I keep confusing Ayn Rand and Jesus. Its not cool, I know, but cut me some slack.
AUGUST 2, 2017
I KEEP CONFUSING AYN RAND AND JESUS
MICHAEL HARE
I keep confusing Ayn Rand and Jesus. It’s not cool, I know, but cut me some slack. “Judge not,” as I think Ayn Rand once said.
Being a Republican is tough. Every day, you’ve got to dress up like you work at a Brooks Brothers, check in with the rich guy who tells you what indefensible position you need to defend, then decide what excuse to use to defend it. Jesus did basically the same thing, I think, which is how Christianity got so big. His donors saw how hard he was working for them and were like, “Let’s get this dude an ad buy.”
There are like four things you can say to defend any position on anything. Two of these things are “Jesus” and “Ayn Rand.” “Liberty” is another. “Liberty” is a code word that means less taxes and more guns. Another thing to say is “the United States Constitution.” That really shuts people up. And it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand the Constitution, because no one does.
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As I was just exclaiming, Jesus and/or Ayn/Ann Rand, things are crazy lately! First we hated Trump. Now we love him. We love him but pretend we don’t read his tweets. And he pays no attention to us. Every day, we work our asses off trying to come up with things to say to defend all these horrible decisions and policies and bills. We’re like, “I think Jesus would be mellow with us stealing health care from the poor so we can give more money to billionaires, or maybe Ayn/Ann Rand would. Also, liberty. Also, the Constitution.” And then Trump runs his mouth and ruins everything.
But who knows? Maybe I’m the only one who’s confused. And maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on Trump. If I remember correctly, like Trump, Jesus was always doing wild, psychopathic shit. That’s why people loved him and how America got invented.
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-keep-confusing-ayn-rand-and-jesus
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