The “Fuck This” Moment in Abusive Relationships

[sheshe2]

Abusive relationships manifest when a woman’s internal environment of low self-esteem meets an abuser’s external environment of continuous negative reinforcement. Women with low self-esteem magnify their faults to gigantic proportions while simultaneously disregarding all of the good things about themselves – the exact same thing that the abuser does. The external conditions reinforce the victim’s internal beliefs. She becomes trapped in a state of learned helplessness as her self-image gradually atrophies.

The decision to leave an abusive relationship is not easy, even after a powerful “fuck this” moment. It is NOT simply a case of “well, if he treats her so badly, why doesn’t she just leave?” Making the decision to leave requires tremendous inner strength and courage, as she is making this decision against nearly insurmountable odds. On top of the paralytic state of learned helplessness and the same feelings of loss that everyone feels at the end of a relationship (which are magnified in the unhealthy co-dependence of an abuser-victim relationship), abusers routinely threaten to hunt down and kill victims if they try to escape. They may threaten hurt or kill a victim’s family members, friends, or children. They may threaten to take custody of the victim’s children. On top of this, the victims often have no money and no support network, as the abuser has severed their ties to the world outside of the relationship. These women are stuck in a torturous cycle of being being raped, beaten, burnt, forced to do drugs, and slashed with knives, believing that there is no way out other than to risk their abuser inflicting pain and possibly death upon themselves and everyone they love. It takes the type of courage that most people have never had to summon in their entire lives to leave an established abusive relationship, no matter what the cost.

Don’t think that domestic violence can’t happen to you or that you don’t know anyone that is being or has been abused. You do. Domestic violence is very common, but is still surrounded by such a social taboo that it is not discussed openly. Think about how many women you know personally, then consider that statistically, one in every four of those women has experienced some form of domestic violence in her lifetime. If you want to avoid becoming a statistic yourself, one of the best things you can do is to hold yourself in high regard. Make sure you have high self-esteem and high standards that you will hold yourself and your partner to before you even consider starting a relationship. Your relationship standard should never be, “well, he puts me down and calls me names and embarrasses me in front of my friends and family, but he doesn’t hit me so it’s okay”. NO! Your standard should be “I absolutely refuse to tolerate anyone in my life who doesn’t treat me with the utmost respect, love, honesty, and kindness. I deserve the BEST, and anyone who gives me less than that can take a long walk off a short pier!”

Ladies – please don’t wait for an abuse-induced “fuck this” moment before you start to realise your self-worth. You absolutely do NOT have to tolerate men treating you badly. There are plenty of good men out there who would be honoured to date you and treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Have your “fuck this” moment right now. Dump the losers who don’t respect you and hold out for one of the great men who will.

More: http://www.climbtherainbow.com/2011/12/the-fuck-this-moment-in-abusive-relationships/

_______________________________________

You are not alone. You can do this. Pick yourself up and leave. If you have a child pick them up, hug them tightly and run as fast as you can and never look back.

Trust me, you all know someone that has been abused. You do, even if they never said the words. You know them.

October is DV awareness month.
Fuck DV.





Domestic Violence Charity Creates Intentionally Offensive PSA (NSFW)

“Any form of abuse, verbal and physical, is worse than a mere word.”



More: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028206269

[Siwsan]

1. Any of us who have ever been subjected to the kind of assaulting behavior he jokes about

are, no doubt, in full fuming mode, after hearing that tape.

[sheshe2]

2. I know I am, Siwsan.

[Siwsan]

3. My heart is actually pounding.

This has been an awful, awful trigger.

[sheshe2]

5. I know.

Love to you my friend.

[Siwsan]

6. And to you

Deep breaths.........

[sheshe2]

7. Yes...

Then let's get angry.

[smirkymonkey]

4. Thanks for posting sheshe2

[brer cat]

8. Thanks, sheshe.

Very timely posting as the abusive candidate is all over the news demonstrating how it's done.

[msanthrope]

9. Am I wrong to want to explain this to the Male Republican Establishment?

Seriously I think they've got some fucking Stockholm Syndrome

[sheshe2]

10. You are not wrong.

[msanthrope]

11. Yes. . ...but I want to explain it with the help of a nice, solid piece of wood....

https://m.

[niyad]

23. with nails, or holes???

[bucolic_frolic]

12. Though far fewer

than men, women can be abusers too

especially in the sense of having toxic personalities

There is the book "Toxic Parents"

The gaslighting, manipulation, extreme emotional shifts,
denial of reality, logical shifts - all can be part of an
abusive relationship. It may not be physical abuse, but it
works on one's self-esteem

[sheshe2]

15. Please do not go there right now.

This Op is about women abused at a FAR higher ratio than men. I would appreciate your doing your own OP about women as abusers.

Yes they exist, this OP is not about that.

To be clear, this OP is far from just physical abuse. Verbal abuse can be as deadly when you wish to destroy your target. The article describes all of that here.

[bucolic_frolic]

16. I will respect your wishes in your thread

but do not feel that being silenced accomplishes anything
as ignoring issues only hides them

Thanks

[sheshe2]

18. This is not the place, bucolic_frolic.

I am not asking you to silence your voice anymore than I would a woman. Please understand that.

There is a time and a place for everything, this one is for women. Please do make an OP of your own. I know the issue exists. Your voice needs to be heard in a thread of your making.

Thanks for understanding, I look forward to your OP.

[bucolic_frolic]

19. I'm not making my own OP

I'm just not posting on that subject here because of your request.
I'm not welcome to post my thoughts here. So I won't.

[niyad]

21. as was pointed out, you are welcome to post your own OP, nobody is silencing you, so

please do not imply that anyone is.

[bucolic_frolic]

27. This thread is still going?

I don't see why it's an issue for separate but equal.
But I'm not posting anymore about it.

[niyad]

28. but, you just did. and it will go on as long as people are interested in the subject.

would you please post the link to your article about male domestic violence victims?

[bucolic_frolic]

43. I'm sorry

I'm not here to offend anyone, I merely posted an abuse issue in an OP
about abuse.

I do think it is separate but equal, you have told me to take any
additional posts on that subject to my own separate thread. They
are not wanted here. And I'm not posting about them here, I'm just
sorting out the issue of where posts are allowed and where they
are not.

In retrospect, segregating aspects of the issue is a very civil thing
to do, though some folks such as myself see them as all from the same
root. I did not, and do not, seek to offend anyone. Any faux pas was
inadvertent.

[niyad]

46. you were asked by the OP not to hijack a thread about abuse of women. we see this

hijacking often when women's issues are discussed. there is nothing stopping you from posting your own concerns in another thread. would even lead to greater visibility. one wonders why you do not, since the issue of such great concern.

[sheshe2]

35. This is not about separate but equal.

You told me no way you would post about men being abused. Why is that?

It is an important issue, yet you will only post on mine about women and not one about men. This is about women. This is about us.


However. This would be my post to you when you post your own thread.

My dad abused my mom. They divorced after 26 years. Second marriage, A good one. She died of cancer 11 years later. The last one, we never liked her. In the end after his fall she dumped him in the hospital and walked out saying he was their problem. We got the call and brought him home. Stroke and Alzheimer he died a few years later.

Please make your own thread, It matters. Not sure why you refuse.

[bucolic_frolic]

44. Not sure why you refuse.

Perhaps because I don't want to, it's a subject I posted an observation
about, and not an ongoing interest, and also because I'm not an inferior
being taking orders? Equality is not being applied in that aspect.

Peace.

[raccoon]

49. Looks like you just want a fight. nt

[LanternWaste]

54. Like you, I also act petulant when someone is discussing

Like you, I also act petulant when someone is discussing the Jewish holocaust and I want to inject a wholly separate conversation about the Amerindian genocide.

I too pretend frustration when someone tells me they are different conversations and topics, yet I continue to push the narrative that their similarities compel us to discuss both simultaneously else I'm being unfairly... which let's us allege unequal treatment to better validate our own self-styled oppression and martyrdom.

[sheshe2]

37. Thank you, niyad.

[niyad]

38. you are most welcome

[Major Nikon]

34. That's not what the CDC says

Their latest report says for physical violence between intimate partners, the estimate is 5,365,000 for male victims and 4,741,000 for female victims over a 12 month period.
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf

The latest National Violence Against Women Survey found similar results.

If you want to talk severity of injuries, death, and certain other negative outcomes, there is a disparate impact between gender, but as far as physical violence goes, men and women hit each other at about the same rate.

If you want to have an actual discussion about domestic violence then it's probably not a bad idea to consider who is hitting whom as severe domestic violence tends to be an escalation of violence rather than a one time event. If anyone is hitting anyone it's a good idea to seek help or get out regardless of who is on which side of the first punch.

[niyad]

39. their latest report is from 2010.

[Major Nikon]

40. The key word being "latest"

They don't do these every year.

[Yavin4]

13. One of the lost lessons of the Oj saga

Even when the victim leaves her abuser, her life is still in danger.

[GreenEyedLefty]

17. Nicole's sister testified that O.J. grabbed his wife's crotch and said "This is mine."

This came to mind immediately when I heard DJT's boast. He's a completely repulsive person.

[niyad]

22. dear goddess, I had forgotten that!!

[Bernardo de La Paz]

14. Melania was 3 months pregnant. Advanced enough for Donald J tRump to know.

The video seems to have been shot around Sept. 16, 2005.

Barron was born March 20, 2006.

It is 185 days from the start date to the end date, or 6 months, 4 days excluding the end date.

Donald J tRump talked like that while he knew his wife was three months pregnant.

[sheshe2]

24. Yes he did.

[niyad]

20. k and r for this incredibly important information

[sheshe2]

25. Thanks

[spanone]

33. k&R...

[a la izquierda]

36. My last straw was when...

He hit me across the back with his skateboard...
Or when he called to demand I drive down "just to chill."
Or when he physically threatened me.
Different guys, all three.

[lovemydog]

42. You're a strong person.

You have so much to offer.

Congratulations for saying 'fuck this to each of them.'

[lovemydog]

41. Yes!

Fuck domestic violence.

Speak out. Support people who support women and children.

Each person has so much to offer.

Help them live their dreams in a safe and healthy environment.

[betsuni]

45. K&R

[niyad]

47. . . . .

[Rocknrule]

55. Trump is America's abusive boyfriend

complete with gaslighting of all shapes and sizes

"I was being sarcastic!"
"But but but Bill Clinton!"
"It was locker room talk!"
"I'll be a better man tomorrow!"