Do you think it's possible that Sandusky's wife didn't know?

[LynneSin]

She just came across as this type of stoic housewife that was proud to have such an important husband. Although I know that one of the boys adopted by Sandusky came out and said he was raped by Jerry Sandusky, I still don't think the wife (mother) knew. I think the woman spent a lifetime turning a blind eye especially since it seems like many of the rapes happened outside of the home.

[applegrove]

1. I have met people who were so evil it destroys you to have to exist on the same planet as them

- yet the people around them thought they were great/normal. It is more than possible she has no idea.

[Horse with no Name]

2. I think she didn't WANT to know

and refused to see the clues. She was not only protecting her husband, she was protecting HER way of life....subconsciously or consciously.

[Raksha]

54. I agree with you. That level of denial takes a lot of energy,

especially when sustained over such a long period. But some people manage to pull it off anyway, which I suppose is an accomplishment of sorts.

[Artemis Rose]

59. Sandusky's wife is a coconspirator of these heinous crimes committed against children!

My rage is not only against vile scum-bag pedophile "Piece-of-Crap-Sandusky", I am equally outraged at his wife, his #1 loyal coconspirator and supporter.

Most certainly, Mrs. Sandusky enabled her Piece-of-Crap husband by choosing to turn a blind's eye to obvious warning signs while she fulfilled her significant role
as the dutiful loyal wife providing the appearance of a healthy safe home environment where these heinous crimes of sexual abuse and rape were committed against children.

Mr. Piece-of-Crap- Sandusky's coconspirator played her role as a naive, deaf, dumb and blind, unconscious brain-dead wife. Her presence in their home was required as a "cover" to influence parents of the soon-to-be-victim-boys. This
fake-safe-set-up scheme planned by the sexual pedophile perpetrator husband with the cooperation his willing or brain-dead coconspirator wife was necessary to carry out Mr. Piece-of-Crap-Sandusky's heinous crimes against children.

I can't fathom what coconspirators like Mrs. Piece-of-Crap-Sandusky do to rationalize and justify their cooperative role in these crimes. However, what I do know is she chose to ignore all the easily perceived and apparent warning signs and red flags; she chose to ignore and not pay close attention to her husband's most obvious inappropriate behavior with boys.

To make matters worse, Mrs. Piece-of-Crap stood by her man, Mr. Piece-of-Crap, in court each day. Worse still, after she witnessed and heard all the horrific irrefutable testimony of many of Mr. Piece-of-Crap's victims in court, and her own son's testimony, Mrs. Piece-of-Crap chose to still stand by her man, a vile pedophile who willfully sexually abused countless victims. Now she loyally visits him in jail.

I hold Mrs. Piece-of-Crap just as responsible for these vile heinous crimes perpetrated against children as Mr. Piece-of-Crap. Also, she's no better or worse than far too many of other mother's/wives, like herself, who were present in the homes where their own children were sexually abused by their husbands and did
nothing to protect their victimized children. Instead, just like Mrs. Piece-of-Crapthey, these sort of mother's are self-serving and choose to betray and abandon the needs of their victimized children and instead align themselves with their man.

Shame on Mrs. Piece-of-Crap-Sandusky for her role in these heinous crimes!

This horrible scenario is yet another example of patriarchy epitomized!

Bravo! to Matt for his awakened conscience and courage to tell the truth about his father's dark filthy secrets and his own sexual abuse. Hooray for all the victims! Let the healing begin!

[blue neen]

72. Agree with your premise.

I might phrase it a little differently, but you are spot-on.

[truebrit71]

61. I agree.

...I don't think she had actual knowledge, but she had to know something wasn't right, surely...

[Vanje]

63. She may have justified the molestation....because the boys were disadvantaged.

Sandusky took "disadvantaged boys" under his wing, and regaled them with the heady world of college sports.
What boy wouldnt just love that.........and if a very very important and virtuous man touched the children in a "playful way".......It may be "a little odd" , but what the hell, the boys are better off. Sandusky gives them a fantastic oportunity, and takes such good care of his boys...... .....other than that "funny uncle" business.
Remember. Those children were disadvantaged. They are not very important people.

Sandusky no doubt thought and continues to think that overall, he was doing the boys a big favor.
I bet his wife thought so too.

And see how how ungrateful those bad boys turned out to be. Poor Sandusky

(I dont really need a satire smiley here, do I?)

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. Absolutely not

But denial is a strange bird.

[Ishoutandscream2]

45. Yep, I think that also

She was in her own world of denial.

[proud2BlibKansan]

47. When I was a kid, a prominent man in our community got caught 'playing' with young boys

I knew him and his family pretty well. I went to school with his kids. Nice people. Then when he was caught, his wife told someone that no she didn't know what he was doing, but why would she WANT to know something like that?

I have to agree with her. I'd probably ignore the obvious also. It's just too sick, too heart breaking.

[Vanje]

64. Did he go to jail?

The prominent guy molester , did he serve time?

I know of 2 serial child molesters who were never charged, even though it was well known through rumors that both were pedophiles.
The rumors were true. Believe me, I can vouch for that.

Kids talk. Adults ignore them.

Both molesters are churchmen and well known pillars in their communities.

I know EXACTLY why Sandusky was able to molest for decades.

Charge and convict the enablers / conspirers.

I am NO FAN of the sainted Jo Pa.

[proud2BlibKansan]

67. He killed himself.

[TheWraith]

4. No way in hell, I think.

I think she may have been in denial, but I don't for a second think she really didn't know. Too much evidence, too much time. No normal person isn't going to wonder what their spouse is doing showering with young boys, or spending time with them in soundproofed cellars.

[davsand]

5. At best she was in denial.

I dunno how she couldn't have known, but I have seen an awful lot of women live in denial for years so I suppose it's possible. I hope for her own sake that she really was that obtuse and didn't know. I couldn't live with that on my soul and would not wish it on anyone else.


Laura

[cynatnite]

6. At the very least, she did not want to know...

I think she knew some of it, but refused to admit it most especially to herself.

While I think she is culpable, I do not believe she will ever be held liable in any way.

[NeverEnuff]

7. What?

I think one of the victims testified she had sex with him at Sandusky's direction. Of course she knew.

[RainDog]

16. That was another coach and school

Syracuse

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2011/11/su_coach_bernie_fines_wife_tol.html

Syracuse, N.Y. -- In a secretly taped telephone conversation in 2002, the wife of Syracuse University associate head basketball coach Bernie Fine told a former SU ball boy who has accused Fine of sexual abuse that Fine “needs help” and “thinks he’s above the law.”

Bobby Davis taped the 47-minute phone call with Laurie Fine, the coach’s wife for 26 years, on Oct. 8, 2002 and provided the tape to The Post-Standard shortly after.

On the tape, Davis tells Laurie Fine that her husband molested him. At no point in that conversation does Laurie Fine deny Davis’ allegations or act surprised by what Davis has to say. But she also does not provide an eyewitness account of any sexual abuse.

“The issue at hand is that he had no business doing what he did with you,” she said on the tape.

[Aerows]

8. I have a hard time

believing that she didn't. By some of the comments she made about the kids, she obviously didn't like some of them very much, which leads me to believe she knew SOMETHING was going on and resented it.

It's possible she didn't, but in my opinion, not probable.

From the New Yorker article:

"Dottie Sandusky, Jerry’s wife, testified that she never saw anything amiss. One of the alleged victims had testified that she had come into a hotel room where Sandusky had him in the bathroom, and come close to seeing abuse. She said that, the way she remembered it, Jerry was, indeed, arguing with the boy in the bathroom, but it was because the boy had done something wrong: they had spent fifty dollars for a ticket to a luncheon for him, and he didn’t want to go. From Maureen Dowd’s account of her testimony:

“He was yelling,” she said of her husband, adding: “I know Jerry was mad the way he looked. He said, ‘We did this for you. You’ve got to do this.’” She added with irritation that “we had to pay for his airline ticket; we had to pay for his food,” even though they had expenses for their “own” children and grandchildren.


Read more http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/closeread/2012/06/jerry-dottie-and-matt-sandusky.html#ixzz1yaPcfXIe

[Vanje]

65. "We Paid for you!" A fifty dollar dinner! An airplane ticket!

She thinks the boys are terribly ungrateful.
They were paid.

[Aerows]

68. Sadly

I think you are correct, Vanje. I wish to heaven this woman doesn't get his pension, but I know she will. She should be in the jail with him for enabling him.

[yellerpup]

9. She had to know.

When a child is being sexually abused, someone always knows. Anal rape probably hurts a lot and if it is happening to a child in your own home you will have an inkling. I have read that sexually abused children often blame the mother more than the perpetrator. This is an especially hard crime to forgive because it scars so deeply.

[sandyshoes17]

10. The way he was so into

These boys, there is no way they had a healthy relationship. She had to know. I don't think he was real into her.

[fishwax]

11. I think it's possible, but unlikely

Denial can be a pretty powerful impulse, though. I think it's possible she simply refused to acknowledge reality, but I think it's very unlikely she was completely clueless.

[teddy51]

12. I would be very surprised to learn that she wasn't sodomized by him, and that would to me be hard

to believe that she wasn't aware of his actions.

[FarPoint]

13. She knew...in my opinion.

I think Sandusky himself was a molested child...The behavior is passed on....the victim becomes the offender...passing, dumping their shame. (Pia Mellody lectures/books on shame with sexual addiction).

His father was beloved in their community and was well respected for community services for children. See here on Wikipedia...

snip>

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Sandusky

His father Arthur served in the field of youth service programs for over 30 years, mostly as director of the Brownson House in Washington, Pennsylvania, a community recreation center for children.[9][9] There, he founded the Pennsylvania Junior Wrestling program and created junior basketball, volleyball, boxing and football programs for the Brownson House. He improved the facilities there by adding a new playground, gym, outdoor basketball court, and a renovated football field. He managed the 1955 Washington baseball team that won the Pony League World Series championship, the only team from Washington to win that championship. Arthur was inducted into the Pennsylvania Sports Hall of Fame in 1989.[9]

Jerry Sandusky attended Washington High School, where he was a good student and standout athlete, playing baseball, basketball, and football.[10] He was a leader on his junior high basketball team that went undefeated through the Western Pennsylvania Interscholastic Athletic League.[10] Personally, his classmates have described him as a studious "loner" who "never dated in high school" but was a popular and handsome athlete.[10]

end>


Just from what I have learned from my sister in law about this sex addict behavior. She is a therapist ....

[FedUpWithIt All]

24. There is also the letter where he compares his relationship with a victim

to the relationship he had with his father. That immediately sent off a flag to me.

BJ Story (Sandusky's own title)

Very few people know about this story and probably less care. I guess that's why I'm writing it for me. I'm Jer.

(Accuser 4) is a young man that came into Jer's life. It was a difficult time for Jer because he had lost his dad. Jer and his dad shared so much, did many things together. (Accuser 4) comes along and he and Jer seem to enjoy the same experiences. But seemed to be in need. They loved playing games, competing, singing, laughing, sharing experiences, just being themselves. Jer remembers driving (Accuser 4) home. (Accuser 4) would say, “tell me another story, Jer.” Jer, of course, being filled with them would come up with one. Jer remembers how he didn't want those rides to end.

Jer became attached to (Accuser 4) and always will be. (Accuser 4) loved Justice and Staush, and they love him. He and Jer played polish soccer, wrote papers together, rode (Accuser 4)'s four wheeler even though Jer was scared to death, studied in the playground, roller skated, ice skated, jet-skied, went to a bowl game, spent days at football and soccer camp, canoed, traveled, and more. He met and did things with Penn State football players and spend many hours with them and Jer. It was (Accuser 4), jer, La Var, Mac, Courtney, David, Anthony, Josh, etc; it was “we”.

Times were not always perfect. There were ups and downs. There were arguments, fights, they cared! No matter what there was a connection that would help them last through the difficult times. There was always a sensitive, caring feeling deep inside. Jer had learned through many experiences that life isn't perfect, even with someone he considered to be his “best fiends”.

Life is far from perfect at this stage. Something or things have come into (Accuser 4)'s life that appear to have taken him over. It's powerful, a cloud of smoke that has engulfed him, for jer it has been a dark cloud. (Accuser 4) seemed to fight it, coming over trying to do hockey, but couldn't pull it off. He seems to be losing these battles more and more. Inch by inch they could have choked him and taken over. It has smothered sensitivity and love. Taken away his caring and enthusiasm. His enthusiasm has been replaced by sleep, his caring replaced by apathy (No concern.). “Tell me another story, Jer,” has been replaced by “I don't care!” This cloud has destroyed soccer and hockey, choking smiles and laughter. There is fear that it has reached his insides, killing his feelings.

Jer believes that there will always be something special inside (Accuser 4). He hopes that it will last, return, if it has left. The players miss him. They say, “come back, (Accuser 4)!” “Stay with us, (Accuser 4)!” Jer would love to have the good times back. The players shout, “Be with us to the end!” Jer would have loved to hear, “Tell me another story, Jer.” Jer may not be worthy, but he needs a “best friend.” It doesn't look real good.

Jer understands life and its changes. He's proud, too proud, to beg for a friend, extended family member. The story will end the way that (Accuser 4) wants it. Jer wants to be there to the end, but that's (Accuser 4)'s call. If (Accuser 4) ever needs him, he'll come.

Regardless, they have had an experience that others won't. Jer will not forget and always care!

I wish, with all my heart that these young men are able to heal now.

[FarPoint]

39. I see your point....

The cycle continues. This was how Sandusky was raised. When he was growing up, therapist didn't exist, no one could identify the abuse ...heck, we have therapist today and didn't identify the issues until victims -survivors finally came forward. Sandusky believed this to be normal based on his life nurturing failures.

What is such an offensive crime in this case is the cover up by so many people and community organizations. So many heads went into the sand. Some call it denial and some may see it as selfishness, not wanting to get involved or loose a meal ticket but I call it just wrong...to be silent.

Sandusky appears to of learned from his father via his own life experience as to how one builds a wall of protection. A fortress made from community " worship", power and prestige.

[FedUpWithIt All]

41. I don't think we can be sure that he was molested by anyone or even by his dad.

Just that the reference to his father in this letter was attention grabbing especially in light of his obviously stunted emotional development.

Certainly the affect this type of abuse has on a young child is deeply damaging.

[LiberalEsto]

51. From what I see in the bio

that he never dated in high school, etc, I suspect he deliberately married a woman who would be his enabler, who would keep her mouth shut, and who would serve as a heterosexual "cover" for his pedophilia.

[FarPoint]

55. Agreed...

What an awful life....to condone such actions....jaw dropping....I'm speechless.

[Vanje]

66. No

The behavior is NOT passed on.

Dont infer that victems of child abuse are themselves child molesters.

Fuck! No wonder victems keep quiet!

I survived serial abuse at age 8.

I am not a child abuser.

I am burning with rage that you would infer that I am an abuser.
BURNING WITH RAGE.
SHAKING with rage.

The shit that happened to me , happened TO me.

[Aerows]

69. Vanje, no one thinks that of you

Thousands of people survive abuse and don't become abusers, don't take it personally. A lot of people just don't understand what happens in sick minds like Sandusky's and try to rationalize or figure it out by saying he must have been done this way himself.

It's very sad what you endured, and you came out on the other side of it. You aren't abusing children, and there are millions more like you. Sometimes these creeps fabricate that abuse happened to them to justify what they do and make it seem normal. There is nothing normal about preying on children, and there are far more people that NEVER abuse children, even though they were abused themselves, than those that do. Hell, there are some that were never abused that do it.

Rise above it, my friend, and ignore the people that are eager to explain the unexplainable. It's so sad that many just want to reflexively categorize it rather than deal with the fact that it happens to children, and seemingly "normal" people commit these hideous crimes.

[FarPoint]

70. Oh yes it does get passed on in a sense.

Last edited Sat Jun 30, 2012, 11:30 PM - Edit history (1)

The child victims often become offenders...Why? According to Pia Mellody from the Sierra Tuscon Clinic, that the child victims continue the cycle in order to dump their shame. Not an intended act but a compulsion arises and the cycle continues.

http://www.piamellody.com/

This research falls under sexual addiction. A family member is a therapist and tried to educate me as she learned about sexual abuse, boundaries and such...informative.

here is another link ...

This is a source to at least try and understand Sandusky........

http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32315

snip>

National Center for Victims of Crime:

Cycle of Violence:

Child sexual abuse victims are also at risk of becoming ensnared in this cycle of violence. One expert estimates that forty percent of sexual abusers were sexually abused as children (Vanderbilt, 1992).

In addition, victims of child sexual abuse are 27.7 times more likely to be arrested for prostitution as adults than non-victims. (Widom, 1995). Some victims become sexual abusers or prostitutes because they have a difficult time relating to others except on sexual terms.

[blue neen]

71. People have choices.

They can choose to get help...they can choose to stop the cycle. The survivors who make those choices are very brave indeed.

[Vanje]

74. "The child victims often become offenders."

REally"?
Often? How often?
EXACTLY how often?
What percentage of the 1 in 4 girls who get abused, .....(Yeah. Its about 1/4 of all the female children in USA.) Exactly What percentage of abused children go on to be abusers?

Percentage is a fraction. I'd like a number. Not some words you pull out your butt.

I was an abused child. As a result. How many children have I abused?

I'm a survivor who has not been felled by substance abuse or suicide. Child abuse survivors die of substance abuse, and suicide at significantly higher rates than population as a whole.
Is that a good thing for society?

I'm still here.
Whats the percentage of risk that I will molest your kids? Do you hide your children away when I come into your home?

Should we wear ankle bracelets? Should we be required to register as potential offenders? Branded? Tatooed?
Should we be barred from being teachers? Sport coaches? Scout leaders?

[Vanje]

75. And oh.

My abuser is still at large. Pillar of the community. Elder in the church. Maybe its your church. Your community.
Maybe you hang with him. He is NOT a Republican. He's a mover and shaker in City and state level Democratic party politics.

No one has gone public to expose him.


Can you blame us?

[FarPoint]

85. I'm sorry for your pain.

The discussion of this topic appears to have open wounds....My heart aches for you...

I didn't catch it at first.....

Let me clarify, that the research finds parallels and a cycle for SOME...like Sandusky. Not all victims become offenders by any means....By understanding such cyles, healing can begin for many.

[FarPoint]

78. Chill out....

Were just talking here. I'm only sharing what Linda told me about the subject. I'm in learning mode myself. I believe it helps one understand why such behavior occurs. I'm not an authority or advocate.

[Vanje]

80. I just dont think you know what you're talking about

And what you are spouting is quite harmful.

[FarPoint]

81. Then educate yourself.

Become informed. I gave nice starter links.

[blue neen]

82. I am going to respectfully ask you...

to just stop it.

That's all. Stop. Thank you.

[FarPoint]

84. Stop what?

You lost me on your intent as I thought we were participating on a discussion board. I hope this topic has not caused you personal distress. If so, I wish you all the best and that you get the support you need. I sincerely mean this from my heart. I wish no one to suffer.

[Sienna86]

14. Hell no.

She didn't want to risk her livelihood. That's it.

[teddy51]

18. Yep, and it happens all to often! Maybe in some ways you can't blame her for that, unless either

she or we think about the victims. I think that once she thinks about this, in time, she will have a very hard time coming to grips with her decision to let this slide.

[Sgent]

15. Probably

although not a medical professional, I've worked in child advocacy centers for a while, and the common consensus was that the wife / girlfriend / etc. knew but either didn't believe it, or wasn't will to admit it (to themselves).

[bermudat]

17. No, she knew.

As long as he didn't climb on top of her, she was fine with it.

[RainDog]

19. Yes, I think it's possible - but I don't know one way or the other

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/12/04/complicit-wives-dottie-sandusky.html

...researchers say that cluelessness is typical: pedophiles’ wives are usually in the dark. What seems to fool the women over and over, says University of Arizona psychologist Judith Becker, is that the abusers are usually charismatic and popular—not creepy loners like the one who lives with his mom in the movie Little Children. “They don’t come across as angry or aggressive,” says Becker, who has evaluated more than 1,000 of these men. “And they tend to be kind and loving around children.”

“The men are very, very good at living a double life,” explains Caprice Haverty, the codirector of a treatment program for sex offenders and their families called A Step Forward. Three years ago, Haverty found out that one of her daughter’s teachers had committed sex crimes against other students. “I’m trained in this, I’m a specialist, and I liked the guy!” she says. “I didn’t notice anything.”

Psychologists are quick to caution that there is no one-size-fits-all model for these women—but they do share some common characteristics. Low self-esteem tops the list. Many are also religious, submissive, shy, and emotionally unstable, says Charlene Steen, another psychologist who specializes in treating sex offenders. (Much of this calls to mind Dottie Sandusky, whose life seemed to revolve around her demigod husband and his charity where she volunteered.)

Sometimes there may be subtle clues—for instance, the pedophile’s frequent lack of conjugal interest, notes Robin Wilson, a Florida psychologist who has worked with sex offenders for 27 years. Indeed, of half a dozen women interviewed by Newsweek over the past week, every single one described being married to a guy who was sexually hesitant. But as one former wife put it: “Plenty of couples have sexual problems. I thought it was normal.”

[Politicalboi]

20. Because it came up in 1998

I find it hard to believe she didn't know, or suspect something was wrong

[Honeycombe8]

21. I think it's possible she didn't know. But who really knows if she did. Lots of wives are naive...

the wife of that politician who didn't know her husband was gay, after being married to him for years. I've known & heard of other wives who didn't know their husbands were gay.

I thinkpart of it may be naiivity. It just doesn't cross their mind that THAT'S the problem, because they've never known anyone like that, been exposed to it, are unaware that that exists to the extent it does, etc. It's just not part of their brain to think that people would do that. So even though they think something's wrong, THAT'S not what they would think is wrong.

[Stinky The Clown]

22. No. I think it in inconceivable she didn't know

[EmeraldCityGrl]

23. She will spend the rest of her life

in her own self imposed hell. It's cowardice of the greatest magnitude.
Knowing children are being brutally violated in your own home and
too co-dependent to stop it.

[aquart]

28. Nah. She'll wonder why they did this to her.

She isn't going to ernjoy being treated as unclean.

[abelenkpe]

25. I think she didn't know

She didn't want to know, and to this day believes it isn't true.

Denial is a powerful thing.

My mom once walked into my younger brothers room where he and my sister and a couple of their friends were sitting around in a cloud of smoke getting high. Huge bong right out in open. She scolded him about not mowing the lawn or finishing his homework and walked out of the room. Later in the week she proudly told his counselor that he has been so good and she could tell he hadn't been smoking.

And I know she believed what she said. Truly. Scared the crap out of me. Never viewed her the same again.

[cwydro]

26. I think she knew. nt

[FarPoint]

56. She will probably move to Florida and leave her past behind.

She could be lost in a crowd of retirees there and have a good life on his pension. She can always send monthly stipends, money on his books via online.

She only spent maybe 10 minutes visiting him in the jail per 6 pm news. HahhaHaha

[XemaSab]

27. Either they had a terrible marriage or she must have known something was wrong

How many nights was this man not in bed with her but in bed with a child down in the basement? Maybe he was doping her up or he slept in a different room, but how else could she not know?

[SoCalDem]

29. People like her ( my own mother was one too) are too concerned with :

1) How would I have money if he went to jail?
2) How would I withstand the scandal?
3) If I ignore it, he will change
4) Kids lie, don't they?
5-thru ? ...see 1-4

[B Calm]

30. She was married to a republican,

and probably a victim herself of spousal abuse.

[Are_grits_groceries]

31. Please stop with the politics.

I'll bet many who ignored the signs were Democrats or whatever. This should be well beyond partisanship. It was handled in some places and by a few as a political problem. It is a problm for humanity.

[B Calm]

33. This is a political board!

[Are_grits_groceries]

35. Even so.

Not everything posted here is political. Not by a long shot.

[B Calm]

36. Maybe not, but Sandusky

is a registered Republican and trust me, if he was a registered democrat it would be all over the news!!!

[Are_grits_groceries]

37. Then write a LTTE!

I am so tired of the diisiveness bout this issue. That probably would happen, but promoting it makes it worse.
There have been many cases lately where Republicans got in trouble and were identified as such. They involved adults.
If everybody can't step away from making this a political issue, then passing laws to protect kids and funding ideas to help will be caught in partisan stasis. Tht has already happened
Believe me, I'm all for slapping the shite out the mooks who are idiots on other issues.

[B Calm]

38. .

[eShirl]

32. It's possible she doesn't consciously know,

but somewhere, wayy deep down, she has to know.

[Are_grits_groceries]

34. Yes and no.

People compartmentalize and lock horrible things away. They deny they are there. However, that box is really a ticking time bomb that will at some point cause great pain. It may only be in the last minute of life, but it will be intense.

We all lock away unpleasant things in order to function. It may be the result of some trauma. At some point, it should be faced. However, right after the trauma may be too soon.

In addition, research is now showing that continually revisiting what happened in order to come to terms with it may actually be harmful. That is what some have counseled for years. Coming to terms with the problem is important, but not over and over if possible.

I am not defending Dottie Sandusky. Locking away and ignoring some things is wrong in a lot of ways.

[FarPoint]

40. They adopted children....

Was there a clinical reason? Or, an intimacy issue?

Dottie knew about the abuse. Heck, I know when the kids have been in my room, if something has been misplaced...I sense it first. I know and feel out of sync even if Mr. is fibbing about how his day went or why he was delayed etc....Dottie knew from the very beginning in my opinion.. This is bigger than just a family secret...it's a community secret as well.

[JohnnyLib2]

43. Good points.

Some other ways denial shows up: not catching on to a spouse's affair when many know
"not my kid" (drugs, being sexually active, sexting, etc.)
denial until an offspring "comes out" directly
disbelief when admired leaders are first exposed in some way


Also, I've seen cases where the person in her situation eventually lets go of the denial---sometimes years later, after much damage to the family.

[AngryOldDem]

42. She knew. I'm sure there was some denial going on, but she knew.

Especially when he had kids over to the house.

[undeterred]

44. Never underestimate the power of denial.

People who grow up to be notorious killers often show signs of it for years before, but the people closest to them fail to read the signs. They don't want to think or believe bad things about the person they love.

He is obviously a sadistic asshole to innocent children, so I doubt he treated his own wife much better. Sandusky's wife may be a victim of cruel treatment at the hands of her husband and may just be incapable of seeing past her own situation.

[seabeyond]

46. personally, i do not believe it. but, everyones marriage is different

all people are different. wouldnt fly by in this house the way we are. but then, if a mate had a secret to hide, it would not be this house anyway. this would not be a norm, to see an out of the norm. the person would create a life, where hiding would be the norm.

with my brain, i say, no, she had to know. but, i think some can go blind.

[TorchTheWitch]

48. I think she convinced herself she didn't know

because admitting to herself that she knew what he was doing was just to horrible to contemplate. The mind is incredible in what it can convince us of.

[slackmaster]

49. Denial

That is my eigenlicht diagnosis.

[etherealtruth]

50. Denial is a powerful tool

It protects us from that which we can't withstand knowing.

Sadly, it helped destroy those kids

[Z_I_Peevey]

52. Of course it is possible.

In a case with so many sickening elements, I find the speed at which some have abandoned their condemnation of Sandusky to put it instead on the wife to be, in itself, quite disturbing.

Why must we shift our disgust from the perpetrator to what could possibly be another of his victims? Pedophiles are the world's best liars, because they have to be. Women who believe in traditional, submissive roles in a marriage would be actively sought out by pedophiles and groomed for the wifely "cover" role just as surely as the boys were groomed, seduced, violated and discarded.

I personally believe that pedophilia is the ultimate expression of patriarchy. It's a power thing. And the blaming of the wife (who as far as I know was not accused of violently raping young boys) is just another expression of our culture's sick misogyny. Leave the blame where it belongs--on the convicted pedophile.

If evidence comes out that she knew and actively covered for him, then by all means, prosecute. Condemn her. But as it stands now, she seems more like another victim to me. Naive, maybe. Gullible, maybe. Deluded, in denial...call it whatever you want. But nowhere near the actual rapist/molester/perpetrator in monstrousness.

Here's a good article that explains why we might be so quick to try to spread the blame around. We just can't bear to look at the full horror of pedophilia square-on.

http://healthland.time.com/2012/06/23/sandusky-verdict-when-seeing-the-world-as-good-is-bad/

[RainDog]

53. great post. thanks! n/t

[joeybee12]

57. No, but only if you mean she chose not to know...

She put on blinders...you can't not know what goes on in your own home.

[Broken_Hero]

58. I believe that she knew about it

but pumped loads of denial into her brain daily.

[shanti]

60. In a word

No. I think she basically stuck her fingers in her ears and said, "lalalalalala". How could she have not heard anything from that basement? And so many boys?? There's no way she would admit her culpability in something so heinous. She will probably take this to her grave.

[TwilightGardener]

62. She may not have known the extent and timeframe until the accusations, but there is no way

she didn't see and hear and experience some strange/suspicious things from him over the years. I would guess she found out a while back, and just hoped it would all stop and go away eventually.

[ibegurpard]

73. I think she chose not to see

[barbtries]

76. i think she had to know

but i wasn't there.

[pnwmom]

77. Here, another wife of a pedophile explains how it is possible not to know.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/11/26/how-dorothy-sandusky-could-have-been-deceived.html

When news of former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky’s alleged sex crimes broke, I froze in my steps. My stomach knotted. A fog seemed to fill my head, and all I could think was “It’s happening again.” Then “I wonder if he has a wife and kids." I wasn’t reacting as a college-football fan; I was reacting as the ex-wife of a pedophile.

Just shy of seven years ago, my life and the lives of my two children were turned upside down. The man I had been married to for more than a decade had been arrested as a part of an FBI sting to bring down NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association, an advocacy group for pedophiles that supports an “end to the extreme oppression of men and boys in mutually consensual relationships.” I was a well-educated, philanthropic, 39-year-old mother who, until recently, was living a charmed Dallas life, married to a well-liked dentist who had been living a lie for our entire relationship.

A former youth-ministry volunteer at a local church, an energetic volunteer at our kids’ elementary school, and a favorite at their Y-Guides outings, my ex-husband, Todd, turned out to be a criminal who brought tremendous harm, both physically and emotionally, to prepubescent boys. He was an “inner circle” member of NAMBLA—a member of its board of directors—wanted by the feds. Throughout our marriage, which ended in a confusing divorce shortly before the FBI swept in, I believed him when he said he was traveling to dental conventions—when in fact, he was attending pedophile conferences. He kept a secret mailbox at the local post office, where he received his pedophilia newsletters and other suspicious mail. We never found any proof of illegal Internet activities—his hard drive had been cleaned—except for a printed-out receipt for a porn video of young boys. Often, as I eventually learned, these predators are masters of deceit, creating a façade of the “ideal family” to protect their image, or perhaps convince themselves that they’re not a deviant to society, all the while acting on their sick desire to engage in sexual acts with kids.

I have never met Dorothy Sandusky, Jerry Sandusky’s wife of four decades, who goes by “Dottie,” nor have I met any of their six grown, adopted children. Yet I feel like I’ve walked in the very painful shoes I imagine they’re walking in today. In the wake of the Penn State allegations, many people are publicly wondering, “Did Dottie know?” And “how could she not know?” I’m sure people wondered that about me, because I wondered it about myself. While I would never be so bold as to presume what Sandusky’s loved ones knew, it seems entirely plausible to me that he was living a “secret life” right under their noses; that he took great pains to hide his alleged abusive behaviors from those closest to him. Sex offenders’ families are often collateral damage to their crimes.



SNIP

[HappyMe]

79. I think it's possible she didn't know.

Or if she had an inkling that something was going on, she went into some strong denial. Your mind can block out the most horrible things.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

83. I have seen wives look the other way in the face of distasteful things to maintain their lifestyle

Fear of poverty and fear of being socially ostracized can be very influential.