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Poking fun at the potty obsessed Governor of NC--with some digs at teacher pay and voter fraud, too
An edited version of this column appeared today in the print edition of the Raleigh NewsObserver.
As a lifelong resident of the great potty-obsessed state of North Carolina, let me just say “Thank You!” to my Governor, Pat McCrory, and the wise leadership in the General Assembly for the passage of House Bill 2, which, among other things, ensures that I, and my daughter, will never be accosted by a rapist pretending to be a transgendered woman while we’re doing our business and freshening our makeup. Saints be praised.
<snip>
Y’all, I can’t say enough about how protected I feel by my big, strong heterosexual governor. Incidentally, the law doesn’t affect transgendered folk who have gotten their birth certificates changed. I suppose this means that anyone who looks a little shaky in those knock-off Louboutins could whip out the birth certificate to the inevitable Restroom Birth Certificate Inspector who must be on duty to protect and serve.
Thank you, Governor McCrory and General Assembly. With the exception of a few malcontent Democratic state senators, you have saved womankind. Perverts everywhere must surely be scurrying into other less progressive states to plan their bathroom assaults.
Here’s the thing: Pat McCrory has clearly never spent any time in a ladies’ rest room or he would know that we go in pairs or even packs. Ain’t nobody messing with us in there, least of all a heterosexual rapist masquerading as a woman. If threatened, we will circle him like the rental chairs at a bridal shower and we’ll kick his butt six ways from Sunday. Anything else just wouldn’t be Christian.
<snip>
Y’all, I can’t say enough about how protected I feel by my big, strong heterosexual governor. Incidentally, the law doesn’t affect transgendered folk who have gotten their birth certificates changed. I suppose this means that anyone who looks a little shaky in those knock-off Louboutins could whip out the birth certificate to the inevitable Restroom Birth Certificate Inspector who must be on duty to protect and serve.
Thank you, Governor McCrory and General Assembly. With the exception of a few malcontent Democratic state senators, you have saved womankind. Perverts everywhere must surely be scurrying into other less progressive states to plan their bathroom assaults.
Here’s the thing: Pat McCrory has clearly never spent any time in a ladies’ rest room or he would know that we go in pairs or even packs. Ain’t nobody messing with us in there, least of all a heterosexual rapist masquerading as a woman. If threatened, we will circle him like the rental chairs at a bridal shower and we’ll kick his butt six ways from Sunday. Anything else just wouldn’t be Christian.
Do read the whole column here: http://celiarivenbark.com/2016/04/the-guv-doesnt-speak-for-my-north-carolina/
Tomorrow the NC Legislature opens for its regular short session. There will be protests and Moral Mondays will be back in force, celebrating
its Third Anniversary with a rally and sit-ins against "Hate Bill 2" (HB 2) For a schedule of the planned events http://www.naacpnc.org/
https://www.facebook.com/North-Carolina-NAACP-153909614646324/
9 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
Jimmy tossed in some additional lyrics to his song Great Filling Station Holdup:
http://www.buffettnews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=70&t=95560
(snip)
Well I was sittin' down in the Waffle House confused as I could be
Ever since I heard the news, I don't know where to pee
Here in North Carolina, it's open to debate
Old folks here use common sense and others legislate
But still I don't wanna be anywhere other than here
Maybe out on the outer banks, sipping on a beer
No I'm gonna be anywhere other than here
Cause that great legislation holdup might cost 'em a lot next year
Yeah that great legislation holdup might cost 'em a lot next year
(snip)
