More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Leap Day 2016 Edition
There are a number of things that happen only once every four years:
* The Summer Olympics
* February has 29 days instead of 28 (well, technically, in years ending with -00 but not equally divisible by 400 they don't, but that won't happen again until 2100 and I doubt most of us will be here to see that)
* The Republican Party puts on a circus of the inane to find the dumbest, most bigoted asshole they can--and run him for President!!!
So here we go, on this Leap Day we leap into the swamps of right wing doublethink once more.
(No. 22 in a series)
A few returning entries, first.
The staggering hypocrisy of Birthers who support Calgary Cruz:
* A man born in Canada to an American mother and a foreign father is eligible to be President; a man born in Hawaii to an American mother and a foreign father is not.
Since Cliven Bundy's hellish drop were in the news in January:
* The government has no right to stop cattle grazers from illegally using public land for their private gain.
* You revere the Founders, the Flag, and the Constitution, but deny the existence of the Federal Government created by the Founders and the Constitution.
* A deadbeat rancher who refuses to pay his grazing fees has the moral authority to cast aspersions on other people accepting "government subsidies".
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* You're not a bigot. You just think homosexuals are sick, unnatural, Satanic, and deserving of no legal protection or the right to marry.
* You're not a sexist. You just think women are nothing but baby machines and servants.
* Anybody who sheds tears over the brutal murder of first graders has to be faking it.
* A guy who's been married multiple times and has a creepy erotic interest in his own daughter has the moral authority to call Bill Clinton sexist.
* Just because Neo Nazis and the KKK love Donald Trump doesn't mean he's a fearmonger pandering to racists.
* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin and Kim Jung Un.
* The release of 10 US Sailors and five other prisoners by the Iranians, using diplomacy instead of threats and warfare, is a bad thing.
* The water crisis in Flint, Michigan was undoubtedly caused by excessive government regulation. (I haven't actually seen that claim yet, but give it time...)
* You're big on "small government" and "personal responsibility" right up until your own policies poison thousands of people and you need federal disaster relief money.
* Daesh is going to invade the posh section of Miami any day now.
* It is terrible that all of our jobs have been sent to China, so you want to elect a guy who has Chinese laborers manufacture his own "signature line"
* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married avatar of Mammon who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.
* A sure sign of the Presidential toughness needed to deal with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, and Daesh is refusing to show up to a debate where a woman may ask tough questions.
* You blame the shooting death of an unarmed black teenager by a policeman or a vigilante on the black teenager. You blame the death of a militant occupying a Federal facility who pulled a gun on the FBI on the FBI and the entire US government.
* The protections of the 14th Amendment apply to embryos, but not to LGBT adults.
* Donald Trump's business record is one of the reasons he is qualified to be President. Do not talk about Donald Trump's business record because doing so is a liberal smear campaign and he'll sue you.
* It's okay if the highest court in the land is short handed for basically an entire year.
* Ronald Reagan nominating a Supreme Court justice in the year his successor would be elected was a just and proper use of Constitutional executive authority. Barack Obama nominating a Supreme Court justice in the year his successor is to be elected is a blatant overreach and antithetical to the proper use of Constitutional executive authority.
* We must honor Antonin Scalia's devotion to "strict constructionism" of the Constitution by keeping the President from nominating a Supreme Court Justice during the last year of the President's term. It's got to say something about that in the Constitution somewhere, right?
* You can literally wallow in your own shit for a month to avoid begin sent to Vietnam but still call yourself a war hero.
* It's impossible that a 79 year old man with a history of heart troubles and high blood pressure could have died of natural causes.
* It is inappropriate of the Pope to question the religious faith of a man who constantly questions Barack Obama and Ted Cruz's religious faith.
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