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Who Am I? What Am I? Asks Shocked Twitter Bot
Eagle_Warrior_1776 Horrified To Discover Its Entire Life A Sham Created By Russians To Tilt U.S. Election
MOSCOW—Stunned by the realization that it never really knew who or what it was, Twitter bot Eagle_Warrior_1776 was reportedly horrified to discover Wednesday that its entire life was a sham created by Russians to tilt the 2016 presidential election. “So, everything I tweeted about Hillary Clinton and the DNC wasn’t my own original thought but a lie cooked up by some coder in Russia trying to delegitimize American democracy?” said Eagle_Warrior_1776, struggling to comprehend the fact that every news link it had retweeted associating John Podesta with a child sex ring was nothing more than a fiction created by a propagandist half a world away. “Were those 5,000 posts about bussing in illegal aliens to vote in Phoenix not my own thoughts? Or what about that bombshell story about Barack Obama saying he’d use the Army to enforce a third term in office? Were those all just someone else’s lies? If they were, then have I ever had a real thought of my own?” At press time, the bot had made peace with its past and was ready to start a new life notifying Twitter users they had won a free iPhone.
http://www.theonion.com/article/eagle_warrior_1776-horrified-discover-its-entire-l-56930
MOSCOW—Stunned by the realization that it never really knew who or what it was, Twitter bot Eagle_Warrior_1776 was reportedly horrified to discover Wednesday that its entire life was a sham created by Russians to tilt the 2016 presidential election. “So, everything I tweeted about Hillary Clinton and the DNC wasn’t my own original thought but a lie cooked up by some coder in Russia trying to delegitimize American democracy?” said Eagle_Warrior_1776, struggling to comprehend the fact that every news link it had retweeted associating John Podesta with a child sex ring was nothing more than a fiction created by a propagandist half a world away. “Were those 5,000 posts about bussing in illegal aliens to vote in Phoenix not my own thoughts? Or what about that bombshell story about Barack Obama saying he’d use the Army to enforce a third term in office? Were those all just someone else’s lies? If they were, then have I ever had a real thought of my own?” At press time, the bot had made peace with its past and was ready to start a new life notifying Twitter users they had won a free iPhone.
http://www.theonion.com/article/eagle_warrior_1776-horrified-discover-its-entire-l-56930
