you HAVE TO read this obituary

[left-of-center2012]

William Ziegler

William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69. We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election. He leaves behind four children, five grand- children, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food.
William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts.
Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman. After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired.
Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob). Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor.
He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another. He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet.
Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.

[WillowTree]

1. Classic!!

[BeyondGeography]

2. Nothing less than a work of art

[madaboutharry]

3. He must have been fun.

He sounds like one of those people who made the world a little sunnier.

[rpannier]

4. Great Obit

I still think he's really alive though
He's living it up in Aspen with JFK, Hitler, Batboy and Trump's soul

[niyad]

8. der drumpfenfuhrer does not have a soul. . .or a heart. . . . or a brain. . .or courage.

[rpannier]

25. I know

They're all living in Aspen

[ashling]

28. No, just

More horcruxes

[Jopin Klobe]

18. "tRumps's soul" ...

... the jocularity never ends ...

[left-of-center2012]

5. I think he's still alive and ...

Probably working at a gas station in Arizona with Elvis.

[Zoonart]

6. Found him...

In the old folks home with Bubba Ho-Tep.

[cannabis_flower]

7. I bet

he wrote his own obituary because I don't think anyone would dare to write an obituary like that for someone else.

[annabanana]

31. or maybe Bob.

One or the other, surely.

[niyad]

9. here's to what was clearly one hell of a great guy:

[Tess49]

10. "the potted meat industry". (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob). Great lines. n/t

[Ruby the Liberal]

11. That is awesome

Sounds like William was the kind of guy I wish I had known.

RIP good sir.

[NurseJackie]

12. That's fantastic! (I'm sure Bob loved it, too.)

I'm guessing that Bob was probably his best friend.

[Fritz Walter]

13. Laissez les bons temps rouler

I wonder if he had the traditional New Orleans funeral procession.

[madamvlb]

14. What the hell did Bob do to him!

[left-of-center2012]

15. What the hell did Bob do to him!

[freebrew]

19. Well, if it was me...

I drank his last beer the night of the Senior party.

It was '68. And he had a promise.
(We all knew better)

Just kidding, of course.

[liberalla]

16. that was thoroughly enjoyable!

well done, Bill.

[blueseas]

17. Rest in Peace, Sir

Great Read!

[trof]

20. Handsome dude

x?w=130&h=180&option=1&v=0x0000000036a8336a

[montana_hazeleyes]

23. Very handsome!

[awoke_in_2003]

21. K&R. nt

[snacker]

22. This is great!

RIP William

[OhioBlue]

24. Thanks for sharing. That was great! n/t

[Hoyt]

26. Would love to see this become a trend in my local newspaper.

[alfredo]

27. Kick it

[TNNurse]

29. I am a fan of "real" obituaries

and by that I mean those who truly describe the person and their life. I have read quite a few and this is one of the best.
Doesn't it make you wish you had known him????

[jcgoldie]

32. That's awesome but...

Schaefer Light? C'mon man.