Someone calling a woman over and complimenting her smile may or may not be inherently creepy per se.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

However, having someone who has gone on audible record as saying things like "I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married" or "I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait" or "Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything."....

....that is definitely creepy.

It's all about the context:

Link to tweet

[DK504]

1. He is a sexual predator plain and simple.

Telling a woman their smile is pretty or the 'you would be prettier if you smiled' line is intrusive and menacing. Someone that does that...isn't interested in you, they are demeaning you and trying to make you feel like you are less if you don't do what they think is appropriate.

[Arkansas Granny]

12. I would have found that very unsettling if it had happened to me.

[SweetieD]

2. I think it is creepy per se. Only creepy old men would do something like that.

[Madam45for2923]

18. Yep! can anyone imagine Pres. Obama doing that? Talking like that?

[HipChick]

3. It's creepy...as woman in a corporate environement..

I would find it downright upsetting..It's demeaning, would you do that to a man?

[TeapotInATempest]

4. Sorry, but it is inherently creepy

[underpants]

5. Yeah she kind of looks like someone

I'm not saying I'm just saying

[TeapotInATempest]

8. Yeah, there's that too

He is seriously disturbed.

[NCTraveler]

10. Wow. nt.

[whathehell]

40. Oh, please-- You can't even see enough of her face to make a comparison

Enough with the smarmy incest fantasies.

[niyad]

45. actually, when she turns around. you can.

[octoberlib]

6. Wasn't he on a call with a foreign leader?

Last edited Wed Jun 28, 2017, 01:22 PM - Edit history (1)

Not only is this unprofessional but as a woman, I found it creepy as hell.

[smirkymonkey]

42. Yes! The newly elected GAY Irish Prime Minister. Which makes it doubly inappropriate.

"She has a nice smile on her face so I bet she treats you well." Seriously? He says that on a congratulatory call to the new PM?

He is the biggest ass on the planet!

[octoberlib]

50. Agreed. I bet he sexually harasses every woman in his orbit.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

7. "Someone calling a woman over and complimenting her smile isn't inherently creepy per se."

Says the guy.

[tblue37]

47. When someone in power does that when the woman is a professional doing her job, it IS

inherently creepy. It is a dominance display that reduces the woman to the role of sex object.

[delisen]

9. In a business context not creepy if he said the same to men

Picture Trump calling over a male reporter and telling him he has a nice smile.

[Corvo Bianco]

31. Right, flirty approval is pretty commonplace between men and women, even in professional

environments. Most normal human beings try to be nice and express approval of our colleagues. Laugh at their jokes, support their ideas, compliment their new skirt (I'm a woman and that is perfectly appropriate to me).

But many men express their approval of their female cohorts by saying, with words or with glances, "I am man. You are woman. I like." It is as if these men believe she walked out the door waiting to bask his approval of her woman-ness. OR, her womanity is the only attribute he deems useful to him, thus the only attribute he notices.

But being liked for being a woman (nice smile), and nothing else, denies the value of her intellect, her worries, her joys, her humanity. When I was confiding in a male friend about the sickening, belittling experience of being asked how much I cost, he agreed it was horrible, then consoled me by saying "that's a compliment it means you're pretty". Being an object isn't a compliment. Knowing your thoughts don't mean very much means your words don't mean very much which means you have no power. That's scary, not exciting.

I know women and men (or any potential sexmates) can't help flirting with each other at times. It is a damn natural way to confess that someone is delighting you. And it feels good for both parties if the footing is equal, the will is good, and the feeling is more or less mutual. The problem is that flirting from a position of power isn't flirting, it's not flattering, it's legitimately threatening because the only way out is a confrontation that will injure his pride and cost you your job. So there's no way out.

Scary, don't flirt with your subordinates! (Message for the world)

[niyad]

46. excellent.

and welcome to du.

[KT2000]

51. well said n/t

[pirateshipdude]

11. She is a professional doing a job. It is wrong. Eom

[Kali]

13. I disagree.

it is creepy as fuck, no matter who it is. now you might be more tolerant of it from grampa, or some old family friend that you tend to let slide for various reasons, but in a professional setting?

creepy. as. fuck.

totally inappropriate.

[NewJeffCT]

14. I think calling her over makes it extra creepy

she's singled out and brought forward before him in front of the other reporters.

[Achilleaze]

15. Public disrespect for his "wife" Melania

What woman wants to see her husband publicly drooling over other women on international broadcast news? It's humiliating. It's degrading. And only a cad* would do something like to embarass his wife and the mother of one of his children. These are not my kind of American "family values." We were taught to respect our life partners.

* republican Draft-Dodger-in-Chief, Comrade Casino

[narnian60]

54. +1

[WhiskeyGrinder]

16. Saying this is creepy only because we have a recording of other terrible things he has said is

laughable and, frankly, insulting. This behavior isn't gross because it's Donald Trump. It's gross because it's gross, and it happens to women every damn day. This is a feature of the society we live in, not a bug.

[TeapotInATempest]

22. Thank you!

[Madam45for2923]

17. Imagine Pres. Obama doing that! As a woman I know what he meant and can see/feel the sleaziness

oozing from Donald.

This was most inappropriate and creepy.

[Blaukraut]

19. Not creepy but inappropriate in a professional setting n/t

[m-lekktor]

20. Um no , there is no question that it is smarmy/creepy even if it is complementary.

no matter the reputation of the person doing it. making a spectacle of calling a woman over to comment on her looks? geesh there is no question...

I just left a facebook page of deplorables sticking up for this creepy shit and calling people who call this out "snowflakes"

[whathehell]

33. Um, yes, there CAN be a question because

if we can all agree that the action was inappropriate, it's rise to the level of "creepy" is a matter of subjective opinion, not objective fact.

[TeapotInATempest]

58. Isn't "creepy" always a matter of subjective opinion?

I mean, how would you quantify it as objective fact? It doesn't mean it's not, in fact, creepy as hell.

[whathehell]

61. Yes, and that's why it's always up for question..

Your made my point for me. Thanks.

[TeapotInATempest]

62. Based on a lifetime of experience

sometimes it's like pornography: you know it when you see it.

[whathehell]

63. Based on my lifetime of experience (67 years)

I find many disagree on what they "know" by what they see. Buh bye now.

[Solly Mack]

21. Nah. It's skeezy.

Don't do it. Just don't do it.

[Squinch]

23. He singled out a woman who was in a professional situation with other members of

her profession. He required her to walk away from the rest of the professionals, and she was not really free to decline. Then he commented on her appearance after she had been, essentially, culled from the herd. The sole purpose of the whole exchange was to remove her professionalism and reduce her to an object for inspection.

I get it that if it has never happened to you it may not seem creepy, but consider that it would be inconceivable that the same thing would be done to a man in the same situation. And imagine how icky it would be if it were done to a man. It's just that icky when done to a woman.

It is creepy per se. It's very, very creepy in and of itself.

[pirateshipdude]

30. "essentially, culled from the herd.""reduce her to an object for inspection."

Excellent post.

[Corvo Bianco]

34. It is comforting to know so many of you DUers aren't OK with singling out women for public oggling.

Thank you!

[Squinch]

39. Welcome!

[CozyMystery]

53. I totally agree with you. He culled her to demean her. nt

[Iggo]

24. I saw a young woman who was working at Starbucks this morning.

I thought, "That's the prettiest girl I've seen in a long time!"

After I left, I commented exactly that to the person who was with me.

No harm no foul. (I do remember I did say "girl", and I'm working on that. I'm just not great at it yet.)

But if I'd called her over to me just so I could tell her that, that would have been not only inherently creepy but downright explicitly creepy.

[Squinch]

25. And if you called her over while others were watching and she had no ability to

decline the summons, and was then standing alone and the object of inspection by everyone else in the room because of your summons, then it would have been creepy.

Thinking it, or even saying it in a respectful way is not creepy.

[Iggo]

28. As far as I'm concerned, there's no way to do that respectfully while she's at work.

I save my "Gee, yer purdy" comments for social situations...lol.

[Squinch]

32. I was in a lot of service jobs getting through college. There were some regular customers who

would say things like, "Your smile is my favorite part of my morning." It would be an exchange between two people without any audience.

I actually thought that was really nice, actually.

ETA: I'm thinking about it and here's an observation: If an old lady had said the same thing to me, it would have been equally nice. I am thinking the "creepy" litmus test is: could you imagine your grandmother saying it?

I've solved the problem of how can a guy tell if it's creepy!

[Iggo]

35. LOL...I get ya.

All I can really say is, the older I get, the creepier it feels. That's about the only test I have.

I'm 55 (and hetero male, if that wasn't obvious.)

[Squinch]

37. And that is really interesting, too. I am a woman of the same age.

I was once a very cute little thing. Now I'm not turning any heads, which in general is preferable contrary to popular belief.

But for me, with the fading of my looks, comments like that have become much less creepy and much more welcomed because I can be confident that they are responding to the fact that something about my humanity has struck a chord with them. I can be confident that it is no longer something about "the package" that I am presenting.

[HopeAgain]

26. It's disrespectful and unprofessional - that's more important than being creepy

There is no license to single out a woman, who is a legitimate reporter, differently than any other reporter in the gaggle. That IS sexism, even if the comments are nice, especially when you bring in physical appearance.

It's a subtle way that men keep women at a different level (and I am a man). It's implying that they have to be professional AND beautiful.

[leftstreet]

27. He made her an object for appraisal

I'm surprised he didn't ask her to complete the talent competition

Godz he's gross

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

29. It's always creepy. The level of creepiness may depend on

the circumstances and the perpetrator but it's always creepy. It's really uncomfortable when some guy you don't know or barely know, whether president or janitor, calls you to him and compliments you on your appearance (or, equally obnoxious, tells you to smile), especially in, but not limited to, the workplace. Women understand this. Men don't seem to get it.

[Voltaire2]

36. Nah it is a classically creepy act. A trope of piggery.

[mnhtnbb]

38. Trump is a narcissistic sack of $hit. He can't even give his full attention to the phone call.

How rude is that to the person on the other end?

It's all about Trump in front of the cameras and doing whatever he wants to do, including something entirely
inappropriate to call out a woman reporter from the gaggle and objectify her with some sleazy comment
about her looks.

Too bad she didn't kick him in the balls on camera. I'm waiting for someone to do that some day. Yes, Secret Service
on you in a minute and a ride to the local jail. But think about how gratifying it would be to give him just a touch of what
he's owed.

I cannot wait for him to be removed from office or resign. The guy is a $hitstain on the Oval Office, befouling the entire country.

[smirkymonkey]

43. I get the feeling that Trump had to flaunt his "masculinity" in front of the new Irish PM who

also happens to be gay. He's also a perv who does things like that naturally, but I get the feeling that little "show" was somehow for his hyper-masculine supporters, just so nobody could accuse him of dialing up a gay world leader because he might have a thing for him.

I know that's completely ridiculous, but that is how people like Trump and other men like him think.

[SweetieD]

49. I didn't think of that. You are probably right. Nt.

[TeapotInATempest]

59. I hadn't thought of that, either

He was trying to dominate both the reporter AND the PM. I can imagine the PM was uncomfortable, as well.

[smirkymonkey]

60. He's all about domination, whether it's a man or a woman. This way, he got himself

a "twofer". He's just such a dick!

I can't wait to see what kind of stunt he tries to pull with Macron when he goes to Paris in two weeks. Nobody holds a grudge like Trump and you just know he's waiting for a chance to humiliate Macron in front of the world.

I think Macron will be expecting it though and has already planned a way to turn the tables on Trump.

[niyad]

44. he is disgusting. and, as others have pointed out, that reporter is almost an ivanka clone.

[Luz]

48. What a creep. Ive worked with/for men like him. Back in

Last edited Wed Jun 28, 2017, 05:11 PM - Edit history (1)

the 70's there wasn't much I could do about it.

I'm surprised he didn't slap her ass and ordrer her to fetch coffee.

Surly that would impress the impressionable of how rich, powerful and manly he is. While he's on the phone to Ireland's openly gay politician. A homophobic dig to boot? More cheers a4nd applause for him.

[Miles Archer]

52. It's one of those "consider the source" moments.

The Access Hollywood tape, the musing over the fact that if Ivanka weren't his daughter he'd be "dating" her.

I have to wonder what would have happened if President Obama had "summoned" this woman over for the same comments.

My guess is calls from the right for impeachment.

[Ms. Toad]

55. No. It is creepy per se in anything other than a casual setting with people you know well,

and even then it can still be creepy.

Imagine any man, doing his work, being called over to receive a comment about his body.

It is how our society objectifies women as part of the rape culture we live in . . . in fact, that was pretty darn close to the first overture the person who raped me made toward me.

We perpetuate it (and make it harder to arm our daughters to protect themselves) when we pretend it is innocent (and get outraged at women who dare point out that it is not.

[geek tragedy]

56. creepy per se, reminiscent of "you got nice teeth" nt

[Orrex]

57. Sorry, but it sounds creepy all by itself

It rings unmistakably of presumed ownership, as though the creeper is imagining that he's summoning a stripper for inspection.

If he'd called her over and said "That's a nice iPhone" or "I've always admired your sharp prose," that would be one thing. But to draw her close simply to ogle her is just plain creepy.

Add to that his lifetime of even creepier behaviors, and it's outright disgusting.