6 Habits of Highly Empathetic People

[BlueMTexpat]

According to new research, empathy is a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives. But what is empathy? And how can you expand your own empathetic potential?

http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/6-habits-of-highly-empathetic-people

If you think you’re hearing the word “empathy” everywhere, you’re right. It’s now on the lips of scientists and business leaders, education experts and political activists. But there is a vital question that few people ask: How can I expand my own empathic potential? Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives.

But what is empathy? It’s the ability to step into the shoes of another person, aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that understanding to guide our actions. That makes it different from kindness or pity. And don’t confuse it with the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” As George Bernard Shaw pointed out, “Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you—they might have different tastes.” Empathy is about discovering those tastes.

The big buzz about empathy stems from a revolutionary shift in the science of how we understand human nature. The old view that we are essentially self-interested creatures is being nudged firmly to one side by evidence that we are also homo empathicus, wired for empathy, social cooperation, and mutual aid.

Over the last decade, neuroscientists have identified a 10-section “empathy circuit” in our brains which, if damaged, can curtail our ability to understand what other people are feeling. Evolutionary biologists like Frans de Waal have shown that we are social animals who have naturally evolved to care for each other, just like our primate cousins. And psychologists have revealed that we are primed for empathy by strong attachment relationships in the first two years of life.

[JNelson6563]

1. I work with a couple of people who are incapable of empathy.

It is a chilling experience.

[klook]

2. The story of Claiborne Paul Ellis alone is worth the click.

I didn't know about him. Now I need to go find that Studs Terkel book where he's interviewed.

(FYI - I resisted the urge to flippantly title my post "Empathy: What's in it for Me?" because I empathize with you, the OP author. Thanks for a good read!)

[bemildred]

3. Empathy is not a habit, it is a form of intelligence, a difficult one and it must be developed.

And if you grow up in an unempathetic environment you are not going to learn it.

There is no more important skill for a human being than understanding other humans.

[kairos12]

4. In that intelligence development I read once that empathy

is described as:

You don't feel for another person.

You don't feel like another person.

You feel as another person.

That is quite difficult to do and requires overcoming many barriers.

[uponit7771]

6. I agree as an adult maybe but not when growing up, people have to be taught empathy its not inate

[lunatica]

14. I've known many children, even quite small ones

who are definitely empathetic. Many children who are read to regularly will react in very empathetic ways to the stories. I've known many who have cried inconsolably when Bambi's mother is killed or when Tinker Bell is fading away.

What you probably mean is that children have to be socialized in order to fit into society's rules. Every pre-school and Kindergarten teacher works to socialize her students, but they don't teach children to be empathetic. They teach children to personalize what they would feel like if something they do to others happens to them. An Empath is someone who simply knows how others are feeling by actually feeling it themselves. Teachers don't get a degree in empathy because it is simply not taught, nor is it teachable.

[uponit7771]

16. +1, we read to our children even in the womb... seems smart goes with empathy

[bemildred]

7. You have to put your feelings aside and imagine someone elses.

Feelings, being what they are, are difficult to put aside, at times impossible.

And other people, believe it or not, don't always feel the same way you do, not at all.

And sometimes one must allow that one has erred in the past to fully understand someone elses feelings.

And feelings, of course, are not logical or reasonable, although they may be very understandable.

[sofa king]

18. That's the problem, right there.

Right-wing authoritarians have extreme difficulty "imagining" anything. They distrust creativity and generally insist on procedural solutions rather than thinking something through.

If one can't imagine how to program a VCR, there's no way one can imagine what it's like to live in poverty, to be racially profiled, or to be systematically denied opportunity. Those people have to experience the problem for themselves to begin to understand it.

A wonderful example of this was the endless public statements of dumbass Republicans who just decided our wars were bad, because their own children were being sent there. Until that moment, they didn't give a shit.

[uponit7771]

5. Sounds like a typical progressive, everything the right is against

[vanlassie]

8. I believe research shows the ability to express empathy

is directly related to attachment in the first three years of life. This is why meeting the needs of infants is critical.

[lostnfound]

9. Great article and its link to the Roots of Empathy even better

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/wisdom_of_babies

Canadian school program wherein a classroom has visits from a baby and its parents and follows it through its early development phases, as it grows in attachment or shows various personality traits. Worth a read.

[hamsterjill]

10. I wonder if there is a correlation politically?

Full disclosure, I've not had the opportunity to read the entire article, and I want to and will when I have the time.

I would imagine that there is a correlation between empathy and political party persuasion. I don't see very many empathetic Republicans. Does anyone else?

[BlueMTexpat]

11. The article doesn't specifically

address any political correlation.

I believe that empathetic Republicans are an endangered species. But it is probably safe to say that every one of those who were on the GOP platform committee or who will be cheering Trump-Pence and everything that ticket stands for in Cleveland this week is empathy-challenged.

[Igel]

13. To some extent we're taught empathy.

But it's also an inborn trait.

Empathy for those in your group is simple. It's what we do unless you've had those circuits suppressed because of abuse, some developmental problem. (Then there are always the genetic outliers, gifted in a lack of empathy or a surfeit. You want that diversity in your gene pool.)

Empathy across group boundaries is difficult. We're primates. We built communities. Which means we exclude others. Often we're taught who the others are, sometimes we just repeat the same generalizations.

A lot of people can't empathize with "pigs"--and it shows in how they label them, react to them, etc., etc. They're not "in the group." We don't even try to understand those not in our community because to do so weakens the community boundaries. If they're like us, why have the distinction "them" and "us." But if we think "we" are really special--that can be smarter, more empathetic, more oppressed, richer, more civilized, more "authentic"--then there's a boundary. And to reinforce that boundary we use tools--denial of empathy, attribution of inappropriate motives, over-generalize and stereotype, etc., etc. All the abstract and mental tricks that we see used in oppression of African-Americans we see in any group division that goes sufficiently deep.

Don't like being called a dehumanizing name? Fine. Then you have no grounds for calling cops "pigs."

Don't like harsh group divisions? Well, the reason for the division doesn't matter--the division and the results of that division matter. So "they can leave their 'color' any time, but we can't" says, "Hey, we're special. We deserve more, don't feel sorry for them."

Empathetic Republicans are not endangered any more than empathetic Democrats. The different is that we're empathetic for those we're in solidarity with, they're empathetic for those they're in solidarity with. This both creates and reinforces group boundaries.

[BlueMTexpat]

20. While I believe that you make a lot

of good points here, I believe that the way you are using "empathetic Republicans" is different from mine. I meant those GOPers who can truly identify with members of ALL groups, including OTHER, to the extent that they understand their POV, can understand how they too aspire to share equally in society's benefits, and are willing to work to make those aspirations happen. Some GOPers can and it is those who are the endangered species.

In the way that most GOPers (and some Dems btw) identify ONLY with people like themselves and do not even attempt to identify with others, that is NOT empathy, it is exclusionary group mentality. That exclusion is based principally on narcissism, willful ignorance and perceived self-interest, not empathy. It may and often does also include actual hatred of the "Other."

I can actually identify with Republicans. In my youth and early adulthood, I knew many and most are still good friends (some have since joined the Dem party), although our political choices are different (perhaps not this year). I can even identify with The Donald and his ilk. I can well understand exactly how those who feel themselves marginalized and disenfranchised - in both major parties - want something other than gridlock that does not help them in any way. I just cannot willfully throw my ability to reason out the window. Thus, despite my empathy, I can neither respect nor admire anyone (Rep or Dem) in any way whatsoever when they choose to exclude and/or mistreat ANY group not like themselves. When they do such and/or continue deliberately choose ignorance, my empathy may remain but my support, respect and admiration are gone.

I disagree that true empathy creates and reinforces group boundaries. However, exclusionary group mentality does.

[LWolf]

12. I have a problem with # 1.

I'm an introvert, living in my head, and trying to pass unnoticed among strangers. It's not that I don't care; it's that, as an introvert, I find that kind of interaction draining, so I conserve what I've got and don't randomly engage, at least, not on a serious level.

Still, given the right circumstances, I'll engage people I don't know.

# 4 is also challenging. For the most part, I'm pretty good at listening hard, and terrible at opening up. Except for my mother. She is the most difficult person to listen to I've ever met; she babbles continuously, circling around her subject without ever really getting to it, wandering off topic repeatedly, telling long, involved stories to give background that really isn't needed to understand whatever point she's trying to make...I've figured out that this is how she processes her experiences; she needs to talk. She needs me to listen. I've learned to make supportive noises now and then, allow my mind to wander, paying just enough attention to know what kind of noise to make, give up trying to make any logical sense of what she's saying (if there is a point, she'll finally get to it at the very end, winding down,) and let her talk. I don't think that's the kind of "hard listening" # 4 refers to.

I don't know where it fits in this particular view of empathy, but I HAVE found that one way to grow our own capacity for empathy is to be non-judgmental. You know. To not sort people into "us" and "them" groups, to not need to feel superior to people we disagree with, to accept people as fellow humans in different places on their own journeys...not really walking in their shoes, but recognizing their own humanity.

[treestar]

15. I have those people too

I attract them due to introversion. We appear willing to listen when we don't talk.

[LWolf]

17. I finally came to the conclusion,

after years of feeling guilty, that it's okay if I'm not giving my complete attention, as long as the speaker thinks I am; that way, he or she gets what she needs. And if something needs a response, I seem to be pretty good at figuring out what response they are needing, as well.

[BlueMTexpat]

22. I too am much more

introverted than not and it takes real effort to engage with strangers, although for the most part, when I do, I am happily surprised.

Your point about being non-judgmental is probably the hardest thing of all for me personally. But I believe that you are spot on in your analysis of that.

[LWolf]

24. I think that's the hardest one for all of us.

And, as such, probably the most important.

[tenderfoot]

19. Empathy is a sign of weakness if you're conservative

ask Ayn Rand.

[BlueMTexpat]

23. That may be why

I personally have never cared for the woman. I did at least read all her books many years ago. Interestingly, I identified more with the lesser characters.

[Warren DeMontague]

21. If you realize that you are everyone

Empathy and self interest become indistinguishable.