No One in Nation Notices Total Disappearance of Chris Christie—except Andy Borowitz

[Mira]

TRENTON (The Borowitz Report)—No one in the United States has taken note of the total disappearance of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who vanished from view several weeks ago.

In interviews with residents across the country, few if any Americans displayed interest in, or concern about, the whereabouts of Christie, who, until he disappeared, had been a once-prominent political figure.

"I hadn’t really thought about him until you mentioned it,” said Trenton resident Carol Foyler, echoing the opinions of many others in the Garden State.
“Huh,” she added.

Tracy Klugian, a resident of Teaneck, said that it took him a moment to remember who Christie was, but then acknowledged that it was “kind of weird” that he had disappeared.

“I mean, he used to be here and now he’s not,” he said. “Whatever.”

At the University of Minnesota, the historian Davis Logsdon said it was “highly unusual” for a governor of such a major state to simply drop off the radar without anyone noticing.

“Chris Christie’s disappearance raises a whole host of questions,” he said. “Where did he go? When did he leave? Does he plan to come back? To be honest with you, I don’t care.”

Efforts to contact Governor Christie for this article were not made.



www.borowitzreport.com

[FSogol]

1. "Efforts to contact Governor Christie for this article were not made."

[Jennylynn]

22. Omg. I would have missed that last, switcheroo line, if you hadn't printed it!

I figured it said the usual....'for this article went unanswered.'.....LOL! Poor Christie.

[Old Crow]

23. That closing line was the funniest part of the whole piece.

Loved it!

[blm]

27. hah!!!

.

[LAS14]

2. After shots of him sitting meekly...

... in a chair behind Trump I'm not surprised that he went off and crawled in a hole. At the time I thought to myself, "This can't go on!"

[HuskyOffset]

17. I'd suggest . . .

that he should crawl into his own a-hole, but scientists tell me that that amount of mass in that amount of space could cause a singularity, which would be dangerous.

[leftieNanner]

30. Now I have to go pour bleach in my ear to get that image out of my head

thanks loads.

[felix_numinous]

3. He's busy with his offshore accounts

there's a shift in the wind.

[C Moon]

24. That's a good point!

[Scuba]

4. Who? Did he used to be somebody?

[randr]

5. Fat Farm?

Trump probably has in a program for rapid weight reduction.

[90-percent]

10. Trump's fat farm

yes. i've heard it's yuuggggggeeeee and he only hires the leading weight loss experts that are the best, the absolute best in their field. you go there and you'll end up being too skinny unbelievably skinny. and fit too. And no Muslims or illegals allowed!

-90% Jimmy

[WestMichRad]

6. Hiking the Appalachian Trail?

Er, no, probably not.... not sure he could (in either the literal or figurative sense)!

[eridani]

36. Helpful hint--if you get to Buenos Aires, you've gone too far south! n/t

[HillareeeHillaraah]

7. He's sprucing up his resume

And looking for a job...in the private sector no doubt.

[MynameisBlarney]

8. Hehe

Private sector as in the mob would not surprise me.

[chknltl]

9. With all those forks sticking out of him....

....and impending litigations he has decided to lay low?

[Helen Borg]

11. Well, he was told to "go home" by the big boss!

[left-of-center2012]

12. Trump no longer needs him n/t

[Plucketeer]

13. I thought the air smelled cleaner!

[AlbertCat]

14. Perhaps....

.... he's stuck in traffic on some bridge.

[George II]

15. Not sticking up for him, but he hasn't disappeared. He's made public appearances.....

...all around the state. In fact, just yesterday he announced his nominee for the NJ Supreme Court.

[Surya Gayatri]

16. And, goodness knows, he's not an easy guy to camouflage...

[Helen Borg]

19. He'd camouflage well among pigs!

[Helen Borg]

18. Haha, do you mean he humiliated himself like that all for nothing?

[Gene Debs]

20. It's not that nobody noticed. Everybody noticed. It's just that no one cares.

[KamaAina]

21. And Krispy Kreme franchisees throughout New Jersey

several of whom have filed for bankruptcy.

[FighttheFuture]

25. Chris "Fat fingers" Christie sleeps with the fishies...

RIP his political career.

[djean111]

26. He may be just waiting by the phone - hoping the GOP will tap him in order to keep

Trump out. There may be a lot of ex-candidates nourishing that hope.

[Kalidurga]

28. Another true story by Andy Borowitz

I for one hadn't noticed Chris Christie had disappeared didn't miss him a bit. I just wish he had taken a few more Cons with him like Ted Cruz.

[awoke_in_2003]

29. He's pining for the fjords. nt

[hamsterjill]

31. Uh, I did...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027730015

Post # 23.

But I don't care either, honestly.

[Hoppy]

32. His Rotundity is now focused on fixing the Atlantic City debacle.

[2cannan]

33. Remember this?

Twitter Wonders Whether Trump Held Christie ‘Hostage’ On Super Tuesday
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/twitter-christie-trump-hostage-super-tuesday

[Marie Marie]

34. Pardon my redundancy but

I love Borowitz.

[malaise]

35. Trump dissed him more than he dissed

David Wildstein.
This is great

[Warren DeMontague]

38. couldnt happen to a nicer fella.

get your tongue off my boot, and get on your plane!

[Warren DeMontague]

37. And he's not an easy man to hide.

Know what I'm sayin'?