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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsUnderstanding tRump's narcissistic personality disorder.
Want to talk a little about narcissistic personality disorder. Ive unfortunately had a great deal of experience with it, and Im feeling badly for those of you who are trying to grapple with it for the first time because of our president-elect, who almost certainly suffers from it or a similar disorder. If I am correct, it has some very particular implications for the office. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
1) Its not curable and its barely treatable. He is who he is. There is no getting better, or learning, or adapting. Hes not going to rise to the occasion for more than maybe a couple hours. So just put that out of your mind.
2) He will say whatever feels most comfortable or good to him at any given time. He will lie a lot, and say totally different things to different people. Stop being surprised by this. While its important to pretend good faith and remind him of promises, as Bernie Sanders and others are doing, thats for his supporters, so *they* can see the inconsistency as it comes. He wont care. So if youre trying to reconcile or analyze his words, dont. Its 100% not worth your time. Only pay attention to and address his actions.
3) You can influence him by making him feel good. There are already people like Bannon who appear ready to use him for their own ends. The GOP is excited to try. Watch them, not him. President Obama, in his wisdom, may be treating him well in hopes of influencing him and averting the worst. If he gets enough accolades for better behavior, he might continue to try it. But dont count on it.
4) Entitlement is a key aspect of the disorder. As we are already seeing, he will likely not observe traditional boundaries of the office. He has already stated that rules dont apply to him. This particular attribute has huge implications for the presidency and it will be important for everyone who can to hold him to the same standards as previous presidents.
5) We should expect that he only cares about himself and those he views as extensions of himself, like his children. (People with NPD often cant understand others as fully human or distinct.) He desires accumulation of wealth and power because it fills a hole. (Melania is probably an acquired item, not an extension.) He will have no qualms *at all* about stealing everything he can from the country, and hell be happy to help others do so, if they make him feel good. He wont view it as stealing but rather as something hes entitled to do. This is likely the only thing he will intentionally accomplish.
6) Its very, very confusing for non-disordered people to experience a disordered person with NPD. While often intelligent, charismatic and charming, they do not reliably observe social conventions or demonstrate basic human empathy. Its very common for non-disordered people to lower their own expectations and try to normalize the behavior. DO NOT DO THIS AND DO NOT ALLOW OTHERS, ESPECIALLY THE MEDIA, TO DO THIS. If you start to feel foggy or unclear about this, step away until you recalibrate.
7) People with NPD often recruit helpers, referred to in the literature as enablers when they allow or cover for bad behavior and flying monkeys when they perpetrate bad behavior on behalf of the narcissist. Although its easiest to prey on malicious people, good and vulnerable people can be unwittingly recruited. It will be important to support good people around him if and when they attempt to stay clear or break away.
8) People with NPD often foster competition for sport in people they control. Expect lots of chaos, firings and recriminations. He will probably behave worst toward those closest to him, but that doesnt mean (obviously) that his actions wont have consequences for the rest of us. He will punish enemies. He may start out, as he has with the NYT, with a confusing combination of punishing/rewarding, which is a classic abuse tactic for control. If you see your media cooperating or facilitating this behavior for rewards, call them on it.
9) Gaslighting where someone tries to convince you that the reality youve experienced isnt true is real and torturous. He will gaslight, his followers will gaslight. Many of our politicians and media figures already gaslight, so it will be hard to distinguish his amplified version from what has already been normalized. Learn the signs and find ways to stay focused on what you know to be true. Note: it is typically not helpful to argue with people who are attempting to gaslight. You will only confuse yourself. Just walk away.
10) Whenever possible, do not focus on the narcissist or give him attention. Unfortunately we cant and shouldnt ignore the president, but dont circulate his tweets or laugh at him you are enabling him and getting his word out. (Ive done this, of course, we all have
just try to be aware.) Pay attention to your own emotions: do you sort of enjoy his clowning? do you enjoy the outrage? is this kind of fun and dramatic, in a sick way? You are adding to his energy. Focus on what you can change and how you can resist, where you are. We are all called to be leaders now, in the absence of leadership.
https://medium.com/@nziehl/coping-with-chaos-in-the-white-house-697fa2ca3ddf#.x0ynontyp
Eliot Rosewater
(31,121 posts)to be in a position to decide how our hot dog is cooked let alone leader of the free world.
But thanks for the info, interesting.