Leaking Sure Is Cool, Huh, Guys? Says Disguised John Kelly To White House Aides

[smirkymonkey]

WASHINGTON—Straightening his synthetic wig before casually approaching a nearby lunch table, a disguised Chief of Staff John Kelly reportedly set down his tray, pulled over a chair, and said “Leaking sure is cool, huh, guys?” to a group of White House aides dining in the West Wing commissary Tuesday. “Anybody else just love leaking information to the press, or have any fun leaking stories they want to tell? It’s totally cool if you do; everybody’s doing it,” said Kelly, who then asked the group what their “absolute favorite things to leak” were before taking a bite of his sandwich and intently observing the staffers’ reactions from behind his prop glasses. “I was thinking about getting a group together to hang out and do some leaking this afternoon. How about it? Who’s game for a couple of brewskies and calling the New York Times to share confidential information about the president on condition of anonymity? I’m buying!” As of press time, more than half a dozen newspapers had printed accounts from unnamed White House sources alleging that Kelly was already succumbing to the pressures of overseeing the Trump administration and likely wouldn’t last much longer in his role.