SARAH PALIN SPEAKS OUT!!!
Last edited Fri Feb 24, 2017, 10:29 PM - Edit history (1)
Reached for an interview at her Alaskan home, Sarah Palin has finally broken her silence on Donald Trump and his administration. Ushering this reporter through her spacious house, she proudly pointed out her decorating skills. “Sure, it’s not gold-encrusted – but you have to admit it’s equally tasteless,” she said with her trademark wink and a “you betcha!”
But there’s no avoiding the fact that the sparkle that made the once-beloved Tundra Trash famous has faded since the glory days of her VP campaign back in 2008.
Speaking through an interpreter who translates Palinese into English, Palin lost no time in getting to the point. “I’ve always prided myself on my ability to speak gibberish. But after hearing Trump’s speeches throughout his campaign, I realized I was witnessing a master of the craft.”
But there was no mistaking her bitterness when it comes to opining on Trump’s WH appointees. “It’s like this entire administration stole my schtick,” she said sadly, claiming to be the originator of the I-obviously-don’t-know-my-ass-from-a-hole-in-the ground routine that mesmerized voters back in 2008. “It’s disheartening to see abject stupidity, a skill I worked so hard to hone, being acted-out by complete amateurs. Word salad? That was my idea. Now every Preibus, Conway, and Spicer is trotting it out like it’s their original material.”
Palin admitted that she’d hoped to land a job as a Trump spokes-mouth, but was rejected after submitting a resume. “I’d accidentally strung four words together that made sense, and that was the end of that. They had to know I’d quit the job within a few months anyway,” she added mournfully. “So they could have at least given me a shot as a temp.”
Palin readily admits that after seeing Trump in action, she has learned from her own mistakes. “He doesn’t pay his contractors, doesn’t pay taxes, doesn’t give a shit about the country. Well, neither do I – and obviously I should have pushed those attributes harder during my campaign. I remember the days I would draw crowds in the thousands,” she went on. “I should have insisted it was in the millions and yelled ‘fake news’ when contradicted. Live and learn.”
Giving credit where due, Palin opined that Trump’s ability to reach out to the unbelievably stupid was a stroke of genius. “I did my best to reach dumb voters. But Donnie was able to target the dumber-than-dumb, a much larger demographic than I realized was out there, who were all anxiously waiting to be conned.”
“Yes, mistakes were made,” Palin said of her failed bid for the vice presidency. “There I was declaring Putin a dangerous threat to America. Had I known the Republican base would embrace him as they now have, I would have walked across the street, introduced myself to the man, and peed on his bed while he took photos. It was an opportunity missed.”
Asked about a possible presidential run in future, Palin stated that in order to appeal to Trump supporters, she’d have to get even dumber than she already is. “That seems an impossible task, but I’m willing to work hard at it before my usual quitting time,” adding that she was exploring the possibility of surgery to have her brain removed “if that’s what it takes” to appeal to Republican voters.
While remaining non-committal about her future political ambitions, rumours abound that Palin is setting up several businesses that will manufacture goods in low-wage countries bearing a “Buy American!” label – a move that many political observers believe will appeal to those dumber-than-dumb voters who will continue to have their jobs outsourced during Trump’s tenure in office.
Is there a Sarah Palin presidency in our future? It’s too early to tell – but stranger things have happened. Much stranger things.
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"tundra trash"....... 
I have to admit - since early November I end my day by having a good, strong drink - thankful that I've survived another day with Prima Donnie and his cast of idiots running the country.
Tonight's drink has been watered down - with tears of laughter!!!!
OMG!!!! No anger in this tome - just marvelous writing that is very likely to be TRUE (well, at least an alternative true..............).
Thanks, Nance! 
