13 Ways Donald Trump Is Worse Than Fire Ants by Susan Bankston (aka JuanitaJean)

[TexasTowelie]

It’s harder than Chinese algebra to keep up with this president. Every day there’s a new scandal, and the old scandals keep getting worse. Last month, we slowly found out that Donald Junior’s Russian meeting had more attendees than Trump’s inauguration. And it had more Russians than Dr. Zhivago, with the Brothers Karamazov on the waiting list.

The way it’s turning out is that Trump colluded with Russia to find out that Hillary Clinton did not collude with Russia. Trump’s defense of his wrongdoings went from “fake news” to “I don’t recall” to “we did it and you can kiss our asses.”

In other new developments, Trump wants the wall between Mexico and the U.S. to be transparent, as in “see-through.” Here’s why: according to Trump, who visited the border for a few hours one damn time, drug dealers often toss 60-pound sacks of drugs over the wall. If you can’t see those Mexicans on the other side, you might get smacked in the head with a 60-pound sack of drugs. I am not making this up. You can look it up on the Google machine. Trump really said that.

Personally, I think it’s a conspiracy. I think somebody—and I’m not saying it was you— neglected to tell Trump about the annual Wag Your Winkie Day at the Rio Grande River, which is a Mexican national holiday. Or maybe they did tell him, and he’s just genuinely excited about it.

Read more: http://www.outsmartmagazine.com/2017/08/susan-bankston-13-ways-donald-trump-is-worse-than-fire-ants/

A small sample of the list:

• Fire ants would never wear a red baseball cap with a damn suit.

• Fire ants don’t have children. They leave that all that up to their queen. Did you hear that, Trump?

• According to ancient ant custom, fire ants rarely have a Twitter account.

• Fire ants build mounds, not walls. You can walk around mounds. Hell, you can skip around them while singing “El Sombrero Mexicano es Mejor Que El Pequeño Sombrero Rojo.”

[Brother Buzz]

1. I'm convinced....

Juanita Jean and TheFerret were an item in a previous life.

For those few DUers who aren't familiar with Juanita Jean, here's her bio:

JUANITA JEAN HEROWNSELF – Juanita is owner of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., Fort Bend’s only professional political organization. Her main qualification to comment on Texas politics is that she owns pink cowboy boots. Not just one pair, but several. Most likely, you don’t.

Through diligent research, it has been discovered that Juanita is the daughter of Judge Clyve T. “ByGawd” Bell and his bride, the lovely and talented Lillie Jean Bell, who was known in a four county area for her unique ability to lasso while singing opera.

Juanita graduated from Elite Beauty School in Del Rio, Texas, (whose motto is: We never heard of you either) first in her class, and after a brief stint with the Buck Pochek Professional Waterskiing and Ring-O’-Fire Extravaganza, she settled down in Richmond. Her first husband, Bubba Hank, died in a semi-tragic Nascar pit stop accident. Juanita has found no good reason to remarry.

[TexasTowelie]

4. LOL!

I'd love to share the dining table if Juanita Jean and The Ferret get together for a meal, but I don't know if I could stop laughing long enough to participate in the conversation in any meaningful way.

[lunatica]

6. "...husband, Bubba Hank, died in a semi-tragic Nascar pit stop accident."

[Brother Buzz]

7. Attending Buck Pochek's Professional Waterskiing and Ring-O-Fire Extravaganza....

is on my bucket list, for sure!

[LeftInTX]

2. Fire ants any day over Republicans

I would gladly stick a bare foot in a mound every single day to turn Texas blue.

[BSdetect]

3. Some hilarious comments.

[sandensea]

5. A fire ant bite stings and itches; but can be taken care of with some calomine

If Cheeto succeeds in taking away your health insurance, that might just kill you.

[Gothmog]

8. I love Juanita Jean

She is a Texas treasure

[Brother Buzz]

9. Juanita Jean was on a tear during the DeLay years

It was personal, and she delivered the dirt on DeLay relentlessly.

[Gothmog]

10. She made most of his trial and was at DeLay's sentencing

[Brother Buzz]

11. She was my go to for the inside story every time he did some bombastic

She had all the skinny and, well, she told us in a hilariously entertaining fashion. Comedy gold during a dark period

[burrowowl]

12. Thanks for link!!!!!!

[TexasTowelie]

13. You're welcome.

I thought the article was humorous.

[ProudLib72]

14. I fell into a fire ant mound when I was little

This was when I still lived in Arlington, TX. I was four or five years old. My cousin was launching Estes rockets in some big open field. I was watching where the rockets went, not where I was going. I tripped and planted a knee into a fire ant mound. I swear I still have scars. Maybe they really aren't from the ants, but on that day the pain sure as hell felt like it warranted some everlasting scars.

Maybe we can bury tRump up to his neck in a big open field in Arlington, TX, smear his face with jam, and invite the fire ants over for dinner?