Sit Down And Shut Up-An Ode To Chris Christie......
You're a real big shot, get a mop, I worked the cones, you're an idiot, get the hell off the beach, sit down and shut up and so many more endearing moments over the past eight years. I think it's time to take a stroll down memory lane with Chris Christie. I hesitate to write this now, because there's still nine more weeks until he's gone, and who knows what might happen in that time. But I've been waiting a long time for this day, so please indulge me.
People who serve in public office like to think about the legacy they leave behind. I'm sure Chris Christie is no different. So as this moment of reflection arrives for my favorite governor, let's help him look back on his days in office. It's a good time for one last look at the Christie Crime Digest first posted almost four years ago. The sheer volume of bad things and the depravity of Mr. Christie's behavior over that time are difficult to grasp. It really is overwhelming. To accumulate a record like this, I would think you would have to purposely be trying to do the wrong thing at every turn. But he was always a jerk and thinking that being elected governor was going to change that was fantasy. Nobody should be surprised at how things turned out for a guy leaving office with a 14% approval rating. I think that means he must know every single person in New Jersey who approves of his performance.
So, like following the path of an F-5 tornado, lets take a look at the wreckage left in the wake of this guy:
1. Four of his closest associates convicted of Federal crimes, their careers and reputations ruined.
2. The CEO and other members of the senior management team at United Airlines resigned-their careers ended in disgrace.
3. Hurricane Sandy recovery botched-billions of dollars in disaster recovery money wasted.
4. The mayor of a town flooded out by Sandy strong-armed to support a development for one of Christie's buddies.
5. New Jersey's once prime credit rating downgraded again and again.
6. Millions of dollars in legal fees paid to a friend's law firm he hired to investigate himself.
7. A badly needed new Hudson River rail tunnel scuttled.
8. Giving control of pension funds to a friend's firm for higher fees and lower returns
9. Taking a trip on the dime of his "good friend" the King of Jordan
10. Whooping it up with Jerry Jones at a Cowboys playoff game (on Jerry's dime)
11. Diverting environmental clean-up settlements to the general budget instead of cleaning up pollution.
12. Flying to his kid's baseball games in the State Police Helicopter
13. He abused his state expense account
14. He diverted hundreds of millions of dollars in Port Authority funds to unqualified projects
15. Sent Sandy money to towns where mayors endorsed him but didn't necessarily have Sandy damage
16. Had a career prosecutor fired for investigating one of Christie's supporters
17. Sold out the state for his national political ambitions
18. The "chairman's flight"
19. Sitting with your family on the closed beach while everyone else was excluded.
20. Quid pro quo campaign donations from United executives
21. Pushing a gas pipeline through the globally important Pinelands region.
22. Gutting environmental regulations.
I could go on, but it's pointless. The record speaks for itself. Along the way he abused teachers, constituents, opponents-anybody who deigned to disagree with him. A lying, scheming, self-promoting creep. The loud mouthed bloated bully who reveled in yelling and talking over people-right up until yesterday when he gave one of his fellow Mendham Township residents the full Christie treatment for questioning him while he left his polling place-of course in front of TV cameras.
When all is said and done, what will he be remembered for? Bridgegate? The fat guy with the ice cream cone chasing someone down the boardwalk? Yelling in the face of a teacher while his wife stood by with a mindless smile on her face? The guy who threw Wildstein, Baroni, Kelly and Samson under the bus? Trying to high-five Jerry Jones in the Cowboys owner's box? Using Sandy money for a commercial featuring his family on the beach? The yelling obnoxious jerk from his town hall meetings? The buffoon in a softball uniform? The guy yelling at a Cubs fan? Staying with his family in Disneyland during a blizzard? Sitting on the beach in Island Beach State Park on July 4 while your constituents were banned? It's all of the above. That's quite a legacy. This state is lucky to have survived the last eight years (is that all it's been?) . Chris Christie will be remembered as one of the most reviled public figures in American history. It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
So goodbye Chris Christie. Off to Fox News, or a lobbying firm, the Trump administration or wherever life takes you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. I hope your money soothes your ego-but you know it won't. A guy like you won't be able to deal with the fact that everywhere you go people will be laughing at you. You earned your reputation. I'm just sorry New Jersey had to pay for it.
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