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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOf course-! I'd be honored to plan & prepare Trump's Birthday Dinner.
We know what "the president" likes. We don't even have to ask him what he likes, because the entire world knows- the minute it occurs to him. Bearing that in mind, I suggest we begin with
APPETIZERS: The Two Lil-Fisted Dougnut
The meat inside the doughnut must be very well-done. Everyone will be served one, except our king-of-the-day, who gets TWO. Because, birthday.
SALAD: WATERGATE Salad (with cream cheese)
A taste of the South for that king of NYC. Bursting with marshmallows, pudding and CoolWhip? It's a salad. Believe me. It's tremendous.
SOUP: PRIMORDIAL (exactly the way our B-Boy wants it)
ENTREE: "ROMAN ORGY meat construction" (not pictured)
Krill baked inside salmon baked inside duck baked inside chicken baked inside turkey baked inside a pig baked inside a cow. Deep-fried afterward, the whole thing. It's like eating so many animals at once, which is something Trump would really enjoy.
DESSERT: The BEAUTIFULLEST Piece of Chocolate Cake and THREE scoops of Ice Cream!
The "president" will be served Two Pieces, of course. Everyone else gets only half a slice because they're not the President of The United States. Everyone there will eat it with Ketchup dip, which is Trump's favorite food.
I'm speechless at being asked to prepare this most special of meals for our very special president. Honored.
I will do my personal best to make it a real winner.
And thank you.
msongs
(67,453 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)the concentrated grease-oil-fat content of his average day in food, how big a container would it need? Maybe only 2 cups. That's a wild guess.
volstork
(5,403 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)So good, you could eat half the bag and not even notice.
Thanks for posting the picture. I couldn't get it to copy properly...
cloudbase
(5,525 posts)Nothin' but the best.
Ilsa
(61,698 posts)Can't stop laughing about that.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Look at us- We love you, Damien. It's All for You!
Nothing but the best.
eleny
(46,166 posts)It's an old joke.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)eleny
(46,166 posts)It's from an old Jackie Gleason tv show skit. I think Trump would remember it fondly. Let's send him some.
klook
(12,170 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)I love it. Everything in there is smothered with ketchup, floating in gelatin molds, or all smothered with "gravy". Grey gravy.
klook
(12,170 posts)Nice to find a kindred spirit... what are your other 9 favorite sites?!
This is one that always kills me:
"When decorating your meal, make sure to arrange the onions in the shape of Peter Lorre's face. It's steak a la Ugarte!
Garnish with small, inedible onions. WARNING! The carrots here are not to be eaten. Vegetables are for commies."
There's another one I can't find at the moment, where the recipe calls for five grains of black pepper (presumably the microscopic kind that comes in the little paper packets at the cafeteria), and Lileks says "Whoa! Somebody call the fire department!"
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,448 posts)deurbano
(2,896 posts)FailureToCommunicate
(14,023 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)OH. Yes, TWO slices for the birthday boy.
LuckyLib
(6,820 posts)Ilsa
(61,698 posts)Donut-burger.
And leave the walnuts out of the watergate salad. We don't want him getting cramps from extra fiber.
I think he needs some deviled eggs for an appetizer.
bravo!
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)"We don't want him getting cramps from extra fiber" Thank you for that. For all we know, he could be allergic to walnuts, and what a shame that would be.
Aristus
(66,467 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)it should have come with a warning.
Here's a nice palate cleanser for you, Aristus:
It's what I'll be eating!
Aristus
(66,467 posts)ProudLib72
(17,984 posts)[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)I just so happen to know there is a very specialized segment of our society (or Germany's) that actually creates those. It could be a giant marzipan centerpiece, and it would have his 70 year-old likeness molded onto the face. OK, now I've gone & disturbed myself further.
Doreen
(11,686 posts)NO!!! Do not waste wonderful Marzipan on that foul beast!!! If you want to make Marzipan send it to me!
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)that Trump and his cohorts with him don't deserve Marzipan. Marzipan IS wonderful. And unless his highness is wildly allergic to almonds, I would send it to you.
Doreen
(11,686 posts)I would however agree to you sending it to him if he were highly allergic. However from the looks of his grotesque fat ass he is not allergic to anything...well maybe salad.
ProudLib72
(17,984 posts)life sized marzipan tRump with raspberry jam in the middle. Chop it's head off and... Oh! The outcry from the right! But at least we will have marzipan!
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Last edited Tue Jun 6, 2017, 09:11 PM - Edit history (1)
Chop its head off, or "scalp" it.
"At least we'll have marzipan".
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Grammy23
(5,815 posts)Lard Milk Shake. Yum.....making my mouth water.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)With ranch dressing and ketchup on it, something really zingy and fried and butter-sautee'd.
Aviation Pro
(12,188 posts)...one of these. Yes, it's real and for the special shitstain play for two.
LuckyLib
(6,820 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)This may well be the grossest thing I've ever seen.
http://www.businessinsider.com/the-heart-attack-grill-restaurant-tour-2014-3
Marthe48
(17,035 posts)I looked at diaper's birthday dinner. Plenty of ammo to extend his Twitter time on the golden privy
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Who knows what horrors may emerge from that??
Marthe48
(17,035 posts)Bull s***, More of the Same and Piled Higher and Deeper
MurrayDelph
(5,301 posts)too much filling/cake (cheaper to make. Higher profit).
The cake at Brent's Deli (in LA) is better price, style, taste.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)And deep fry it. And add a soupcon of coolwhip. It would be the equivalent of what he does to a steak; take a really good cut of steak, burn it to a crisp, pour ketchup all over it, and complain.
kimbutgar
(21,207 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Just a liiiittle queasy.
rivegauche
(601 posts)Sorry for the vulgarity but.. well, I would.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)a shit sandwich:
madinmaryland
(64,933 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)That's perfect- it completes the whole B-Day dining experience.
Doreen
(11,686 posts)KETCHUP.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)You look like a winner to me-- You're hired.
Doreen
(11,686 posts)have ever had. That is saying a lot because I used to work at animal shelters cleaning dog runs and cat cages. Oh, yes wiping butts at nursing homes also. Those are much better jobs than being around trump. Does the job include benefits? Like a therapist for the rest of my life.
Vinca
(50,310 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)I can feel my face breaking out as we speak!
irisblue
(33,034 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Dream Girl
(5,111 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)I've heard many Trump rip-off stories, but!!! I think my joy would be in watching those creations I & my staff lovingly made, bolted, stuffed straight into the gullets, bloodstreams, kidneys, hearts and intestines of the celebrants around the table.
meow2u3
(24,774 posts)Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)I'm baffled as to how that cretin occupying the WH can scarf so much rich food, frankly.
But, I'm not about to try and stop him.
Texasgal
(17,048 posts)splat of ketchup on everything.
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)A tremendous, outstanding splat of ketchup. It's the staple that ties everything together.
klook
(12,170 posts)Found on Dimly Lit Meals for One by Tom Kennedy.
"You like? This my latest creation! I call it 'Sunrise Over Volga.'"
Is this what they used to serve at the Politburo cafeteria? A lovely arrangement of bologna, salami, cucumbers, dill, "cheese food," and -- oh my God, what are those weird little green strips? Green onion fronds? Grass clippings?
Sugar Smack
(18,748 posts)Thank you for that link- it's like getting a present!
Just for that, here are 2 more of my favorite sites:
http://www.airlinemeals.net/
http://www.shag.com/#galleryhome
?format=500w
?format=1500w
klook
(12,170 posts)Shag, I mean -- those airline meals, probably not so much!
Oh my, what is that "fruit" in the little square container? It looks like it could be a hybrid of tomato, mango, and cantaloupe... tomangoloupe?
I spent an inordinate amount of time on airlinemeals.net this evening -- what a delight! It's an interesting culinary art form, constrained by the limitations of the airplane seat-back tray. So even the business class meals have a certain level of dejected resignation about them. I will be sure to consult this site before my next flight, just so I know what I'm getting into!
And this Shag guy's art -- what fun! This is a great take on the "mid-century modern" look, with many odd touches -- a wall aquarium with a happy platypus(?), partygoers mesmerized by a guy with the flaming hands(?!), that wonderful lampshade celebration! Wow. I think the perfect soundtrack for this art is "Summer Samba" by Walter Wanderley (sorry, you have to jump to YouTube to play it, but it's worth it):