White mother of black children (and white children) tells it like it is.

[pnwmom]

Everywhere they go, her black children are treated differently.

http://www.dailyo.in/variety/black-lives-matter-alton-sterling-dallas-police-shooting-donald-trump/story/1/11936.html

As a white mother of two black children and three white children, who all have a white father, I have something to say. Racism exists. It is real and tangible. And it is everywhere, all the time.

When I brought my boys home they were the cutest, sweetest babies ever. Wherever we went, people greeted us with charm and enthusiasm. Well, not all people and not everywhere. But, to me, they were the "wacko" exceptions. I thought to myself, "Get over it".

Now my boys are teenagers. Black teenagers. They are 13.

Let me ask you these questions.

Do store personnel follow your children when they are picking out their Gatorade flavors? They don't follow my white kids.

SNIP

The reason why the phrase "All Lives Matter" is offensive to black people is because it isn't true. Right now, in America, my black children are treated differently than my white children.

So when you say "All Lives Matter" as a response to the phrase "Black Lives Matter" you are completely dismissing the near daily experience of racism for those with pigment in their skin, curl in their hair and broadness of their nose.

I am posting this so you can see the reality I have witnessed and experienced, because, frankly, I didn't believe it was true until I saw it up close, directed at two souls I love, over and over again.

So, please, use this post as a pair of glasses to see the racism that surrounds you. Then we can actually make progress towards all lives being valued and cherished.

[MLAA]

1. Thanks for sharing. The Mom certainly has a front row seat/perspective on racism & white priveledge

[herding cats]

2. She has a powerful voice.

I'm glad she's using it to enlighten people on what the true reality of being black in America is.

[DesertFlower]

3. a few week ago i was stopped for speeding.

i got a "warning". i thought to myself if this was danielle -- who is my 1/2 black hairdresser, she would have gotten a ticket. her husband has been stopped for "driving while black".

[pnwmom]

4. The grandchildren of the King County Executive (in WA) have been stopped

for walking while black -- to their ball games.

He himself was stopped numerous times within a couple of years.

[Maraya1969]

60. In a Louie Vuitton store in Italy the sales person would not sell Oprah a handbag.

He kept saying it was for "Italian people only". She and the people she was with kept asking him questions and finally a manager came out and said she could have the bag, (it was for a friend's niece who had picked it out)

But then the niece said she really wanted the one in the window which was a different color and the sales person said: "NO"

So somehow an Italian who knew who she was came in and talked with the sales person and manager and she said, "It must have been the Oprah conversation" because after they turned around they said, "You can have anything in the store and would you like champagne!"

She was laughing about it but then again she is Oprah.

[oberliner]

5. What website is this?

Did they just take someone's Facebook post and paste it on their site and pass it off as reporting?

[pnwmom]

6. The title credits her as the writer, and the piece ends with a link to her public Facebook posting.

They weren't passing it off as "reporting." It was obviously someone's personal -- but completely public -- posting.

Mother of two black and three white kids' post on racism is a must read

'What I did not realise until now is that the cloak I was offering my kids was identification with my whiteness,' writes Kate Riffle Roper.

[oberliner]

41. They list the writer as "DailyBite"

The Facebook post itself is from over a year ago.

[pnwmom]

47. No, that's just the name of the web page, not of the writer.

The title, in white letters on a black background, is:

Mother of two black and three white kids' post on racism is a must read

And immediately below the title it says:

'What I did not realise until now is that the cloak I was offering my kids was identification with my whiteness,' writes Kate Riffle Roper.

And at the very end of the piece it again gives the writer credit.

(This post first appeared on Kate Riffle Roper's Facebook page.)


And what difference does it make that the post is from a year ago? It's NOT reporting. It's an opinion piece by Kate Riffle that is just as true today.


It seems odd that you are nitpicking on this stuff while completely ignoring the seriousness of the topic Kate addresses.

[oberliner]

49. At the bottom of the article it says: "Writer, Daily Byte".

Yes, there is also the parenthetical comment about the post first appearing on that person's Facebook page, but the way it is presented is just odd (There is also no indication that the person was contacted by anyone at this website).

Why not include an introductory paragraph providing context? Even something as simple as: here is a thought-provoking Facebook post that illustrates an important point about racism.

Anyway, I know that the point I am bringing up is not the most important thing in the world, but it is a major pet peeve of mine how these clickbait websites operate.

This is someone's Facebook post from over a year ago. The site does not provide any context, does not appear to have reached out to the Facebook poster, does not have any commentary, insights, or additional information. And it's a site filled with junk ads.

[pnwmom]

52. No, it doesn't. You added the comma and made it appear those words are on the same line.

Immediately below the line giving Kate full credit and linking to her Facebook page, there are three "tags" on three separate lines.

[oberliner]

56. Yes, it does

It lists Daily Byte as the writer under writer. It is listed in the same place where this website puts the name of the writer of the other articles on the site.

For example:

Writer
Sushant Talwar SUSHANT TALWAR @sushanttalwar

For the article in the OP it is listed:

Writer
DailyBite DAILYBITE

They do that for other articles as well, such as this one:

http://www.dailyo.in/politics/baba-ram-rahim-case-verdict-aaj-tak-live-tv-panchkula-rape-case/story/1/19167.html

Writer
DailyBite DAILYBITE

[brush]

29. What? Are you doubting the truth of the story?

What kind of bs question is: "Passing it off as reporting"?

[oberliner]

42. Of course not

I am annoyed by sites that take a FB post and make it seem like it is a news item from their website.

In this case, the post is over a year old.

This appears to be a means for this website to generate clicks for its ads with an old Facebook post.

If they had added some commentary or just summarized the post and added new information, then that would've been different. But they just copied the FB post from 2016.

[RandiFan1290]

34. Which part of the story upset you so much?

Didn't you post the right wing twitter rumor about the murder of Heather Heyer on this site?

[oberliner]

43. Websites that steal content to generate clicks for its advertisers

This is a Facebook post from 2016.

If this site wanted to add commentary on it and give a brief summary or an update, that would be one thing.

But they just copied this old Facebook post and re-printed it in a way that makes it look like an article from their site, which is filled with a lot of junk ads.

[kcr]

50. I agree with you

This is a cheap way to mine content, and I wouldn't be at all surprised that they don't get permission first. If these websites accept freelance work, they usually don't pay anything, with the reasoning that it's "exposure." They are bottom feeders.

[oberliner]

58. Thanks

And, like I said, it's not the biggest deal in the world - just a pet peeve of mine. And I see it more and more frequently these days.

[heaven05]

73. SO it was a year ago

and an OP like this is a "pet peeve". So what!!!!!!!!!! The point of the whole story is to show white racism, privilege and entitlement in it's full glory with an interracial family as the focus. The white kids not followed in stores, the black kids are and it's goddamn worse now if it was an old article, they follow everyone black even 69 year old AA's. I just look at the 'dicks' and smile. Also, is that type of family a "pet peeve" of yours, I question? To distract and try to take away from the content of the OP with a "pet peeve" of yours speaks volumes about how you see racism and it's damage to human beings, black and white. Truly obvious in intent.

[oberliner]

74. The pet peeve is sources that steal content

Not the content itself.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

38. Welcome to the internet! Sometimes a website has editors that look for viral posts and then

asks the original author if they're OK with the website running the post itself. That's what appears to have happened here. The website gets free content and the person who wrote it gets a boost.

[oberliner]

44. This Facebook post is from 2016

There is no evidence that the person who posted it on Facebook was contacted by this website.

Not sure how it's OK to just lift an entire post from an old Facebook post and run it in a way that makes it look like an article.

I guess this is the click bait world and we all just have to go with it.

[LanternWaste]

51. I enjoy the righteous exceptions you take to the smallest irrelevancy

I enjoy the righteous exceptions you take to the smallest irrelevancy, and then dig your heels in over that as though it actually mattered to anyone but you.

[oberliner]

55. Thank you

I am always glad to bring enjoyment to people.

[Solly Mack]

7. When I was a child, strangers would assume my mother was our nanny.

It didn't happen all the time but it happened enough. Too much. They would compliment us while looking around for our real mother and they would ask where our real mother was every now and then. You could tell by the looks on their faces that they couldn't believe we were her children. My mother was a stickler for her children being well groomed when out in public. And strangers were sometimes cruel and mean and bigoted.

My mom was darker than her children. A lot darker. We were all tow-heads, and light skinned like our father, one with blue eyes.

She took after her Cherokee father. Her mother was lily white.

Our neighbor's grandchildren would sometimes call us "white n-s". Their grandmother knew our family for a long time. I never liked those kids and after the first time, I stopped liking their grandmother. They were young, very young, and they were repeating what they had heard the adults around them say, I always thought.

My paternal side is multi-racial as well. My father took after his father - white skin and blue eyes.

My family comes in all skin hues and people can be idiots. Unforgivably ignorant. Undeniably cruel.

I wouldn't trade my childhood with anyone. I learned early and hard why racism is wrong and stupid and destructive.

[pnwmom]

13. Thanks for sharing your story, Solly Mack.

[Solly Mack]

19. We had to have the talk with my niece & nephew about the police and existing while black in America.

It breaks my heart just thinking about.

To have to warn a child, to shatter what should be their happy, carefree childhood, that way.

To keep them alive.

Nothing I went through compares to what they will go through.

And all because of the ignorance of others. Because of their hate and stupidity.

I'm glad you posted the essay. People need to get over themselves and attempt to understand the pain and suffering they are causing.

And for what? To feel better about themselves? To prop their own egos up?

[pnwmom]

21. Of course it breaks your heart.

And I'm sure it makes you angry, too. It's not fair and brown and black people shouldn't still be going through this in 2017, more than a half a century after the civil rights movement.

[DesertFlower]

23. i worked with a woman who was black, but you

would never know it. she was the same color as i am and she had blonde hair. she said her sister who lived in florida was light too and she would get dirty looks from people because her husband was black.

[Egnever]

8. Good post

This part of this conversation always gets me though.

Have you had to talk to your children about EXACTLY what to say and what not to say to an officer?

Have you had to tell your children that the objective of any encounter with the police, or security in any form, is to stay alive? It never occurred to me to have these conversations with my white children. In fact, it never occurred to me for myself either.

You bet I have. And it occurs to me every time I am pulled over. If you think only black people are killed by police you are kidding yourself and your children. If you don't teach your kids to be extremely careful around cops no matter what color you are you are foolish IMHO.

Of course I have had more than just speeding ticket encounters with cops over my years on this planet. When I was a kid there was a cop in one of the towns I lived in that would hassle me every time he saw me.

[pnwmom]

14. It is worse for the parents of black children, whether you realize it or not.

And a black man is never successful enough to be sure he's safe in an encounter with the police. A white professional man doesn't have much to worry about. A black physician in a suit is at risk.

If you think that the risk for white people and black people in encounters with police is the same, you are just plain wrong.

[Egnever]

17. Well good to know I will be less dead

[pnwmom]

22. Black people are 2.5 times more at risk of being killed by police. nt

[Egnever]

25. so I will be 2.5 times less dead

cool!

[pnwmom]

27. A black person is 2.5 more likely to be killed than you, but statistically

there is still a small chance. The vast majority of white people are not killed by the police, as you know.

[Egnever]

30. An interesting number that 2.5

where does that number come from?

And is that 2.5 by cop or in general?

Have you seen the database the WAPO has going?


https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/national/police-shootings-2017/


It is very interesting.

[pnwmom]

31. Are you aware that hundreds of millions of people live in the U.S.? n/t

[Egnever]

33. of course

Just curious where that 2.5 number comes from.

[pnwmom]

48. Actually, in recent years it's worse than that for black men now: 2.8.

This study was published in December 2016.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/20/health/black-men-killed-by-police/index.html

Black men are nearly three times as likely to be killed by legal intervention than white men, according to the study, which was published in the American Journal of Public Health on Tuesday. American Indians or Alaska Natives also are nearly three times as likely and Hispanic men are nearly twice as likely, the study suggests.

SNIP

Buehler analyzed national vital statistics and census data on legal intervention-related deaths, from 2010 to 2014, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's Wide-Ranging Online Data for Epidemiological Research (WONDER) database system, which includes county-level death certificates.

The data showed 2,285 legal intervention deaths for that time period.

While the data did not provide details on the circumstances surrounding the legal intervention deaths, Buehler said that they allowed for him to take a close look at how many deaths involved black, Hispanic and white males, 10 years or older.

He found that, although white men accounted for the largest number of deaths, the number of deaths per million in each demographic population were 2.8 times higher among black men and 1.7 times higher among Hispanic men, respectively.

[cwydro]

35. I hit a paywall when I tried to go to your link.

Can you summarize?

[Egnever]

57. Sure

It is a database they have put together of all the police shootings that result in death this year so far. Because many police departments don't report police shootings they cull from reports from news sources as well and then it is filterable by race or weapon involved or many other criteria it is pretty interesting.

It gets into many details such as was there body cam footage or was the person shot fleeing the scene and you can even combine filters.

So you could say see all the people that were shot fleeing the scene that had a knife in the state of California where there was body cam footage available and the victim was Hispanic.

Really interesting to see the difference in numbers when switching out different criteria.

[cwydro]

59. I figured it was something like that.

Thanks for the summary.

Frequently there is more to the story than meets the eye. I'll try to find the article.

[SunSeeker]

9. Ironic that those who claim there is no racism tend to be the most racist. nt

[thbobby]

15. I'm not prejudiced but ...

Kind of like someone saying "I'm not prejudiced but ..."

Whatever is said after that will be hateful bigotry.

Claiming there is no racism is at best stupid and likely is said by a hateful, evil person hiding their own sins. I do not say evil lightly. When one has to disown their behavior they might be evil.

[SunSeeker]

20. Exactly. nt

[treestar]

63. This is true

A lot of white people think it is all solved.

[dalton99a]

10. Kick

[lunamagica]

11. K&R Thanks for sharing, pnwmom

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

12. Thank you for this.

I think too many white people, and I'm one of them, simply don't get it.

I'm an older (now 69) white lady, gray hair and all. When I do get a traffic stop, maybe every other year or so, I ALWAYS get only a warning. I live in a state (New Mexico) where there is a strong culture of deference to the mothers and grandmothers. I am, of course, as polite and deferential as I am sure everyone is in such circumstances. I'm yet to be confronted with a cop willing to ticket mom or grandma. Lucky me. I am VERY aware of this age privilege. Back when my sons were teens (and I still had brown hair) I warned them that no matter how well they behaved, they'd get a ticket when I get just a warning. I feel sort of bad about my older lady privilege, but I just wish every one else got the benefit of the doubt that I get.

Perhaps more to the point, even when I cautioned my sons that they'd get a ticket when I'd get a warning, I never needed to warn them of more dire consequences. This is not a fair system. Everyone should experience what I do. No one should be dragged out of the car and thrown to the ground (or worse) in a supposedly routine traffic stop.

A minor aside: I saw the eclipse on Monday in Ravenna, NE. It was a wonderful experience. Everyone in the park where I and my friends watched it were happy and convivial. I'd baked chocolate chip cookies which I shared. Others shared watermelon, peaches, and pears. At one point an older white woman (about my age) and a younger African American woman were chatting with us, and the older woman introduced the younger one as her granddaughter. Yes! And I'm longing for the day when I can tell a story like this without feeling the need to name the races of the people involved.

[pnwmom]

16. Thanks for your story about the eclipse!

Glad you had that "wonderful experience."

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

32. My eclipse experience was incredible.

No one spoke of anything political. Well, at one point a woman hinted she wasn't fond of our President, and I heartily agreed, but overall it was a completely apolitical experience. Even the next day, when getting gas from my car and several of us at the gas station were chatting about the eclipse. Nothing political. It was fantastic.

[GeoWilliam750]

18. Thank you for posting

[stonecutter357]

24. K&R

[DesertFlower]

26. in 1970 i dated a black man. he took me to a

super bowl party. i was the only white person there. i said to him "i feel uncomfortable". he said "now you know how i feel every day". we used to get nasty looks from people. one actually said something to me when he was out of sight. said "i feel sorry for you attractive jewish girls who date n-----". i jumped all over him "said first of all i'm not jewish". then i said "how would you like this n----s drink in your face"? i was holding it for my boyfriend who went to the men's room. i was really upset. i was with a few other black men in a club. they had to calm me down.

[pnwmom]

28. I used to think things have improved since then, but now I doubt it has. n/t

[Hollywood2751]

36. I am a white woman married to a black man with 1 child

and my husband keeps saying he has to give our child a "heads up" about how he will be treated in America. I disagree. I do not want my child feeling "bad" about himself. In my eyes, he is just as smart, and productive, and worthy as any other child. I think that "informing" him about discrimination as a "warning" will only make him feel bad about himself, or get angry and/or depressed. Am I wrong?

[WhiskeyGrinder]

39. I would defer to your husband on this. He's lived the experience your child will have.

[Hollywood2751]

46. I guess I am just concerned about his self-esteem

and I don't want to "set him up" for esteem problems from the get-go. He is only six, won't teaching him about others being racist against him be troubling so early in his life? Wouldn't it be better to wait until he's older?

[WhiskeyGrinder]

54. Living in a racist society is tough on self-esteem, too.

He'll be dealing with racist people all his life. If he's six, he already has. You and your husband can inform him, in a matter-of-fact way, that there are shitty people in this world who will treat him poorly for a variety of reasons -- who he is, how he looks, what he wears, how he talks, where he comes from. Race is one of those factors. But again, talk with your husband about his experiences, what he knew at that age and what he wishes he knew.

[kwassa]

61. You can wait.

It depends a lot on the environment you live in.

Is he the only black boy around, or are there others? Is your area diverse?

I am a white man with a black wife and daughter, who is ten. We let our daughter ask the questions, and tell her whatever she wants to know, but not more than she wants to know. We live in the extremely diverse suburbs of DC, very multi-racial, very multi-cultural.

My wife is very sensitive, far more than I, about how the world treats black girls. I defer to her on this. I suggest you defer to your husband. The dynamic is more threatening to boys than girls, but there are separate issues for black girls, as well.

There has been so much about racism in the recent news that the subject can't be avoided. At the same time, we don't give our daughter more than she can handle. She is also at an age where she is becoming aware of larger world events.

[qwlauren35]

62. History repeats...

For several generations in my family, there have been sets of sisters of different shades. One light enough to be "puzzling" and one obviously "a person of color". It has just happened again, and the older, darker sister has figured it out. She is 3.

It is important to realize just how early in life our children learn about race, and begin to see that people of different colors are treated differently. To try to pretend that it's not real is ridiculous.

It will not hurt his self-esteem to teach him that there are ass-holes in the world who will not see what a great kid he is because they only see his color. Teach him that these people are wrong. But don't pretend the people don't exist. When he is with you, he is already getting weird stares. Are you pretending that it isn't happening? Please do not, because that will only confuse him. Let him talk about it, in his six year old voice. Help him make some sense of it.

It sounds like you want to be color-blind. No. No. No. That does not help your child. You have a brown child. A beautiful brown child. He will never, ever be white. He may be surrounded by love in his own home, but the minute he walks out of the house, from a distance, his height, sex and race are noted, long before anyone sees that he is a nice child. It's what nearly every American does. Height, sex, race. And only once we have categorized a person do we decide how to deal with them. We do it without thinking. Do I fear that person? Do I mate with that person? Do I embrace and welcome that person in kinship because they look like me? Do I avoid that person because they don't look like me? Could that person hurt me? Could I take them in a fight?

Do some reading, lots of reading. Read about how to raise black boys into men. Read about how other white mothers have raised their black sons. Absolutely do NOT be ignorant about what you've gotten yourself into. You are a white woman, married to a black man, with a black child. I *know* you've already been stared at. Even if you want to pretend it hasn't happened. If you're lucky, you haven't been called a ni**er lover. But there are probably people who have looked at you with that thought in their minds. Maybe you have chosen to dismiss it. That's something white people can get away with. After all, it doesn't happen when you are alone. You're still white. But your child is not white. Will never be white. Cannot pretend to be white. Will not be accepted as white. People will always, always, always see your child's color.

He's going to have questions. Just be ready to answer them. With love, and truth.

[pnwmom]

66. Thanks for sharing your story, qwlauren35.

Also, I could use your help responding to #64.

[malaise]

40. That's the absolute truth

Rec

[MineralMan]

45. We all need to hear these stories.

We all need to listen to them, too.

[GaryCnf]

53. Rec

Truth

Now if we can just stand up for THEM when/if they are gunned down by some cop instead or worrying about whether privileged white folks living in suburbia will turn on the Democratic Party for not "supporting the police."

#canyouhearmenow #BLM

[pnwmom]

65. This is not me. This is the testimony of a mother with both black and white children,

and who are you to dispute her truth?

[qwlauren35]

67. Oh well.

P, I'm curious. What crazy, ridiculous, probably has no idea what s/he's talking about nonsense did I miss?

[pnwmom]

68. It was a person with 3 posts.

I don't remember the exact words, but the gist was that the mother in the OP was wrong, and everything is just hunky-dory in diversity- USA.

And it started out by saying that first it was RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA, and now it's RACIST RACIST RACIST. That let me know who I was dealing with. Probably tipped off the jury, too.

[qwlauren35]

69. Wow.

Why would anyone like that come here? I mean, what's the point?

[pnwmom]

71. You call yourself "A person of color." Are you African American?

The experience of Latino Americans and Asian Americans or other non-black "persons of color" are different than those of African Americans.

[gopiscrap]

72. welcome to du