"I’m the father of a 21 year old daughter. There are lots of things I worry about."

[kpete]

I’m the father of a 21 year old daughter. There are lots of things I worry about. I worry about her being sexually assaulted, because that happens a lot. I worry about her being the victim of a drunk driver, because that happens a lot. I worry about her being the victim of gun violence, because lots of people die from gun-related injuries. Here’s what I do not worry about: I don’t worry about her being attacked in a restroom by a trans woman because (a) it has never happened; and (b) trans women are the most victimized group of people I’ve ever met, and the least likely to commit a crime of indecency in a restroom, because they are afraid of getting beat up when all they want to do is pee. And here is something else I don’t worry about: I don’t worry about my daughter being cruel and inhumane to trans men, women or kids, because my wife and I have raised her to have values and because she is a kind person. There are things to worry about. and then there are things people want you to worry about to conceal their agenda of discrimination and hate. Wake up.

https://www.facebook.com/steve.rudner/posts/10154115477302929

[rhett o rick]

1. I agree with your post but want to add that some women, supportive of trans-women and

not afraid of them, are afraid of men that might fake being trans-women. I have spoken to women that are liberal but have that concern.

[moonbabygo]

2. I have a 4 year old granddaughter

and I'm afraid some moron might fake being trans-women to gain access to little girls.

[rhett o rick]

4. I understand. It's not an easy issue. nm

[safeinOhio]

5. 100 times more likely it would

be a relative of hers. Even a father or brother.

[moonbabygo]

6. it only needs to happen once

and it wouldn't be her father, my son and her brother is only 1 month old. That aside, men who go after young girls or boys tend to put themselves in a position to be close to children. Example, Priest (some) day care providers.... you get my point

The fear is they will pretend to be transgender to gain access to little girls.

[safeinOhio]

8. I don't know any mothers that

allow a 4 year old go into a public restroom alone, but many allow relatives, both men and women, to be alone with them. I know women that were molested by adult women when they were small too.

[moonbabygo]

10. I would never do it

but I have seen others do it, typically they have other children and a carriage full of food/clothes waiting outside the door for their child.

You know what bothers me, I suspect transgender men/woman have been using bathrooms of the gender they identify with and no one has ever noticed them. Nothing has ever happened at least to my knowledge. Create a law and all of a sudden ignorance comes out on top and people are worried about their children being molested when this has been going on since the day of the first bathroom

[hatrack]

11. If you would never do it, then why are you publicly worrying about it?

[moonbabygo]

12. if my writings came out that I am personally worried

then I misspoke.

[hatrack]

14. Your very first post brought your granddaughter into the discussion - sounds personal to me

.

[moonbabygo]

16. that was in response to the post above nt

[safeinOhio]

13. Jared Fogle

dressed as a woman would be a dead give away.

[A HERETIC I AM]

43. The absolute LAST place to do that.....

"put themselves in a position to be close to children"

Is in a public restroom.

[onpatrol98]

48. It has happened...

But, it was a man with a boy in the men's room. It was not a Transgender issue. It was a 5 year old boy. Where I live there are more and more signs that request 5 and up males use the men's room. So, you may not let a 4 year old go to the bathroom alone, but a 5 year old often does. If you're a single parent, it happens all the time. These instances have not been because of Transgender people. These incidents are because of perverts who happened to end up in a bathroom with a child alone.

[HubertHeaver]

54. Wrestling coaches. Don't forget wrestling coaches.

[beergood]

79. "Wrestling coaches"

exactly, something needs to be done about this guy

[Lancero]

61. Children are more at risk by family or family friends then they are random strangers.

But don't let them stats and them facts get in the way of transphobia fear mongering

[Human101948]

78. Don't let your 4 yr old go to a public restroom alone...

What could you possibly be thinking?

[Dont call me Shirley]

56. Thread winner!

[MillennialDem]

15. So what's your solution?

[moonbabygo]

20. my solution to what exactly nt

[MillennialDem]

26. Transgender bathroom usage.

[moonbabygo]

27. Is this a trick question?

If I could find a solution to make everyone happy I would tell all. Really I wouldn't keep it to myself.

With that said I believe people should be able to use the bathroom of which they identify themselves with.

[MillennialDem]

32. All I was asking is what was your current solution. Whether it was perfect or not.

[FBaggins]

47. Setting the politics aside... allow me to ask a question

Do we know whether most transgender citizens would be ok with gender-neutral (co-ed - whatever) restrooms?

[MillennialDem]

49. I'm trans and are you asking - 3 bathrooms (male, female, co-ed) or 1 bathroom (anyone can use)

For the one bathroom solution, I'm ok with it.

For the three bathroom solution, I'm not.

I suspect most other trans folk are the same.

[FBaggins]

50. The second (1 bathrooom that anyone can use)

I confess that the entire issue confuses me then.

I keep reading about it as an LGBT issue, but I presume that lesbians have no concerns with using a female-only restroom, and gay men similarly have no trouble using a male-only restroom (and the same for bisexuals). So rather than an LGBT issue (except as a community support thing), it's really a T issue.

My assumption was just what you're saying (that most trans would have no trouble using a restroom with men and/or women), and thus should be comfortable with the current structure.

The only thing I can think is perhaps it's offensive to walk into a room that says that it's only for people of a gender that you don't consider yourself. Is that it?

Please forgive any ignorance. I have just about zero experience with the issue. My preference is not to share an adjoining stall with anyone. So single-person restrooms would be my preference

[MillennialDem]

51. Response

The only thing I can think is perhaps it's offensive to walk into a room that says that it's only for people of a gender that you don't consider yourself. Is that it?

No no no. That's not the issue. It's that I look 100% female (with my clothes on anyway). I really do. Never been kicked out of a woman's bathroom in 13 years or yelled at. Haven't been called he or sir in forever.

If I go in a men's room now, it's just going to lead to issues. Some men are going to yell at me to get out this is the men's room. Some will think I'm a slut and hit on me. Of course, most won't care just like when cis women go into the men's bathroom because there is a line in the women's or it's out of order.

I should do it as a social experiment though. Go into a men's room and see how long it takes before someone does or says something. 13 years vs probably 4 days :p

Please forgive any ignorance. I have just about zero experience with the issue. My preference is not to share an adjoining stall with anyone. So single-person restrooms would be my preference

On that we are in complete agreement!

[FBaggins]

82. Ah! Well... you learn something new every day. Thanks!

It's that I look 100% female

The only times I've noticed anyone - I wouldn't have been able to tell whether the individual was "trans" or a cross-dresser... or whatever. There never seemed to be a need to ask. I didn't consider cases where I wouldn't even notice.

So what's the current situation? The NC law was in immediate response to a Charlotte ordinance. I assume that the vast majority of areas have male restrooms and female restrooms and the laws are whatever they were in Charlotte a year ago. Is it illegal?

[MillennialDem]

83. Google this term

"facial feminization surgery"

It does WONDERS.

And yes you run into confirmation bias. The ones who don't pass stand out and you notice them. The ones who do pass - you don't notice.

[beergood]

81. "So single-person restrooms would be my preference"

agree, i hate sharing the restroom/locker room with anyone. i try to keep as much distance as i can between myself and everyone else when using public spaces.

[eridani]

63. Since it isn't a problem, it doesn't need a solution.

Pre-op transgendered women will hide away in the stalls--just like everyone else. Pre-op transgender men will always choose a stall over a urinal, for obvious reasons.

[puffy socks]

36. I think we should have computerized genital inspections at every public restroom.

like the TSA at the airport. We could have the suspected "women" straddle lighted mirrors . Suspected trans men could be taken to a room with a hole in the wall to be inspected.

[beergood]

80. would

they be a branch of the Federal Bikini Inspector (F.B.I) or be their own separate entity?

[nolabear]

18. It's a tough one all right. But trans people can't carry the transgressions of "straight" men.

It's rather like telling women they have to restrict their own lives because men will hurt them if they live the way they want to. It's as though the whole world has to sacrifice for the horrible acts of men who believe they can do whatever they want. And so few people will just come out and say that.

[mercuryblues]

22. You let

a 4 year old go to a public bathroom alone?

[moonbabygo]

23. ya all the time nt

[moonbabygo]

70. Is someone laughing

or are you just flexing muscles?

[moonbabygo]

85. so

what I do or don't do with my granddaughter is really none of your business or anyone else for that matter.

This is the end of our discussion

[gratuitous]

28. Then I would assert

Your problem is not with transgenders, but with pedophiles, the same concern you and everyone else had a month ago before the reactionaries ginned up their fake controversy over transgenders.

[moonbabygo]

29. correct nt

[puffy socks]

30. How does a person have more access to little girls posing as a trans person in a bathroom?

If they are that young shouldn't the mother be with her, or the father take her in his bathroom with him as my father did?
Will someone dressing up as a trans person go and look under stalls without other people seeing them? Wouldn't that and hanging around bathrooms raise eyebrows?
If the bathroom is empty and no one is around does it really matter if a man dresses up? No one will see them they can walk in as a man.
Maybe I am not seeing something?

[moonbabygo]

33. yes their parents "should" be with them

As for your other questions I wouldn't know

[puffy socks]

34. Parents "should" be True that happens all too often, but that would also be true then anywhere

not just bathrooms. Why then waste time to dress up as a transgender?

[moonbabygo]

35. beats me

You would have to ask a pedophile that question

[puffy socks]

37. How many faux transgeneder pedophiles have been arrested thus far?

Do we have any examples of such a thing happening?

[moonbabygo]

38. I think if we did we would know about

Sorry I just don't know. Maybe you could google it

[mercuryblues]

52. +1

A guy was arrested the other day for peeping a girl's bathroom. Guess what, he wasn't dressed as a woman to do it and he still got arrested.

[FBaggins]

46. Not me... at least not a restroom

OTOH, I understand that the original legislation included locker rooms.

I can see any number of teenage males trying to get into the ladies' locker room. Heck... it's the subject of dozens of summer teen movies.

[fasttense]

68. I have a 4 year old granddaughter and I trust her parents to escort her in public restrooms. n/t

[alarimer]

86. Name one instance of this ever happening.

And not some "My cousin's girlfriend's mother" sort of stories. I mean actual reported story. If it has, it is incredibly rare. After all, there are much easier ways for it to happen.

Your granddaughter statistically has more to fear from people she knows than from random strangers. In fact, that's true for all of us.

[Skittles]

88. you are listening to rightwing trash

[trotsky]

9. I think those same creeps would have been trying those stunts all along.

These so-called "bathroom bills" aren't empowering it. Woman, transwoman, or man - peeping or spying or molesting is a crime and always will be.

[farleftlib]

17. Yes they certainly would have by now

Pedophiles would have thought of it and executed it many times over. I think it's bias against
the transgendered than anything that makes people draw these false conclusions.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

25. Transfolk have been around you for a long time - never a problem.

Until some hateful teabagger raises the issue and now it's a big concern?

Let me summarize with one word : Bullshit.

[maddiemom]

39. So right!

I've been amazed (not in a good way) at some of the reactions here.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

41. My scalp is bleeding from all the head scratching!

[treestar]

53. How easy is it to fake?

And how common would that be? Plenty of assaults occur without the perpetrator going to that trouble.

[rhett o rick]

58. What's your point? nm

[treestar]

59. The claim about how assaulters will pretend to be trans

in order to assault women in rest rooms. How likely is that? Assaulters will just assault elsewhere, and why go to all the trouble to appear to be women - for someone not really trans, that would not be all that simple to do.

[rhett o rick]

62. I am conveying concerns from women I've spoken to. Granted it's a small sample but

they have a point. Those I've spoken to are sympathetic to trans-women but don't want to find that perverted men dressing up as women coming into their restrooms because it's now ok.

[treestar]

64. no they don't, they are just right wingers

what an absurd thing to be afraid of. The number of men who would just plain out assault them is far greater. Has there ever been a single case of a man dressing up as a woman to get into a restroom to assault women? That is a right wing excuse.

[Nye Bevan]

67. A guy did dress as a woman to spy on and film women in a women's restroom:

A man dressed as a woman was arrested in Virginia on Monday after police say he was caught peeping into restroom stalls three times in the past year.

Richard Rodriguez, 30, filmed a woman in a bathroom stall at the Potomac Mills Mall, Prince William County Police said on Tuesday. A 35-year-old woman was in the stall when she saw a bag moved toward her under the stall divider. Rodriguez apparently had been filming her, police said.

The victim rushed out of the stall to confront the man and saw him hurry to another stall, next to another woman. The victim alerted the woman and then contacted mall security of the shopping center on 2700 block of Potomac Mills Circle in Woodbridge, Virginia.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Man-Dressed-as-Woman-Arrested-for-Spying-Into-Mall-Bathroom-Stall-Police-Say-351232041.html

[Soxfan58]

65. Yes

It's not the trans individual that bothers me. It's the pedophile who decides that a wig and a dress is a good way to meet little girls. How do we protect rights and keep kids safe.

[liberalnarb]

71. Trans people have always been able to use the bathroom they identify with,

this is a relatively new issue. I've never actually heard of that happening before.

[rhett o rick]

72. I agree and understand. There may be no reason for women to be concerned

any more now than before but I have heard this concern and we shouldn't ignore it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

73. what a crock of shit concern. people these days have become really good as passing off their bigotry

as concern for children.

[rhett o rick]

74. Who's bigotry are you referring to?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

75. bigotry towards trans people.

this whole logic (not saying its your logic, just one you referred to), that men will pass as transwomen to harass kids makes literally no sense. If the laws around pedophilia (which are far more stringent than bathroom laws), aren't stopping men from molesting children, than no bathroom law will. women (both trans and cis) have been using women's bathrooms since forever, and the fact that this is a sudden and new concern, is a backlash against gay rights and trans rights. has nothing to do with protecting children.

it's not a complex problem, it's complex bigotry.

[rhett o rick]

76. I am a male and agree with your concerns about the bigotry involved here, but

I also recognize the concern of women that has been expressed to me. Again, it's a very small sample but an important one. One might say that logically nothing is changing, but I've been around a long time and say it's necessary to address their concerns. Telling women that their concerns are not logical has never worked for me.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

77. you could point out the flaws in her logic, but IMO if they don't change their mind

people are not looking for solutions. they are looking for an excuse to continue their bigotry.

[moonbabygo]

3. well 21 is not a child nt

[maddiemom]

40. I assume he means when his daughter was at a "vulnerable" age---and he is still her father.

[Skittles]

57. I was a sergeant when I was 21

[UtahLib]

7. K&R. nt

[world wide wally]

19. So, what poses a bigger threat?

A TG woman in the ladies room with your daughter, or Dennis Hastert in the men's room with your son?

[moonbabygo]

21. Dennis Hastert of course

like I said I think this has been going on since the day of bathrooms

[Scuba]

24. For those offended by transgender people in the restroom, I suggest ....

... they just look the other way like they do for war, corruption and homelessness.

[LuckyLib]

45. ^^^This!^^^^

[beergood]

31. a funny vid

that address this topic

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

42. ROFL!

[Victor_c3]

44. As a father to two girls I completely agree with you

I used to never care either way about the transgender issue until I watched a really great documentary almost 5 years ago about children who were convinced they were the opposite sex. As a father of two children aged 5 and 7 it really hit me when I watched it. If my kids decided that they weren't comfortable being the gender they were born as I'd do everything I could to make them comfortable.

I have no idea of the name of the documentary, but it followed several families around and went over the stories of people who were convinced that as toddlers or very young children that they were the opposite sex. Kid's that young have no ulterior motive to feel such way so I believe that they are genuine - as I've come believe that all transgender people are genuine. The families in the documentary were extremely supportive of their children and did their best to help them with what they were going through. It really brought about a greater understanding of what they go through.

Transgender people aren't sexual deviants or perverts. They are people who are very much like me.

As a parent, there is nothing my children could do to make me not love them. If they were criminals and murderers I'd certainly be disappointed and hurt, but I'd still love them. Being transgender or gay certainly wouldn't make me disappointed in my children. I'd be distraught in that I know that they'd face a whole slew of hurdles straight people don't face, but I wouldn't be disappointed. Who wants their kids to have to face hardship in their lives? Well, they wouldn't face those hurdles in my home.

I know that this doesn't happen all the time, but home and family should always be safe place for a person. It tells me a lot about people when I hear that they could disown their children.

[Thespian2]

55. K & R !!!

[Iwillnevergiveup]

60. BINGO!

Rec #100.