My Name Is Mitch McConnell and I Owe Thanatos, God of Death, 22 Million Souls
Dear America,
My name is Mitch McConnell and I am the Majority Leader of the United States Senate. As you may have heard, the health care bill I secretly drafted would result in 22 million Americans losing their health care coverage. I understand your frustration with the bill, but you also have to understand my side of things. I’m in a serious bind here. I owe Thanatos, the God of Death, exactly 22 million human souls and he’s come to collect.
My relationship with the God of Death began as these things typically do: I met him at a Republican donor event. We bonded over our mutual love of back deals and being drunk with power. Before I knew it, I had agreed to trade 22 million human lives in exchange for a sizable donation to several GOPcongressional candidates. I made a terrible deal from which I cannot be unbound.
Ah, jeeze. You’ve really done it this time, Mitchy. If this were one or two lives that I owed to the God of Death, I could close out my tab the old-fashioned way: by murdering a couple of my summer interns. But, this is 22 million lives we’re talking about. That’s a sizable portion of the country, so the only way I’m going to kill that many people is through cruel, heartless, and targeted legislation.
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https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/my-name-is-mitch-mcconnell-and-i-owe-thanatos-the-god-of-death-22-million-human-souls
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