Borowitz: Obama Begins Calling American People to Console Them About Trump Being President

[Tommy_Carcetti]

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/obama-begins-calling-american-people-to-console-them-about-trump-being-president

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former President Barack Obama has started calling every person in America to offer consolation about Donald Trump being President, Obama has confirmed.

“It’s something I meant to do right after the Inauguration,” Obama said, during a brief break from the phone calls. “I feel terrible that I didn’t get to it sooner.”

The former President said that, although the phone calls are a small gesture, he felt that he had to do whatever he could to extend his sympathy about Trump being President.

“There’s a lot of pain out there that a phone call from me can never fix,” he said. “Still, I want people to know that I care.”


More at link.

[ffr]

1. Makes me a Gold Star Citizen. And I vote.

[Vinca]

2. I have to admit, a call from Obama would be the best thing ever right now.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

3. Like Borowitz, but Obama has titanium spine, thick skin, clear mind & light heart. . nt

[rainin]

4. We can't all talk to him,

but I'm curious what he thinks about all of this. Does he know how this is affecting people? (I'm not saying he can personally do anything about, I just wonder if he knows what's happening to all of us.) I worry about my mental health, the stress is unreal. I've never seen anything like this. When will it end?

[stpetegreg]

7. I've got a ticket to see him in Richmond

on Thursday and I'm hoping he will provide a bit of sanity, even if it's only temporary!

[rainin]

8. Please tell me

if he offers any hope. I so badly need it right now.

[Gothmog]

5. I love good satire

[L. Coyote]

6. Borowitz 13 mins ago: McCain Attacks "Spurious Nationalism," Forcing Trump to Google Both Words

Yesterday: Hey Donald J. Trump you seem a little confused. You think Obama never consoled military families. Actually, the thing he never did was sexually assault women.

[grantcart]

9. A national treasure

[raven mad]

10. I'll let you know when I get mine.

There are few things more soothing than Barack Obama's voice!