EDITORIAL: What I Said When My White Friend Asked for My Black Opinion on White Privilege

[ehrnst]

So, again, I’m glad you asked, because I really want to answer. But as I do, please know a few things first: 1) This is not even close to the whole list. I’m cherrypicking because none of us have all day. 2) I’ve been really lucky. Most of what I share below is mild compared to what others in my family and community have endured. 3) I’m going to go in chronological order so you might begin to glimpse the tonnage and why what many white folks might feel is a “Where did all of this come from?” moment in society has been festering individually and collectively for the LIFETIME of pretty much every black or brown person living in America today regardless of wealth or opportunity. 4)Some of what I share covers sexism, too – intersectionality is another term I’m sure you’ve heard and want to put quotes around, but it’s a real thing, too, just like white privilege. But you’ve requested a focus on personal experiences with racism, so here it goes:

1. When I was 3, my family moved into an upper-middle class, all-white neighborhood. We had a big backyard, so my parents built a pool. Not the only pool on the block, but the only one neighborhood boys started throwing rocks into. White boys. One day my mom ID’d one as the boy from across the street, went to his house, told his mother and fortunately, his mother believed mine. My mom not only got an apology, but also had that boy jump in our pool and retrieve every single rock. No more rocks after that. Then Mom even invited him to come over to swim sometime if he asked permission. Everyone became friends. This one has a happy ending because my mom was and is badass about matters like these, but I hope you can see that the white privilege in this situation is being able to move into a “nice” neighborhood and be accepted not harassed, made to feel unwelcome, or prone to acts of vandalism and hostility.

2. When my older sister was 5, a white boy named Mark called her a “nigger” after she beat him in a race at school. She didn’t know what it meant but in her gut, she knew it was bad. This was the first time I’d seen my father the kind of angry that has nowhere to go. I somehow understood it was because not only had some boy verbally assaulted his daughter and had gotten away with it, it had way too early introduced her (and me) to that term and the reality of what it meant – that some white people would be cruel and careless with black people’s feelings just because of our skin color. Or our achievement. If it’s unclear in any way, the point here is if you’ve NEVER had a defining moment in your childhood or your life, where you realize your skin color alone makes other people hate you, you have white privilege.

3. Sophomore year of high school. I had Mr. Melrose for Algebra 2. Some time within the first few weeks of class, he points out that I’m “the only spook” in the class. This was meant to be funny. It wasn’t. So, I doubt it will surprise you I was relieved when he took medical leave after suffering a heart attack and was replaced by a sub for the rest of the semester. The point here is if you’ve never been ‘the only one’ of your race in a class, at a party, on a job, etc. and/or it’s been pointed out in a “playful” fashion by the authority figure in said situation – you have white privilege.

https://goodblacknews.org/2016/07/14/editorial-what-i-said-when-my-white-friend-asked-for-my-black-opinion-on-white-privilege/

[RayOfHope]

1. I'm a white female. I had a tail light go out last week. My drivers side window doesn't roll down

because its broken (something electrical). I couldn't immediately get to the auto parts store to replace the light. This is was the day after the shootings of Alton Sterling and Philandro Castile. I couldn't help but think that if I were a black driver, the combination of being pulled over for the tail light, not being able to roll down the window to talk with the police officer, and possibly having to open my door instead would have very different consequences if I were black. Horrifying.

[ehrnst]

2. Concerning number 9, about being a black man driving a luxury car

In the early 90s, I dated a black man who drove an RX-7, who lived in a townhome community in a white suburb of DC.

I could not believe how many times we were stopped by police at night, for "broken tail lights" (when there was no broken tail light), or "speeding" when he was not.

Every time it was the same thing, he quickly pulled his wallet out, put it on the dash, and put both hands on the steering wheel.

Each time the officer would comment on what a nice car he drove. Each time he would smile, and say, "The Gulf War bought me this car, I was a pilot in the Navy." There would be a short conversation about where he served, and when, then he would be thanked for his service, and sent on his way. No further mention of the "tail light" or the "speed."

It blew my mind.

[uponit7771]

3. +1, this was my wifes reaction when we first got married... bout the 20th time she started crying...

... in front of the cops uncontrollably because she knew there was no reason for me to be stopped so many times.

The cop at the time said he was attracted to my "rims" (nothing special)

We ended up moving and I wasn't stopped but about twice but each time I would call her to make sure she knew what was happening.

My wife is black but grew up in the country outside of military bases where the LEOs didn't just stop some commanding officers black child for lights... that would get them in deep shit quick (her father was CSM of the base)... she had no idea.

Moved to Dallas... she got stopped once for speeding... she was speeding, signs change FAST here....no ticket... black cops... we were in heaven.

I could not stand to live in some of these areas were the police are an oppressive force in the community, I let me my cousins etc know all the time that there is better but moving isn't an option for them.

[Igel]

4. Most of this is just "majority privilege."

I could mirror at least the first three points. Kid was the only white kid around his age in the neighborhood. Got grief on the bus, on the way home. Nobody cared. Nobody interceded. Makes you angry, but what you can you do? Haters gonna hate, can't fix stupid.

I guess "white privilege" in this case is sending the kid to a different school. Of course, that's only possible because I work in a different school district.

Notice: In my neighborhood, I'm the minority. So our house gets tagged, trash thrown in the yard, and generally vandalized. Still not sure what to make about the 10" kitchen knife I found in our yard just around the corner from the front door. Was it thrown, or did somebody decide to carry it there--and if carried, why?

My Chinese boss was apparently the bearer of "white privilege."

[ehrnst]

5. The dominant culture is White, so most places in the US it's white privilege. (nt)

[irisblue]

6. This editorial has a thread in the African American group as well

[raven mad]

7. When some of my lifelong friends -

turned out to be black, I was shocked. We went to the same schools, ate the same foods (their collards were better. I learned to cook them finally.) Swam in the pool in the back yard.

Pre-1968.

Dad and mom were smart. Otherwise, I still wouldn't have the same friends some 50 years later.