"I've checked this out myself. You can take it to the bank." Please come CAPTION Carter Page!!!!

[skip fox]

Carter Page is saying: "I can honesty tell you, Steve, that the dossier of the Trump team's so-call collusion with Russia is filled with false innuendoes, gross errors and downright lies! For one, I never delivered a tape to the Russians where Donald Trump pledged to ease sanctions in response to the release of Hillary Clinton's hacked e-mails in steady increments between then and the election, especially but not exclusively on the days of her major rallies, or why would I be talking to you here today? . . . It would make no sense whatsoever. . . . Therefore, the very fact that I'm talking with you is incontrovertible proof that there was no so-called collusion with Russia and that I'm telling the complete truth. . . . Plus they misspelled my name not once, but twice."

[leftynyc]

1. His lawyer

must be tearing his hair out. He's going to get crucified on cross examination.

[randome]

2. "A lobotomy a day keeps the oranges in their peels! God save the Queen! Heil Putin!"

"I'm sorry, what was the question?"
[hr][font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font][hr]

[skip fox]

3. As an old English prof., I ask you. What does every semi-colon require?

A colostomy bag.

In return for your lobotomies.

[randome]

7. Then what does a colon require?

[hr][font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font][hr]

[skip fox]

8. Trump!

I.e., an asshole.

[randome]

10. Nailed it!

[hr][font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font][hr]

[L. Coyote]

4. The best way to preface a lie is? Answer: "I can honesty tell you, ..."

People who say "I can honesty tell you..." at times do not tell the truth or they would just skip the "I can honesty tell you" because speaking the truth is presumed. Liars lack that presumption, obviously.

Link to tweet

[skip fox]

5. Warning. CAPTIONing at DU has traditionally been a creative sport.

But we try to channel our subject's essence, letting" them say what they would like to say, or having them say sojethhing obviously absurd (as here) or blatantly hypocritical, or . . . etc. Like a sketch on SNL. For the praise of holy satire.

(You are, of course, right about the liar's opening. I think I've heard Page actually use this.)

[Johonny]

6. Russia did not affect my role in the campaign. I'm am totally...oh my God what did Trump just bomb

look over there big beautiful bombs. Get Brian Williams we need waxing poetically about bombs. There are bombs! Look there are bombs. No more story here...look at the bombs.

[underpants]

9. I was taking my sick dope mix tape to them

It had all the goodies on it
Spin Doctors
ICP What up Juggalos?!
The Offspring
The Donald
Nickelback

What, y'all don't like mix tapes?

[skip fox]

11. Carter Page is saying:

"Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't a foreign policy advisor but a . . . D.J.?"