Roy Moore Opens Press Conference With Story About Hemorrhoids

[DonViejo]

by Lawrence Bonk | 4:29 pm, November 16th, 2017

Roy Moore just conducted a bizarre press conference in which he was introduced as “the candidate we dream of.”

The Alabama Senate candidate, who has been repeatedly accused of sexually assaulting minors, used the opportunity to tout his defiance to both major political parties. He also began his remarks by talking about hemorrhoids.

-snip-

The anecdote started with Moore describing his early days on the bench, with a seasoned veteran telling him he needed to invest in some eyeglasses, so as to appear smart, and needed to have gray or thinning air, to show experience. The third thing he needed? Hemorrhoids.

“You have to have one other thing,” Moore quoted the judge. “You have to have hemorrhoids.”

“It gives you a concerned look.”

The audience burst into laughter, though folks on Twitter were a bit more cautious, with many simply confused as to why Moore would tell such a strange story after being accused of such serious acts.

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https://www.mediaite.com/online/roy-moore-opens-press-conference-with-story-about-hemorrhoids/

[RKP5637]

1. A psychoanalyst might find this interesting in lieu of what's going on. n/t

[Pachamama]

8. +1000

I agree

[Watchfoxheadexplodes]

2. Just what I would want a judge with an itchy backdoor

Ready to drop sentence so he can scratch.

[dalton99a]

3. Asshole introduces itself

[MineralMan]

4. Everyone should send him a travel-sized package of Preparation H.

[C_U_L8R]

5. Apparently it's a big problem in Alabama

Who knew.

[gratuitous]

6. "Moore ducked all questions"

Gee Roy, even Jesus stood and answered the trickiest, most hostile questions. Do you think you're better than Jesus, and don't have to answer any questions?

[Kirk Lover]

7. He asked an old judge for advice..and the old judge said you don't need honesty

integrity and something else that I forget...but he told old Roy these alternatives like the hemorrhoids so he can look concerned so he can just FAKE IT. Great fucking story you FOOL.

It was really quite telling.

[GeorgeGist]

9. have we really become this saturnine?

[Motley13]

10. Roy Moore is a hemorrhoid

[Dave Starsky]

13. If Roy Moore were to use Preparation H...

He would shrink up and vanish entirely.

I wish he would.

[CatMor]

11. Roy Moore is a hemorrhoid.

[Initech]

12. Yeah we don't need to hear about your hemmorhoids, Moore.

[struggle4progress]

14. "Vote for me! I even have hemorrhoids!"

Go get em, Roy