BREAKING: Trump Claims DNC Hired Russian Hookers to Pee on Him

[L. Coyote]

#imPEEch

Andy Borowitz
15 mins ago

Trump Claims DNC Hired Russian Hookers to Pee on Him

WASHINGTON - In an explosive allegation, Donald Trump claimed today that the DNC and Hillary Clinton hired the Russian prostitutes who peed on him at the Moscow Ritz. “Ask those hookers,” he told Sean Hannity of Fox News. “Someone paid them to pee on me. If I had hired them, they never would have gotten paid.”

[Angry Dragon]

1. brought a smile

[lagomorph777]

2. Heee hee!

Wait - I just realized he might have actually said this. It's so hard to tell these days.

[Wounded Bear]

4. Trump and the Repubs war on sarcasm and irony is bearing fruit...

[Gothmog]

3. I love Andy Borowitz

[octoberlib]

5. This is the best one yet!

[crosinski]

6. Well, I guess the game is over. We should just confess that we threw the election to Trump.

Damn. How did they find out!?

[IronLionZion]

8. It's N-dimensional chess

as we schemed him up as a way to embarrass and expose the Republicans.

Seriously, for a while during the campaign I often wondered if Hillary had secretly asked him to run just so that he would be easy to beat.

[IronLionZion]

7. And the poor helpless guy just lay there and took it

because he's not as tough as he pretends to be.

[SergeStorms]

15. Why do you think.....

his hair is that color? It isn't Lady Clairol.

[Paladin]

9. Borowitz nails it, yet again. (nt)

[Honeycombe8]

10. I guess this is a joke post? nt

[L. Coyote]

13. No, just the post-sarcasm world where reality and irony have merged into

a single stream.

[-_O_-]

32. Ohh - good one

I see what you did there.

[malaise]

11. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

[imanamerican63]

12. There are many sick people in this world, but I can't believe that before Trump ran for president...

the DNC would know when Trump would be in Russia as a private citizen. Oh and one other thing this proves that Trump was lying when he had never had contact with any Russians before!

[SergeStorms]

14. Borowitz cracks me up.

Especially since that's exactly what Trump would say, because NOTHING IS EVER DONNIE'S FAULT!

Damned funny!

[TNNurse]

16. I love Andy and could not stand to be without him,

But sometimes he says things that I really wish were true.

[tiptonic]

17. Oh god

If there is one, please help us. This man, is out of his, freaking mind.

[videohead5]

18. I Think What's in The Dossier

Is Trump paid the hookers to pee on the same bed Obama slept in.

[xxqqqzme]

31. I wouldn't doubt that

for a second.

[videohead5]

34. From Newsweek

Here it is...

They describe videos taken of Trump in a Moscow hotel room in 2013 together with Russian prostitutes. And not just together with them but “employing a number of prostitutes to perform a ‘golden showers’ [urination] show in front of him," according to the memos.
And it didn’t end there. The act occurred in the presidential suite of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel, where Trump was said to be aware that the president and first lady Michelle Obama had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia. The “[perverted] conduct” was said to be a deliberate act of “defiling” the bed on which the Obamas had slept.

[MontanaMama]

19. You got me!

I was all excited when I clicked on this thread...

[keithbvadu2]

20. "If I had hired them, they never would have gotten paid. Proof that Trump must have said it..

[NoMoreRepugs]

21. It's just barely sarcasm .....

I could see little hands Donnie not paying.

[Sunsky]

22. Lol

If those pee pee tapes ever surface, I'm sure he'll find a way to blame Hillary and Obama. Borowitz maybe exploring his psychic abilities in this one.

[VOX]

23. Fundraising idea: Trump sitting over a dunk-tank filled with whiz.

What would it be worth to sink that lying, miserable SOB into a tankful of pee? (I just realized that I'm threatening him with a good time. Forget it!)

[Fritz Walter]

24. It would wipe out the deficit in Pay-per-View

And the cool part is that it could be done virtually— without having to collect that much urine or somehow get the shitgibbon to appear in person. Better still: an app that charges players to throw the ball at the bullseye. If I knew how to code, I’d take this on. Could retire as a millionaire!

When real life fails to deliver, improvise!

[VOX]

29. I like how you think, FW!

Same about being code-deficient. But we got brains!

[riversedge]

25. The more outlandish, the more the Trumpsters are likely to believe!

[Rhiannon12866]

26. Jesus! I ask once again - What is wrong with him??!!

[VOX]

30. It's a litany. Is he even human?

I have some serious doubts!

[Rhiannon12866]

41. I honestly don't think so. No human behaves as he does.

He even has trouble with simple words - whoever programmed him did a very poor job.

[Honeycombe8]

37. It's not real. It's a joke. nt

[Rhiannon12866]

40. Thanks! Stupid me, I was on my phone and didn't read through

And I love Borowitz! But given the fact that he keeps bringing up Hillary Clinton for no good reason at all - when he's the one being investigated - you can't really blame me...

[L. Coyote]

45. Today the Orange Menace actually tweeted Hillary colluded, Borowitz is reacting to Trump's

insane accusations and all the dossier distractions. No doubt, DOJ and thereby Trump too had a heads up on the indictments filed today. It has been obvious this week that the distractions intensified and Hillary was being bombarded.

Link to tweet

Link to tweet

[Rhiannon12866]

54. Thanks for the details! And I really shouldn't feel that stupid

Borowitz wouldn't be so funny if there wasn't a grain of truth in everything he says - Trump has become so outrageous that anything seems possible. The only thing that Hillary is "guilty" of is having the terrible misfortune to run against the most offensive and abusive "candidate" in history. Oh, and he cheats. He's like a little kid, pointing at anyone else when he's caught doing something wrong.

[Honeycombe8]

47. No. Anything is possible with Trump. You never know. nt

[Rhiannon12866]

55. I know! Everything we used to think was out of bounds is just normal behavior for Trump.

Hillary Clinton was my senator - and in 2000 her Republican opponent was Rick Lazio. During a debate, he walked over to her side of the stage - and it was regarded so out-of-bounds and threatening that his campaign was over then and there. And if you've ever seen Rick Lazio, he does not look remotely scary. Compare that to Trump pacing and lurking right behind Hillary when they debated. That had to make anyone watching uncomfortable, it creeped me out. So how did he manage to get so many votes after that??


Rick Lazio:

[onecent]

60. I don't believe this is a joke. Dotard was out of the country .. figured he could do it he wanted

too.....and Putin put it up for sale....

I AM LOVING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Honeycombe8]

64. No, the poster said it's a joke. nt

[Fritz Walter]

27. Andy is a National Treasure

Witness:

[NastyRiffraff]

28. This will be all over Fox News

InfoWars, Freepers, etc.

[dhill926]

33. Is there a link for non Facebookites?

this looks like a great one haha....

[L. Coyote]

63. That's the whole text.

There's a link to his video and a picture of the Hannity interview. Great day to rub salt in his wounds.

You can sign up for his e-mail blasts.

Link to tweet

[SunSeeker]

35. LOL

[lindysalsagal]

36. If only...He's really dumb enough to say something like this....

[Plucketeer]

38. Uh-oh!

Urine trouble now, Donnie!

[bluestarone]

39. lol

GOOD ONE

[Mediumsizedhand]

42. Made me laugh.

[Blue Owl]

43. Trump's Urineium Deals

n/t

[L. Coyote]

46. You win the Internets today. ROFLMAO

Link to tweet

Except maybe Andy Borowitz!

[BlancheSplanchnik]

44. ROFL!!!

When it's trDump, a headline like that is totally plausible.

[TrogL]

48. Im completely lost. Is this real or not?

The link doesn’t go to a well known parody site.

[L. Coyote]

58. Excited Crowd Outside Muellers Office Awaits First Arrest

Excited Crowd Outside Mueller’s Office Awaits First Arrest
“My husband is having surgery today, but I didn’t want to miss this,” one woman said.

By Andy Borowitz - New Yorker Satirist

I follow him on Fb too: https://www.facebook.com/andyborowitz/

[Jakes Progress]

49. And since more people watch faux

than Maddow, the country will believe it.

[Xipe Totec]

50. Wicked Pissah! nt

[democratisphere]

51. Urine a lot of trouble for spreading these funny rumors.

[MLAA]

52. IMPotus really is a little piss ant

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

53. Thanks Borowitz & OP.

Comic relief is appreciated in these dark, disturbing times.

[Shoonra]

56. Nonsense !!

This is obviously absurd!

Why should Hillary and the Democratic National Committee have to go all the way to Moscow and pay Russian prostitutes to urinate on Trump.

I know for a FACT that right now, right here, there is a multitude of people who are eager to urinate on Trump for free!

[L. Coyote]

59. It is happening for sure,

right here on DU, non-stop day in and day out, seven days a week, a steady stream ....

[mdbl]

57. ROFL!

[dalton99a]

61. Spot on.

[L. Coyote]

62. Russia, if you're listening, I hope youre able to find the missing Pee Pee Tape.

Link to tweet

Some hilarious stuff if you search "pee tape" on twitter.