Dissociated Press reports on Trump melt down at CIA
DISSOCIATED PRESS RELEASE:
President Trump used the occasion of his address to the CIA to challenge the crowd size at his inauguration. Trump had boasted repeatedly about how he would have the biggest and best crowds at his inauguration which turned out to be just wishful thinking. Fearful that much smaller estimates would cause people to doubt his prior claims about his penis size the insecure tyrant went on a delusional rant in front of CIA staffers.
“I had the biggest crowds ever, believe me,” he blustered. “I bet there was a bazillion, maybe even a gazillion people there.” Senior CIA staffers exchanged incredulous looks as he plunged on. “Thousands of bikers were there too but stayed in hiding to better protect me. They love me. They will protect me from anyone, EVEN YOU! HA HA HA HA HA!.” As the room settled into an embarassed silence, the unintentional President ignored it claiming he always had the best estimates. “When I say something is really big, it bigly is.” Flinging his tie over his shoulder, the portly putz began unbuttoning his pants. “It's retracted so you can't see it all under my belly fat but believe me it is all there!”
Low mutterings grew louder and more angry in the stunned room. A mortified Kellyanne Conway tried to make her way to the deranged demagogue who saw her coming. “THERE SHE IS! TELL THEM” he said, “TELL EM HOW BIG I AM!” Conway made a hand signal and two secret service men pulled small blowguns from their jackets and sent two darts into the babbling blubber-butt. Then two more for good measure.
As the curare took effect, Trump staggered around the stage, ranting incoherently and crying out for Ivanka and his mother (but not Melania for some reason). Falling to his knees then onto his fat jowls finally silenced him. As a phalanx of security dragged him off the stage, Kellyanne picked up the fallen mike. “Mr. Trump feels strongly about things and sometimes he doesn't express himself as clearly as he could. What Donald means to say is that he thinks the world of you and that no one should believe anything the papers will say about this event. Thank you for your service.”
= new reply since forum marked as read
Still. 
