White House: Months later, Stephen Miller's gifts of homemade date nut bread remain uneaten

[Miles Archer]

No link yet. Breaking News.

Washington DC: During her daily press conference, Sarah Huckabee Sanders was repeatedly pressed upon by CNN reporter Jim Acosta on what has become and increasingly touchy subject: The rumors that Trump Aide Stephen Miller's January 20th gifts to White House staffers had remained uneaten.

Miller, in an effort at team-building among the White House staff, had delivered over 150 Saran Wrap-covered packages throughout the White House to every level of personnel, from maintenance staff to top figures including Ivanka Trump and Jared Jushner. Nine months into the Trump Presidency, all 150 loaves of Miller's homemade date nut bread remain uneaten.

Sanders first attempted to deflect Acosta's questions with a terse "I haven't had an opportunity to speak with the President about this." Acosta, ever vigilant, replied "I'm not asking the President, Sarah...I'm asking you." Sanders became increasingly agitated as Acosta attempted multiple lines of questioning before shouting "OK! You want an answer? The answer is NO! No one has eaten Stephen's date nut bread! No one! Except maybe Steve Bannon. He took his with him when he left the White House!"

Speaking with an unnamed staff member, CNN was able to photograph one of the alleged loaves:



Each wrapped loaf was accompanied by a hand-written card to the recipient, which read "I made this for you. All by myself. With my own two hands. You could almost say there's a little bit of me in every loaf. Enjoy, and let's Make America Great Again." Each loaf was also accompanied by a mini-tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." The note continued "PS: Believe the label. It's NOT Butter. Love, Stephen."



When asked if any staffers had discarded their loaves, Sanders replied "No...no one wants to hurt Stephen's feelings." When asked how they handled Miller asking why they hadn't eaten any of his gift for nine months, most replied "Oh...I'm saving it for a special occasion," to which Miller often replied "WHAT "special occasion?" We WON! Donald Trump is PRESIDENT!" The most frequent reply to that assertion has been "I'm saving it to celebrate the passing of TrumpCare," knowing that day would never come.

Stephen Miller did not return CNN's calls for comments.

[Me.]

1. I Don't Believe He Made the 150 Loaves Himself

[Flaleftist]

2. Maybe he should given them pot brownies instead.

[samnsara]

3. how can anyone turn down a loaf of banana nut bread??

...are they all THAT paranoid?

[ProudLib72]

5. DATE nut bread

Would you seriously want a date with Miller? Come to think of it, would you want to hold Miller's banana?

[DesertRat]

16. Just curious, what exactly do you find "insanely attractive" about him?

And welcome to DU!

[roamer65]

4. "The little bit of me in every loaf" comment would make me throw it away just to be safe.

God only knows what that scumbag added to it.

[frogmarch]

9. My thought exactly!

[ProudLib72]

6. Now that they've turned into bricks

They can use them to build the wall!

[mindfulNJ]

7. Didn't you all see "The Help"?

"A little bit of me in every loaf" NO WAY that would ever be eaten by me. Straight into the trash. Ewwwww

[Buns_of_Fire]

8. Maybe they're being used as doorstops? nt

[monmouth4]

10. I swear to gawd I was looking for Andy Borowitz or The Onion names on this. OMG!..n/t

[HipChick]

11. Me too...is this for real?

[Miles Archer]

12. I wrote it

My secret code for anything I write myself is "Breaking News - no link yet."

[HipChick]

13. Great Writing piece BTW...