Some guy called and said my Windows was broken I told him I dont have a computer

[MattP]

He yelled at me and said i was lying, i blocked the number but I can't stand these scammers

[niyad]

1. my response, "but I use a mac"

[NewJeffCT]

9. I usually say that as well

when somebody calls to say that Windows has a virus or security hole or whatever they call about.

That said, I don't have a Mac, I just say that and hang up. (I've had really bad luck with Apple products over the years)

[safeinOhio]

13. Another good one to

after you tell them you are at your computer and it is turned on is, I don't have the internet. Get to waste some more time.

[Drahthaardogs]

40. Troll them. Pretend like you can't get the computer to boot

Then say "oh my God, it must be bad", keep it up then laugh and say you forgot to turn it on.

Just be stupid as hell. They will eventually get tired and hang up.

Great fun.

[niyad]

46. I don't have a mac anymore either. but the line works.

[NastyRiffraff]

30. I tell them something similar:

I have a Mac. I don't do Windows.

[fierywoman]

2. Lucky you to have only now received these calls.

I've been getting them for years (and I have Macs!) If I have time I play with them (innocent old lady card). We turn on my computer, he says to do such and such, I ask him how to do that, I waste a lot of his time being oh-so-nice, and at a certain point, exasperated, he asks, "Do you have a Mac?" Me: "But you said I had a Windows OS!" Sometimes I ask them if their mothers are proud of the work they do. Sometimes I ask about his Karma returning to him for the work he does. Everyone over here in Microsoftland (RedmondWA) knows that techies NEVER communicate by phone (God forbid) it's always by email.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

3. I prefer the calls from the IRS scammers

I just pretend to be a crazy right-wing lunatic who is ready to die for Freeeedumb, I get completely worked up, start making up bible verses and paranoid nonsense. They will try to threaten me for about ten minutes or so before just hanging up.

My girlfriend just goes straight for the disgusting and makes up some random disgusting fetish and tries to have phone sex with them, they hang up really, really quickly.

[MLAA]

35. If I were one of the scammers not sure if I'd be more afraid of you or your girlfriend! 😃

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

37. That depends how uncomfortable you would be if someone asked you to describe your last poop

in a suggestive tone of voice.

[MLAA]

38. LoL...I think I will go with whoever is behind door number 2!

[Shandris]

4. "OH yes sir, they're broken as F*! You must be the guy my landlord called! What did you say your..

...name and company was again? Oh, and I wouldn't mind getting some of them nice fold-in windows, they're SOOO much easier to clean! Can I like pay a small upcharge and get those instead? What, a computer? Oh no, sir, my husband isn't home and he's the one who computes everything around here, I'm terrible with numbers!"

God I love these people.

[Brother Buzz]

5. The same guy called me and I let him go through his whole script...

Are you near your computer?

Yes

Is it on?

yes

What's displayed?

Russian internet porn

Really?

yes, and it's really hot

Ummm, click

[NewJeffCT]

10. That's how Putin got Trump!

caught him with hot Russian internet porn.

[tymorial]

28. Lol. That actually made me laugh out loud.

[meow2u3]

6. I don't even bother to answer a number I don't recognize

Especially those numbers from somewhere I've never been. I assume those calls are scams.

If I do answer, I give those scammers a piece of my mind, hang up, and then block them.

[GoCubsGo]

21. Same here.

Except for the "pro life" organization that keeps calling me. I hit "talk" and then immediately hang up on them. Not sure how why they keep calling me. One of these days, I hope I'll be in the mood to answer and mess with them, even though I'm not very good at that sort of thing.

[lindysalsagal]

7. I figured out how to make them take me off the list: Pleasantly say: "Please hold"

and set the phone down, still on the line, and walk away. They'll try it about 6 times and eventually remove you from the list.

And it makes you happy to waste their time and their phone $$$.

[HAB911]

8. Sign up for NOMOROBO

Do not call list is useless

https://www.nomorobo.com/

(your line must have simultaneous ring capability)

[SeattleVet]

19. The Do Not Call registry does work...

I have not received a call from a *legitimate* telemarketer in several years.

Any calls that I still get are from scammers breaking the law, so I either ignore them or try to play with them for a while to keep them from scamming someone else.

NoMoRobo is great...I have it included with my Ooma service, which also includes both personal and community blacklists (if enough people block a number, they automatically add it to this list).

[HAB911]

44. It only works

to the extent the telemarketers abide by it. I'm sure it would be worse without it, but here in FL I find it doesn't protect very well.

I got a call in January from a local number and I was expecting a call so answered it. It was a computer, probably spoofing a local number, which then put a human on the line to tell me Obama was coming for all my guns. I started laughing and told the guy GF himself. Then reported the number to nomorobo.

[moonscape]

50. Nomorobo has been great! The only problem I had

was it was not letting legitimate international calls through. Disabling 'advanced robocall detection' solved that. The problem is now I won't be protected from scammy offshore calls, which I used to get.

[Ilsa]

11. Hubby gets them all the time...

He keeps them on the phone for ages before exposing that he knows their game and pissing them off.

[cwydro]

33. Dang, I wish I had that kind of spare time.

This thread amazes me that people have the kind of time to mess with these fools.

I hang up.

[jmg257]

12. Our company had called HP about a real issue with one of their PCs.

Scammer calling us said he was from HP and needed access to the machine.

Guys here gave it to him till they realized he was phishing.

Not good.

[mnhtnbb]

14. I always tell them to fu*k off because I have Linux.

[cwydro]

15. Weird he yelled at you.

He gives himself away with that. Not a very bright scammer.

[gratuitous]

16. "Could I have your full name, please?"

That will often end the call right there. If it doesn't, and they try some kind of pseudonym ("Sam Shepard" or something), I'll tee off on it: "Sam Shithead? What kind of name is that? Shithead? That's terrible!" "No, NO! I said Sam Shepard!" "Sam Shitpile? That's even worse. Look, when you figure out what the hell your name is, call me back. Until then, Sam Shitpile, we have nothing more to discuss."

[Bengus81]

17. That scam has been around for months and months...........

Watch a Carey Holzman vid on YT where he screws with one of those scam artists.

[Binkie The Clown]

18. I tell them I use LINUX.

Which, technically, is true. My laptop is Linux but my new desktop is still Windoze. I'll LINIXIFY it one of these days.

[Retrograde]

20. "Broken windows? I warned those kids

about playing ball too close to the house. You just send me a check - $100 should cover it -" <click>

[sarcasmo]

22. Chromebook no Windows, they hang up.

[emulatorloo]

23. I told him he was a thief trying to get my credit card number. I told him he was stealing from

old people and that was immoral.

[mreilly]

24. I hate those fuckers with the fiery heat of a thousand suns

.... I guess I should stop short of wishing death upon them, but I also have to wonder what they actually contribute of value to this earth.

[gratuitous]

32. I wonder why Congress isn't doing anything about this?

Millions of citizens across the country are having their time wasted (at best) or being scammed out of millions of dollars (at worst). I realize it would require new (shudder) regulations, but it seems to me this shit could be interdicted or stopped entirely if Congress had the will to do it.

[samnsara]

25. my 85 yr old mom gets phone cals saying her microsoft windows is outdated...

..thank gawd she just hangs up on them...

[TlalocW]

26. I Google unfamiliar numbers when the call comes through. If I'm fast enough

I will answer the phone offering them the same scam they were going to offer me. Last time it was the Windows scam.

Me: Hello, this is TlalocW with Microsoft. Our system shows that your computer is infected with a virus, and we need to take care of this issue right away. Let me know when you're at your computer, and we'll begin.

*10 seconds of silence as the English-Is-Not-My-Native-Tongue scammer processes what's happening."

Them: Uh, thank you. Good-bye.

Just for a lark, I decided to see if the number that came through was spoofed or a real one and dialed them back. It was real, and the direct line of the person who had called me so I more insistently demanded that we needed to do something about the virus on her computer.

It took my calling her three times before they finally blocked me.

TlalocW

[jmowreader]

27. "My Windows is broken? Oh my...I guess you'll have to fix it, then."

"But our corporate policy forbids remote access to our mission-critical computer systems. You will have to access our systems from inside our building. Our address is 100 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, California. Just go in there and tell the receptionist why you're there. They'll take you right where you need to go."

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

29. I got one of those calls awhile back, and I had a lot of fun

messing with the caller. The phone rang and I made the mistake of picking it up because I was expecting a call, but there's this guy with a heavy Indian accent who tells my they have detected a problem with my Windows and they are calling to help me. Instead of hanging up I decided to have a little fun. It went about like this:

Me: "I don't understand why you are calling me about my windows. I just got new windows."

Scammer: "We are calling because there is a problem with your windows on your computer."

Me: "Which computer? I have three of them."

(long pause)

Scammer: (repeats) "You have a problem with the windows on your computer."

Me: "I have three of them, so which one? And anyhow, if there was a problem with my computers and my windows, that would be handled by Comcast because they manage my security system. They are hooked up to my windows."

Scammer: "There is a problem with the windows operating system on your computer."

Me: "But Comcast should handle that. There's nothing wrong with my windows."

Scammer: "There is a problem with the windows operating system on your computer."

Me: "But which computer? I have three computers."

Scammer: "Any of them. You need to turn on one of your computers."

Me: "OK, but I still don't understand what this has to do with my windows."

Scammer: "I will transfer you now to a supervisor."

(pause)

Scammer 2: "Hello, how are you today?"

Me: "Fine, but I still don't understand why there is a problem with my windows and my computers. Comcast handles my security system and they connect my windows to my computer."

Scammer 2: "There is a problem with the windows on your computer. Comcast is your internet service provider."

Me: "I keep trying to tell you, my computer doesn't have anything to do with my windows. My windows are fine, and Comcast handles the connection between my computer and my windows."

Scammer 2: "No, ma'am, it's your windows operating system. There is a problem with the windows operating system on your computer."

Me: "I'm still confused."

Scammer 2 (starting to sound exasperated): "You have a windows computer!"

Me: "No, I have an Apple computer."

Scammer 2: *click*

[Cal Carpenter]

49. Yeah, I do the "which computer?" thing when I get those calls

I own a very small business. I have a desktop in the back and 2 little 'mini' computers for the cash registers. We also have a laptop for the business for when we need to work from home or something. They all run on windows. So I always play dumb and ask "which computer?" until they give up.

Except for sometimes when I just hang up on them cuz I'm not in the mood.

Assholes.

[steve2470]

31. I've never gotten one of these calls, I feel so deprived :/

Kidding, of course. Not sure what I'd do.

[KentuckyWoman]

34. Oh I had good fun with one of them one time.

Kept him on the phone for good 10 min.


"Honey, this here feller says thairs a problum wit hour weeenders. Did ewe call this here feller about them weeenders we wuz fightin' wit?"


"Yayass sir we got some weeender problums. When ewe gone com fix deez weeenders?"



It went downhill from there. That poor poor man..... eventually he hung up thinking I'm too stupid to work a computer.

At some point he told me to wiggle the mouse to get the screen to come up and I was all sorts of offended he'd accuse me of having a mouse in my weeenders. This family is clean.

[MurrayDelph]

36. Before I tightened the security on my phone line

(CenturyLink has a free option that requires someone to Press 1 to continue, after being told that we don't take solicitations)

we used to get a call six times a week.

For a while we would mess with them:


them: "I calling for windows support"
me: "Me. Windows support? My rate is $55/hour, two hour minimum. I take all major credit cards. What's your card number?"
them: <generic cussing>

or

them: "We've traced the problem back to a computer at this address."
me: "Which computer?
them: "Any computer."
me: "Which IP address"
them: "Excuse me?"
me: "Which computer is causing the problem. You say you tracked the problem back to my computer, but we have three of them in the house. If you can't tell me how you tracked it back, why should I trust you?"

or

them: "I'm calling from Computer Support."
me: "Really? ... So, whatcha wearin'?"
them: "... No, you don't understand. I'm calling about a problem with your Windows Compter."
me: "No, you don't understand; my computer's fine. I'm giving you a chance to earn some money honestly. What're you wearing?"
them: "....<click>"

but the most-common of them was:

me: Do your parents know what you do for a living? Do you think they would be proud to know you spend your days trying to swindle money from elderly people in America? You should try to find a job that doesn't bring dishonor to your family! <click>


Now, I also have a part-time residence (with full-time housesitters) in Los Angeles, but they don't use the landline. I don't think I have ever received the Windows scam there. What I usually get there are calls from telemarketers who represent contractors.

them: Hi, Mr. Delph! How are you today?
me: OK ... what's this regarding?
them: I'm calling from Jiffy fixit! Remember we called you a few months ago and you said that you didn't have any work for us then, but that we should call you back.
me: You're lying. We've never spoken before.
them: No, we did.
me: Me, no. a) I don't need any work, b) We're on the Do Not Call List, which you've violated despite your pretense, and c) You could be the best fixit company in the world, but I'm not going to do business with someone who lies to me from word one. Good-bye!

[MLAA]

39. Ding ding ding...we have a winner

I can't wait to use this one.

Do your parents know what you do for a living? Do you think they would be proud to know you spend your days trying to swindle money from elderly people in America? You should try to find a job that doesn't bring dishonor to your family! <click>

[csziggy]

41. I just use the whistle I inherited

From the great aunt who was a phys ed instructor. I pretend I can't hear and talk really softly, then I blow the whistle as loud as possible until they hang up. The last guy kept screaming "FUCK!" Over and over and over.

[MurrayDelph]

42. Ah, the old Acme Thunderer

The greatest whistle ever made.

I wish I still had the one from my drum major days.

[csziggy]

47. No, this is a hand carved wooden whistle she made

But it will blow out an ear drum when used effectively!

[eppur_se_muova]

43. I've been threatened with eviction because my sublease is invalid.

Turns out the originall lessor wasn't paying the rent. So if would just make things right by sending ...

Oh, wait, I don't lease, sublease, or rent anything. My parents paid off this house years ago.

[RobinA]

45. I Keep Getting

a call on my cell from someone purporting to be responding to my inquiry about health insurance. Now, the one thing I have in this life is Cadillac health insurance because I have a union job. I have absolutely no reason to ask about any health insurance. The woman, and it's always the same one, will not let me talk. She just continues with her spiel, talking over me without taking a breath. I tried to tell her that I am in no need of health insurance, hoping she will decide her time is better spent, but she goes on. I now hang up on her. The thing that gets me, though, is that if she's trying to sell me something, shouldn't she be listening to me and adjust her script accordingly? How does she know she couldn't sell something if she were able to tease out some area where I am not covered? I'm not sure I get the strategy.

[csziggy]

48. I think I talked to the same woman!

I yelled at her "SHUT UP!" And told her to take my name off her list. She hung up before I could finish my sentence. I called back the number she called from and there was her voice with a message that she and mom were out. So I left a message telling her if she ever called me again I would pursue charges of harassment - that's how much she pissed me off. It worked - she never called again.

[MontanaMama]

51. My 12 year old son

is a freaking MASTER at dealing with these scam artists. He keeps them on the phone forever and wastes as much of their time as possible. I just roll with laughter when he works them over.

[Best_man23]

52. I told them I'm running DOS

Told one of them I was still running off floppy discs.