All the groping talk isn't a trigger for me, but it does bring back a memory.

[GaYellowDawg]

In college, I was in an honors organization, the typical kind that gets dressed up in slacks and jackets (or skirts, if the women wanted to do so) and hosts official events. I was at one fundraiser with some big-dollar donors. It was pretty typical for us to get pictures with the donors, so it was no surprise to be asked to pose with the top donor for a picture of the event. In fact, I was pretty enthusiastic about it. I was taller than him, so I didn't particularly think anything when he put his arm around my waist under the jacket. Couple of pictures got taken, and after, he slid his hand down and gave my butt a firm squeeze. I jumped and I'm sure I looked pretty surprised. He just grinned at me and walked off.

I'm paraphrasing the following conversation because it was a long time ago. One of the women in the same organization came up and said "squeezed your ass, didn't he?" I was still surprised and said, "but I'm a GUY!!" She said. "well, welcome to our world." I said, "this happens to y'all?" She said "all the time." I had no idea. And as you've already noticed, because I was young and stupid, I didn't know it happened all that often, and thought it was something that didn't happen to men. And I didn't speak up about it, or go to anyone. Because the guy was a top-dollar donor, and I would have been landed on. And my father was a professor there, and I knew if I made any kind of stink about it, his job could have been in jeopardy. So I just let it go.

I'm not saying it's an equivalent experience to the kind of sexism that women face. At all. I don't have to deal with all the day-to-day slights and hurdles that women have to. It was a one-time thing, and it wasn't even my genitalia that got grabbed. But I have had one small experience with having someone put their hands on me in a way that I didn't want, and feeling completely powerless to do anything about it.

I know it's a common thing for you. Sometimes I wonder how y'all even keep your sanity.

[ALBliberal]

1. Throughout my life I have had instances

Of complete strangers and others grabbing my butt. A few I didn't know and a few I knew well. One was my husband's uncle. One was a man at the YMCA pool who accosted me while I was playing with my toddler son. I always felt helpless and violated.
Thanks for your voice of support.

[pnwmom]

2. Thank you. But I would say what you describe is just like

what's happened to many women. The fact that you didn't experience all the forms of sexism doesn't mean you don't understand just how women would feel in this situation: grossed-out, confused, and feeling diminished.

My brother was also sexually harassed by a (male) employer. It was just as disturbing for him as it would have been for any women; and, like many women, he left the job rather than report it.

I get so mad at the people this week saying that if these things had really happened, the women would have reported it at the time. Absolutely not. Most of these things are never reported. How do you prove something like this? For most people, it's just not worth going through the hassle.

[kag]

3. Thanks for this.

I'm sorry you had to experience that, but thanks for sharing it with us. As a woman it is enlightening to learn that even guys sometimes have to put with this crap, and respond to it in the same way.

[LittleGirl]

4. That's terrible

I'm an aging hippy and don't have my looks anymore but I have been groped, grabbed and whistled at since I was 5 or 6 yrs old. It's disgusting to live through it and there is absolutely nothing you can do when one of these abusers runs off afterward. Complete strangers or classmates or someone you thought you could trust. Sometimes, even relatives that leave you in hysterics like my Uncle when I was 19. Completely violated and helpless because you can't prove it (especially in the 70s) when cell phone didn't exist. Thank you for sharing and understanding what some of us have experienced for over 50 yrs and next time someone tries to put their hands on me, they are going down.