's within a 3-5 mile radius, where the roads are flat and somewhat better lit.

(edited to prove my point that typos abound after 8PM)

[seabeyond]

26. The friend's parents can wait up

you are funny. i is a toughy having to stay up, IF i am tired.

son is a little older, so he is starting to own his adulthood. i can respect that. he has earned it.

[pnwmom]

28. I never wanted an arbitrary curfew to be a reason for a child to drive too fast

in an effort to get home on time. So our basic policy was to decide in advance when the child was expected to be home, but to have him/her call if s/he'd be later, so I wouldn't worry. None of them ever took advantage of the situation.

[seabeyond]

35. him/her call if s/he'd be later,

he does this. he starts before he has even left the house. last handful of times he calls a good hour, hour and half before he is suppose to be home, lol. new girlfriend. and they are having lots of fun together.

[riderinthestorm]

30. My kids aren't allowed to go out on school nights. That's homework time

and R and R.

We worked ours out so that summer, school holidays, vacations and Friday and Saturday curfews were:
Freshman year was 10:30
Sophomore year was 11
Junior year was 11:30
Senior year was 12 midnight

However there were exceptions anytime. If they were going to a concert or a school dance or a cast party they could certainly negotiate. As long as they are responsible, I give/gave them leeway.

If they are going to be late, I simply ask that they call and give me a reasonable excuse.

Once they were in college, my only rule was that they called by midnight and told me whether they were going to be home that night or when they thought they'd be home. A simple courtesy call like you'd do for any adult you were "staying" with. Its terrifying to wake up at 3 am to pee, check on your kids and find someone's missing. Its just common courtesy to let your "hosts" (even if its your parents) know when to expect you home.

Course I have a troubled 15 year old whose trying to be good so I'm giving her the leeway on curfew times with the same rules as her older sister but I also have her phone GPS tracked (she gets her drivers license in a couple of months and her car is already rigged to track that too).

[seabeyond]

36. good stuff. thanks. midnight seems to be winning

son would be happy. i do not know about hubby, lol

[riderinthestorm]

44. Its pretty hard to gauge. My oldest girl was a 16 year old senior in high school

so we got out of the "age" curfew thing and into the school maturity instead.

Some towns have curfews for teens and of course there are driving restrictions on teen licenses which also come into play (your average hs sophomore teen driving license in IL has an 11 pm curfew so that's why its pretty natural to set it there).

My troubled 15 year old spent a lot of her freshman year under house arrest so we're experimenting with more leeway (so far she's handled it beautifully) so I hate to make hard and fast rules for any other situations but afaik, most households seem to follow the rules we set

[seabeyond]

50. (so far she's handled it beautifully)

i am glad to hear this. i was curious.

that is what i said in another post. i graduated at 17. the same age as he is now. i was out of the house with no parental rules.

[riderinthestorm]

72. Aww, you actually remembered?? I'm humbled

Yup, 8 months sober out of rehab. She's the lead role in our town's community theater production (http://www.kcchronicle.com/2012/07/17/dreams-come-true-at-kanelands-cinderella/ahwgxgo/)

But of course, we've always known she's an excellent actress . Substance abuse addicts often are the most excellent liars.... I have no idea where her path lies but my job is to get her to 18 years old with all her options intact. So far we're through these first couple terrible years, hopefully she can hold it together and graduate with a future. Substance abuse problems manifesting so young usually don't hold out a lot of hope but she knows we're never going to give up on her.

Your son sounds a lot like my older girl who is so wise and mature for her age. Easy and responsible. He deserves the trust you seem to want to bestow.

Good luck!

[seabeyond]

75. “very chill”

is this her?

that is totally.... awesome.

of course i remember, all of it. i have listened to you for years, so when hearing the story it mattered, you mattered, your daughter matters.

i hear what you are saying, to have this issue so young. i also agree with how you see it (from what it sounds like), 18 and then hers to figure out.

and ya, that is what i thought when i heard the story. and another poster who has/had the same issue with her second daughter. for whatever reason the oldest picks up on the responsible. the youngest, .... a little more challenging. i have a wary eye on that second son. he is going into highschool this year. and swearing he wants to be a comic.... oh noes, ??? actress/comic... see the similarities, lol.

you take care too.

[riderinthestorm]

79. Oh yeah, that's her

so cool right, for the newspapers? Weirdly enough she's been MORE in the papers for her riding since she's a national young rider phenom so you think she'd have a bit more vocabulary when they talk to her.

Kyra's definitely on her own special path. I'm just glad I don't have any other kids to distract me from picking up on all her nuances.

She's the most naturally gifted kid - I just hate to see her become just another statistic (where every parent says "their kid was so gifted but threw it all away....&quot I hate seeing the current news story of the Aurora CO shooter. Not that my daughter is schizophrenic, its just the general parental lament.

Sigh. Thanks for being there. Sometimes it feels... lonely. Oddly enough I actually track your posts too. Your sons are growing into amazing young men. Hugs all around.

[seabeyond]

125. sometimes

everything being easy and gifted.... works against a person. my middle brother didnt need to work at anything. my parents thought that might be his biggest issue, where my other brother and i actually had to work as what we wanted.

i also believe my middle brother is bi polar and refuses test. i believe he self medicates with alcohol.

was your daughter tested for anything?

[riderinthestorm]

136. No mental illness, she's just fearless. Absolutely fearless.

Wants to "try it all" in life and not die of boredom or a dull life (her words). If she makes it out of high school sober, my great fear is that she'll be part of the "27 Club". She's my wild one for sure.

I saw downthread that you have an alarm system on your house - my daughter has just walked through the alarm in the past and taken off at 2 am for drugs and parties. She's climbed out her window and jumped off the porch roof too in order to get out and "live life". My husband and I spent 6 months taking turns staying awake in shifts overnight.

We still sleep with the keys to all vehicles under our pillows and the bikes are locked every night after she used to just take them (as a 14 year old. Farm kids learn to drive everything so she's completely confident on everything from tractors, trucks, cars, scooters, golf cart etc). After we locked down our transport she simply hitched rides - truly terrifying ("its fun Mom!" she'd say with a snarl. "I'm fine! You meet the most interesting guys that way!&quot

Fast track to being dead.

But yeah, rehab seems to have stopped the rapid descent into a death spiral. She's still randomly drug tested by the counselors so I know she's clean. She's always stayed on track at school - still gets straight A's, excels in theater and drama etc. so at least we're not climbing out of that hole too.

Right now we've had a really good summer. I know better than to think this will be how it is forever but I'm deeply grateful for this time.

[seabeyond]

138. wow. just wow. lol

omg... that is so fuckin awesome in the scariest of ways. how very special. lol. po po mom and dad, lol.

really, i know you see the awesome in it. and you and i know the scary. neither of my kids have even a little of that in them, wooosh, i say. lol.

but, isnt it still incredible that she keeps on track with school and grades?

really, i take most things to personal, to understand. this powerful young gal is all new to me.

i ca relate her to one boy. 8th grade he became friends with son. after first time at house, i told hubby, that one, that one is the one to watch, if the boys hang out later in life.

he lived life. and inevitably had broken bones. but he lived it. a couple weeks ago, (sketchy), he got in a fight with someone he shouldnt have. always looking for one. it appears he is in a coma and they are talking about unplugging him. i have been thinking about him, his parents and the period they were in our life, the last week. all the children i know, that is one with that kind of energy. fearless would be the word.

find me a decade from now. think who she will be in a decade. i dont know if i ever knew a person like this older. do you have anyone like this in your family, or your hubbys?

[riderinthestorm]

142. Well we're like that. We're pros in an extreme sport so we "model" risk taking daily

of course we wear top line safety gear and assess risks constantly. But still, its what we do and the adrenaline rush is as addictive as crack cocaine I'm sure. The counselors are pretty blunt that we've probably modelled this for her and she's learned it from us. This is the sport that permanently paralyzed Christopher Reeve. People die. Our industry is rife with substance abuse and risky behavior. The Saturday night competitor's parties are notorious for lots of booze, drugs and easy sex (and of course you can't NOT attend since that's also where you sell horses, make sponsorship contacts, woo new clients etc). Both of her grandfathers were alcoholics so its in our heritage too.

We've done what we can to minimize our kids' exposure to the worst sides of it all but honestly competitive sports is crazy-time. We managed to walk our older girl through this minefield successfully but clearly our youngest is ready to par-tay. From the little I glean elsewhere its the same with NASCAR drivers or hockey pros or tennis or rock stars.... You do your best to shield them by staying at the "family" hotels when you're on the road, and we have strict curfews, regular chores, and of course we don't do drugs or alcohol or random sex hook ups ourselves.

One thing she decided on her own was to get out of competing. She knows how much that life style was sucking her in and she needed to cut off that part of her drug world in order to get clean. Of course there's still the kids at school but she's (hopefully) getting better at dealing with it. She knows unequivocally that we will never stop loving her or fighting for her. I read the saddest post on DU from another "wild girl" (nobodyspecial - her very unfortunate username) who told me to never give up on her - that the DUer felt like her parents gave up on her and let her just go into that downward spiral.

She finally fought her way back to sobriety alone but her words haunt me.

[seabeyond]

143. thanks rider.

i didnt realize it was so much, though i have heard what you do, in the past. it sous like everything is covered, known, and right now an effort is being made.

i love noboyspecials posts. and i think every time i reply to her, i tell her she is special and needs to change that name. i didnt see the one you are referring to. thank you for sharing that, too.

[rocktivity]

31. Since it's summertime, and if he or she doesn't have to be somewhere the next morning

I'd start with midnight and see how it goes. Of, course once school starts again, I'd move it up an hour or two on weeknights.


rocktivity

[seabeyond]

37. thanks...

seems to be the magical number. we are conservative in our parenting. i am glad i am hearing from other parents.

[cynatnite]

34. Our daughters had an 11pm curfew, but was changed to midnight once they turned 18...

After they graduated high school, the curfews ended.

No real problems except the occasional 5-15 minutes late getting in.

[seabeyond]

38. i am comfortable with 11.

but also, when he wants to stay later, it is at his GFs house and the parents are there. if they do not mind, then i need to lighten up on that one.

[grasswire]

40. city curfew in my area is 10 on week nights, 12 on weekend.

It's nice to have a city curfew. Parents can just point to it and smile. This is for up to 18 y.o. or in school.

[seabeyond]

41. It's nice to have a city curfew.

you are right. we thought we had it. then someone told us we were wrong. i am gonna have to check it out. bet google will tell me. thanks.

[seabeyond]

42. ours is 16 and under. nt

[Go Vols]

43. curfews

are for people that cant be trusted.Let them go and pull the reigns in if they slip up.

[seabeyond]

45. parents that "let them go" are much more laid back than i am, lol. cant be done. but, i admire

the parent that has that ability. in all my imperfection, i am not that parent.

[Go Vols]

55. I had a father

that was most willing to "whoop" my ass if I got out of line.I don't remember him having to do it past age 12.

[seabeyond]

65. that is funny.... well, not if you are the one

getting the whoop ass. but, ya.

[seabeyond]

46. ya, right loli, i am calling you out on your vote. ya you...

[seabeyond]

47. it is interesting some of the names, with what we hear from them, the time they choose. this is fun

[Tx4obama]

48. At age 17 I had no curfew - I had already moved out of the house and down to Texas.

That was in the 70s though.

During the 80s my baby brother lived with me (out in the boonies) during his four years of high school - he was a homebody and on school nights he was always around the house very early and we had a hard time getting him to go out!
On the majority of weekends he was never around and would stay at the homes of friends in the city.
I was very lucky that he never even once got into trouble during his four years of HS and four years of college.

Nowadays, in the crazy world we live in, I think it would depend on the kid and where they want to go and who they were going there with.

[seabeyond]

54. i was on my own at 17.

good to hear what you have to say. i agree, it depends. i am going to be a bet more lenient in certain situations. find out more info. seems to be at gf's house watching movies, mostly and the parents are there. father a cop, lol.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

53. My memory is pretty bad -this was only just over a decade ago

And I'm already having trouble remembering it!!

Although I was a mostly well-behaved kid, 17 was my last year of school and my parents were quite concerned about whether I would be able to get into university or not (not because of lack of academic achievement or lack of commitment, just the normal worry that most parents have when their kids hit their final yea of school). And yet they also knew my friends and had known them (and in most cases their parents) quite well for several years -one of them even moved in the same work circles as my mother so they weren't worried about what we'd get up to together and they placed a lot of trust in us that we never violated

On weeknights and particularly in the weeknights and weekends leading up to major exams, they typically liked me to be home by about 10 at the latest (although this was largely an unspoken rule). I do remember that at some times, I was not allowed to stay up as late as some of my friends were and had to come home earlier

However, during holidays and quite often on weekends as well -if my memory serves me accurately -they were much more flexible. I think midnight was the official time but, if I was going to be home later, I had to ring up and tell them where I was and what I was doing. As long as I did that, I seem to recall they were prepared to be flexible -partially because the latest I would come back even in those circumstances was about 12:30AM-1:00AM anyway. My parents seemed to strike an adequate balance in terms of strictness and flexibility and we very rarely had any real conflicts -in fact I can only remember one time and that was because I didn't ring up and call them when I was late

[seabeyond]

59. sounds good. i had to laugh though,

a decade and already challenging to remember. cute.

my kids go to bed earlier than most of the other kids, too, on school nights. but oldest gets up early for cross country practice, and practice after school, homework, that tires a body. sleep is important, my friends, lol.

i like your story.

[Warpy]

57. I don't remember having one.

I was the dateless darling in high school, a very late bloomer. I think my folks would have had common sense requirements if I'd been more social, like 10:00 on school nights, midnight on Friday and Saturday, and no real curfew for some special events that required travel.

[seabeyond]

66. that seems to be the consensus. nt

[Drunken Irishman]

58. 1:00 sounds about right.

[seabeyond]

68. like i am gonna listen to a drunken irishman, lol.

thanks for sharing.

[Drunken Irishman]

69. That's when last call is here. ;)

[JVS]

60. 1 hour before the parents' bedtime

That way there is no staying up waiting, even if the kid is a little late.

[seabeyond]

70. that is an interesting parenting technique. nt

[Rowdyboy]

61. For a kid you pretty much trust, I think midnight is good...17's is a reasonably mature age

Be as flexible as you can as long as possible (said the man who never had a child much less a teenager!). Good luck to you both in working it out.

[seabeyond]

71. thanks rowdy....

i think that is good advice. i believe.

[wickerwoman]

67. I never had a curfew either.

If I wasn't going to be home for dinner or was going to be out after that, my parents wanted to know where I was and what I was doing and when they could expect me back but they never said "you must be back by 1am" or anything.

The summer between graduation and college when I was 18 I worked overnight shifts in the city, drove home, worked another morning shift in my local neighborhood and then slept on the days I didn't have a second shift. My parents never had an issue with that although knowing how tired I was driving 40 minutes on the freeway at 7am I'm pretty sure I would with my theoretical kids.

But I'd negotiate the time on a case-by-case basis depending on the kid, the reason, and the circumstances (what's he doing, who's he with, what does he have to do the next day?)

[seabeyond]

73. knowing how tired I was driving 40 minutes on the freeway at 7am

true that. and absolutely during the summer between is going to be him on his own, and just calling us out of courtesy.

you guys convinced me. i am gonna be more flexible in this next year.

[Irishonly]

74. I chose midnight

After remembering my daughter's high school days I don't think she had a hard and fast curfew. We were pretty strict when she was growing up and she had a great deal of common sense. Her friens used to tell me they wished their parents were more like us. I think it depends on your kid. She was very responsible and never had done anything to make us not have trust.

[seabeyond]

77. he was very responsible and never had done anything to make us not have trust.

wasnt i clever changing the she to he in copy and paste. my son too. thanks.

[alcibiades_mystery]

76. No curfew

Instill the need to call and inform.

[seabeyond]

78. ok, summer after he graduates, before college. promise, lol. nt

[alcibiades_mystery]

80. I understand your point

I'll tell you that I had no curfew my last two years of high school (in Queens, NYC), and I turned out marginally OK. Those were also two very great and hectic years for me, and I learned so much about life. But I was always meant to call if "my absence would make my Mom worry." That was a golden rule, and it really stuck with me. To be honest, I made a lot of those calls from phone booths in Manhattan while my friends and I were smoking a joint, 1 am, hard core shows, and everything just flowing. But I made the call.

Don't know what i would do today. My kids are 6 and 3, so I don't know fuck-all about it. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm not convinced I did any homework my entire senior year!

[seabeyond]

81. you are so fuckin funny... lol lol

i was a "good" kid and not. cause i never caused problems and would be respectful to my parents, too.... as i smoked that joint and didnt do what i was suppose to in school. i got away with EVERYTHING.

i never followed rules in life. i had fun. but, i didnt get to where i want to be. that he has the opportunity to do, with grades, sports, ability, ect.... i dont want him to have too much rope. but, he is more comfortable "rule following" than i was.

i liked your story.

[Posteritatis]

87. Mine was "call and inform by such-and-such a time" if there wasn't something already set up

Typical example would be going to the 10pm fireworks on holidays and calling home a little afterwards to say "it's nice out so a bunch of us are walking back home from the waterfront; we'll be back around one" if we decided to do that.

[Live and Learn]

82. Hey, I set my own curfew at 10 on week nights.

And I want everyone else to be home by then too so I can get some sleep and get to work on time. Plus, as mentioned above, it is the city curfew time too.

[Chan790]

83. I didn't have one...

I think my mother was just happy I was leaving the house and had friends.

Also when you're 17, can't drive, Catholic-seminary-bound, devoutly-religious, a HS All-American linebacker, sXe, a Junior Republican, horrifically nerdy (174IQ and reading on par with Ph.D candidates in Comp. Lit.) and misanthropic...I don't think my parents were so much concerned with the trouble I'd get into as the trouble I wasn't getting into.

OMG I was an asshole in HS.

[Smilo]

84. During school

10 p.m. unless special circumstances.

At the weekend/holidays 11 p.m. again unless special circumstances.

Always asked where going and for him to call if any problems, let us know when he was leaving.

Of course, now he is 18 and its the vacation before college................. Seriously, he does stay out later, but keeps us informed of where he will be.

[snooper2]

85. so what is the rule you gave for your kid?

[seabeyond]

88. husband had it at 10:30, but that was set

about a year ago. i have been letting it go until 11 this summer.

[peace13]

86. I don't know the magic number but I will say..

That when my son went to college he actually had less freedom than when he was at home. He said that the transition he had from HS to college was much easier than others who had not been given freedom at home. We had the kids check in on the phone when they they were out. If we needed them and they did not answer that would have been the end of it. As it turned out most of the time they ended up at our house. While it was noisy at times, we knew where they were and knew what they were up to.

Enjoy the young people!

[noamnety]

89. no curfew

At 17 I lived in a different state than my parents and was a full-time college student. No curfew.
At 17, my dad was in a different state than his parents, a full-time college student - and married. (My mother was 18 when they got married. They just celebrated their 50th anniversary)

[WCIL]

90. I didn't set a curfew either

On school nights, they were dog tired from flags, tennis, jobs, etc. and were pretty much home and asleep at 10pm. On the weekends, our rule was that they could stay out as late as they wanted to, if they kept me aware of where they were and what they were doing, and that they answered their phones when I called. They almost never stayed out past 12 anyway, as most other parents either had curfews for their kids or broke up the gatherings by then. The only other place to go was Taco Bell.

[HappyMe]

91. My sons had 10pm during the week.

Midnight on Friday and Saturday nights.
The town we lived in had a curfew, so they couldn't be out after then.

[seabeyond]

100. our town curfew is 16 and under. midnight here. nt

[HappyMe]

107. I think the town curfew was for kids under 18, iirc.

Even if there wasn't a curfew, I still would have kept to the 10pm on school nights.

[seabeyond]

113. school nights really are not a problem in this house. son has practice early morning and after

school. cross country. tons of running. AP courses and he has to maintain grades. so he is exhausted mostly.

[HappyMe]

117. Yeah, my sons rarely went out during the week.

Once in awhile after homework was done, they would walk over to a buddy's house and play video games. I knew all their friends parents, so they knew they couldn't get away with any funny business. They also had jobs washing dishes.

[seabeyond]

119. I knew all their friends parents,

this, i think is another factor. knowing the friends and their parents. and yes, son has a job at hastings coffee, so there is that factor of responsibility and time consumed.

gotcha....

thanks.

[Tsiyu]

92. The only thing I would add

is that by 17, character has pretty much formed. Now it's time to start seeing how that character plays out IRL.

The way i see it, we give teenagers more freedom so that they can practice being adults and having responsibility. When parents are too strict, kids will just lie to their parents - or wait til college and then go nuts.

The job of parenting is to prepare kids for the world. These later teenage years are your chance to see how well your child handles responsibility. So you give them more freedom. If they screw up, you adjust the limits. If they do well, you give them a little more freedom.

treating a 17-year-old like a 12-year-old is only going to make him resent you, and it isn't going to help him master the skills of being responsible for himself.

My $0.02

[seabeyond]

99. i talked to him some lst night. i am glad i started this OP to hear all these opinions.

i absolutely agree with what you are saying about to being too strict cause once they leave the house, they go wild. we have worked toward that goal. but, i like reevaluating, and peoples opinions have helped.

[Tsiyu]

121. And remember, he's probably old enough

to emancipate himself if he was that kind of kid. Then he could wreak havoc for sure! But you and your DH have been good parents and I know he realizes you only want what's best for him.

I said 2:00 on weekends in the poll, because there will be get-togethers Senior year - such as prom - where he will want to be out later. 10 or 11 on weeknights is cool, though I would make it midnight myself.

My kids always woke themselves up so i didn't have that worry. They had to get ME up and ply me to drive them by making me coffee and slowly easing it in the bedroom door like I was a caged lion. It worked lol.

You're a great mom; and a wise one to get input. Just wanted to give you some kudos cuz I know you've raised great kids and you care about doing the right thing.

[seabeyond]

128. thank you tsiyu.

i love this thread.

[Mimosa]

133. 12 would be late ona school night but...

Seabeyond, if for no other reason than a kid's safety, a curfew is a good idea.

Your kid would do the right things curfew or not. But as night time progresses the roads grow more dangerous. There are more traffic accidents later at night, especially after midnight.

If it were my son or daughter I would explain they have to keep reasonable hours so I wouldn't go crazy worrying about them getting hurt. After all most of us adults don't go out driving late at night if we can avoid it.

[MineralMan]

93. I didn't really have a curfew in high school.

I worked as a milkman, delivering milk from 5AM to 8AM six days a week. That imposed its own curfew on me. Saturday night was the only night I could stay out late, and it was usually my girlfriend's curfew that ended the evening. Fortunately, there was a 9:45 PM train that went past the place we used to park, so getting her home at 10 wasn't too difficult.

[seabeyond]

98. i talked to him last night after he got home.

his 15, almost 16 yr old GF with policeman for a father has a later curfew than he does, lol. making me say..... oooops.

[MineralMan]

118. Now, that's embarrassing for him.

My high school girlfriend's parents had a 10 PM curfew for her, but never objected to me hanging around the house after the curfew. They were early to bed, so we were often on our own after returning to her house. Probably not the best idea they ever had, but they were pretty relaxed about teen canoodling anyhow, so it all worked out.

[seabeyond]

120. ya. i just was behind on asking questions.

it is mainly hanging at the girls house, or this house watching movies. we do not care.....

but, i was concerned him outstaying his welcome at the girls house. those are factors we need to hash out.

[hunter]

94. Our city is a little rough. Curfew is 11 o'clock and enforced by the police.

My wife would tell our kids, "I worry you'll get shot," and in this case it was a reasonable imposition of Catholic mom guilt. Kids here do get shot, there are a lot of gangsters, kids themselves mostly, who can't shoot straight. They hit innocent bystanders as often as they hit their intended targets.

One of my kids got picked up past curfew by the police once. He had friends in the car, he'd forgot his driver's license and, and he was a little sarcastic to the officers. I got the call to pick both him and our car up. When I got there they were all having a good time, smiles all around. Our police seem to enjoy any incident that's not bloody or violent. But getting a call from the police near midnight shakes a parent up.

I had a feral childhood and a lot of siblings. As teenagers we might get in trouble if we forgot to tell someone where we were going, especially if we were away all night, but usually not. Generally someone in the house (and it was often someone who was just sleeping on our sofa or living on our porch for a few days) knew where a wandering sibling might be and this satisfied my parents.

[seabeyond]

97. really, my biggest concern is not my son, but others out at the late hour.

drunk driving, fights, guns. and not that he hangs with the crowd, but, wrong place, wrong time kinda thing.

good to hear even a call from police turned into a kinda funnish story. that is always a good thing, lol.

[ellie]

95. Midnight at the latest

There is no reason a 17-year-old should be running the streets after midnight. In fact, I think my curfew was 11:30.

[seabeyond]

96. i kinda like 11:30. half hour before the witching hour, lol. nt

[benld74]

101. School week 11 Week end 12-1230 BUT load them with activities

that always helps

[Cairycat]

102. As a teen, my curfew was 10 on school nights, midnight otherwise

That has worked well for my kids too. Exceptions, preferably discussed in advance, were/are fine, and nowadays with cell phones it's much easier for a kid to let a parent know what's going on.

[crim son]

103. I went with midnight when my kids were that age.

Had they found themselves in any trouble or showed any flagging with respect to schoolwork that curfew would have been changed to 9:00, however. They only got as much freedom as they earned.

[seabeyond]

105. curfew would have been changed to 9:00, however

ha ha. i LOVE that parenting. that is how this house works, also. why i want to lighten up on it cause oldest has certainly earned it. thanks.

i am talking lots to youngest. freedom. a good thing. you earn the trust, you get the freedom. i will have control of the car keys, lol

[Arkansas Granny]

104. My kids had a 10:00 curfew on school nights and whatever the law allowed on weekends.

It's been several years, so I can't remember if curfew was 11:00 or midnight on weekends when they were in high school.

[proud2BlibKansan]

110. What my dad did worked beautifully

As each of us turned 16 and started driving, he told us the following:

I'm not going to give you a curfew. I trust you to have the good judgment to know to arrive home at a decent hour. If you demonstrate that you can't do that, I'll give you a curfew. We'll begin at 9 pm and work backwards from there.

Worked for 4 kids. None of us ever arrived home at anything other than a decent hour.

[seabeyond]

114. If you demonstrate that you can't do that, I'll give you a curfew.

We'll begin at 9 pm and work backwards from there.

i like this. the other night son wanted to stay out later than usual. i was back and forth on it. told him, you have to get up at 5:30 for work. and i am NOT getting up at that time to make sure he is out of bed. it is all on his shoulders.

i said ok.

he came home

said thinking about it, he thought it best he not stay out late.

told him, good decision. being responsible. thumbs up.

so i hear ya

[SickOfTheOnePct]

141. Somewhat similar at my house when I was growing up

I had to let mom and dad know when I was going to be home though, and mom would set an old Big Ben wind up alarm clock in the living room for whatever time I said. If I got home in time, I turned off the alarm and went to bed. If I was late, the alarm went off, woke up the parents, and they locked the deadbolt (to which I didn't have a key). I only had to sleep in my car a couple of times before I got the message that they were serious.

[sufrommich]

111. My son's curfew at 17 was 10:00 weeknights,11

weekends.He didn't turn 18 until after he graduated and he started college the next fall so that was the end of curfews for him.

[seabeyond]

115. i think i am settlin on 11:30

i have to have a base. and then negotiable from there, with special situations.

week nights, kids dont get to stay out until 10. they are in bed by 9. lol lol. i am bad. but they get up so early. son has two practices a day running. school work, grades.... NO.

[DiverDave]

116. 10 is resonable hour.

Just my .02
Course when I was 17 I worked and sometimes didnt get home till 1 or 2.

[Motown_Johnny]

122. It kinda depends on when the parent(s) are going to sleep

I would say that the kid must be home before the parents go to bed. You would want to see him/her and make sure they are home safe. You also would want to see if he/she looks drunk or high or injured or whatever.....


I went with 11:00 but I think the right answer is that you want to see your child every night (with very few exceptions) before you retire for the evening.


Then make sure he/she can't sneak back out. That is the hard part.

[seabeyond]

126. lol,

we have an alarm system. boys come to spend the night and i announce, turning on the alarm, no going out. lol. that has worked well for us. plus we go to bed so late.

[Motown_Johnny]

139. My friend's son learned how to turn off the alarm and the little "beep" when the door opens

He got caught, obviously, but don't depend to much on the alarm. Kids are smart.


If you tend to go to bed late then a later curfew might be OK. I just think you should touch base with them each night, that was really my point.

[seabeyond]

140. you should touch base with them each night

i agree. thanks, motown.

[SickOfTheOnePct]

123. I said "No curfew", but it merits an explanation

School nights for my oldest (18 and about to leave for college) was 11:00 PM, unless there was a school function that ran late. Weekends were tell self-imposed, i.e., tell me what your plans are, we agree on a reasonable time to be home, but be home by that time. If you won't be home by that time, call.

Younger daughter (16, rising junior) will be same rules for school nights, midnight on weekends. Assuming she is responsible and follows the rules, at 17 she'll have the same deal her older sister had.

[MadrasT]

124. 10 on school nights, midnight on weekends

Unless an exception is negotiated in advance.

[Scuba]

127. A curfew? Alright! Another way to dis my parents!!!

[seabeyond]

129. ??? why is that? nt

[Scuba]

132. kids are rebellious, forbidden fruit and all that....

My kids never had a set curfew. They told me or Mrs. Scuba what time they'd be home. If we thought it was too late we talked about it.

[seabeyond]

134. my kids are not particularly rebellous. and they are not wimps either, lol.

i think it is what you are suggesting with no curfew. reason works in this house, and negotiation and the kids know i am on their side and not a particular rule follower myself. i am pretty good remembering what it is to be a teen and reasoned when issues come up. my son got particularly angry in the 8th grade saying he had no reason to rebel. lol. i didnt give him anything to rebel about. and neither have shown an inclination for self harm, so when reason is pointed out the harm in, they get it.

i already addressed this issue with husband. pointing out at this age i was already out of the house, and son showing signs of pushing the adulthood thing. saying, the thing with parenting is listen to the kids and they clue you in when the boundary needs to be moved, so we are not setting ourselves up for battle.

and thanks for you post

[Scuba]

137. Sounds like you get it. Good luck.

[Quantess]

130. I had no curfew.

I was a good student but I was also kind of wild. But I was a good student, so... whaddya gonna do 'bout it, mom & dad?

[Turbineguy]

131. Actually I think it's more important to focus on good decision making.

I told my kids that we could discuss just about anything except safety issues. They were not negotiable. Of course you have to be careful not to play the "Safety Issue" card too often. Both my kids survived adolescence and there was one relatively minor traffic accident. There have been no accidents since (16 years).

My daughter once got a ride home from some people she didn't know and we talked about it. She saw our point and there was no punishment. We gave them as much freedom as possible and did not monitor their internet use, only cautions them about online predators.

They saw that we would be up until they got home and we did not hide that we were inconvenienced.

I was flying by the seat of my pants the whole way!

[seabeyond]

135. good post.

a lot the same, not all.... thanks.

[SoCalDem]

144. School night..10PM..Fri & Sat midnight nt

[frogmarch]

145. Our town had a 10 pm curfew for kids

under 18. I think it was midnight on Friday and Saturdays. A siren even blew to tell kids it was time to go home. It worked well with my kids, who were more afraid of the cops than of mr. froggy and me.