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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMueller Immediately Closes Investigation After Hearing Putin Proclaim His Innocence
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)The special counsel Robert Mueller announced on Saturday that he was closing the Justice Departments Russia investigation, effective immediately, after hearing that President Vladimir Putin, of Russia, said he was innocent of any election meddling.
Moments after learning about Putins assertion, Mueller hastily assembled his staff of investigators to inform them that, now that Putin had fully exonerated himself, there was no point in continuing the probe.
Vladimir Putin says he did nothing, Mueller told his staff. Thats good enough for me.
Speaking later to reporters, Mueller said that, by disbanding his investigation, he was following the time-honored law-enforcement tradition of taking a suspects word for it.
For the past several months, weve assembled tax records, cell-phone recordings, bank transfers, and e-mail communications that indicated Russia was involved in the election, a visibly shaken Mueller said. Somehow, we got it wrongvery, very wrong.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mueller-immediately-closes-investigation-after-hearing-putin-proclaim-his-innocence
Madam45for2923
(7,178 posts)Lucky US!
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)and he went to Vietnam too!
HipChick
(25,485 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)holds it's breath...
Mr. Ected
(9,670 posts)You know they would.
J_William_Ryan
(1,757 posts)told his staff. Thats good enough for me.
What isnt funny is its good enough for Trump.
Doitnow
(1,103 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)The Orange Julius calender!
IronLionZion
(45,530 posts)happiness is a choice
czarjak
(11,296 posts)Demoiselle
(6,787 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)SergeStorms
(19,204 posts)He really knows how to stir things up. I really hope one of Trump's aides gives this to him as real news. Someone who's never heard of Borowitz. Trump would have an aneurysm. So.......good news, right?
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)Be hilarious.
He'd stroke out when he found out it was satire.
Amaryllis
(9,525 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)He should by now!
Fritz Walter
(4,292 posts)The State of Alabama just lowered the age of consent to 12 years, retroactive to 1980.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)3auld6phart
(1,050 posts)Andy,Andy,Andy. You dang near got me again.
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)The only one.
I gave some cons elsewhere heart attacks with this.
calimary
(81,487 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)was particularly funny.
red dog 1
(27,856 posts)I love Andy B.
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)Hope it brightened your day!
L. Coyote
(51,129 posts)"We've been trying to find a tall leader for a long time" one of Putin's aids proclaimed.
"There was no deal of any kind," proclaimed Putin, "I'm like everyone else, I like tall leaders."
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)NastyRiffraff
(12,448 posts)In this case, "that's good enough" for TRUMP.
treestar
(82,383 posts)tradition of taking the suspects word for it.
ginnyinWI
(17,276 posts)to borrow a phrase from Abraham Lincoln.
"You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."
Abraham Lincoln
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)Lincoln was a great man!
Blue Owl
(50,505 posts)MontanaMama
(23,337 posts)For the Dotard to read? There's no way he could know who Andy Borowitz is...somebody PLEASE get this to him so that he can tweet about it stating that the Borowitz Report got it right and is telling the truth about him. He is THAT much of a moron.
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)Trump wishes it was true, no doubt.
dalton99a
(81,590 posts)orangecrush
(19,620 posts)Proud Democrat
(9 posts)Asshat in Chief thinks this is the real deal.
orangecrush
(19,620 posts)I know it isn't him though.
The ass isn't big enough.