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A day in the life of Vice President Chris Christie.
10 AM, Oval Office.
Christie: Yo, boss, got a second?
Trump: Hey, Chris, I was thinking about changing my comb-over to the other side. What do you think?
Christie: Shaves years off, boss. Years. Looking good, boss.
Trump: You think?
Christie: About what?
Trump: Years. I look years younger?
Christie: It's like I stepped into a freakin' time capsule or something, boss. Years. Decades. Hot outta the freakin' womb.
Trump: Yeah...you're right. I'm smokin' hot.
Christie: Smokin, boss, smokin. At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet and a freight train running through the
middle of my head.
Trump: I'm on fire.
Christie: Fire boss. Fire.
Trump: Who did I fire?
Christie: No, boss. You're on fire.
Trump: Got that right. Say, what did you want?
Christie: Huh?
Trump: You came in here to tell me something.
Christie: Oh yeah. You know that thing?
Trump: What thing?
Christie: You know, that thing. The thing.
Trump: Oh, yeah. What's going on with that thing? You take care of that thing?
Christie: Yeah, boss. I took care of that thing.
Trump: Anyone see you take care of that thing?
Christie: Just me and the paper shredder, boss. Just me and the paper shredder. On the down-low, Q-T, hush hush. fuggedaboudit.
Trump: You sure?
Christie: Yeah, I slipped Wolfowitz a fiver and had him watch the door. Some Secret Service guy tried to stick his head in the door and I yelled "HEY, I'm WORKIN' here," and scared the beejezus outta him. He won't be giving us any more trouble. Has a mother out in Scranton. I asked "How's your mom" and I think the son of a bitch pissed himself.
Trump: This mom, is she with us?
Christie: Voted for Hillary, boss.
Trump: Okay, do this, send some of the boys in a van. White van, unmarked. Have them sit on mom's house for a while. Take a fish, wrap it in newspaper, leave it on mom's welcome mat.
Christie: Done, boss.
Trump: Now, about that thing.
Christie: Took care of that thing, boss.
Trump: No, not that thing. The other thing.
Christie: Which thing, boss?
Trump: You know, the thing. That thing.
Christie: Oh...gotcha, boss. The thing.
Trump: You take care of that thing yet?
Christie: This afternoon, boss. Guy won't see it coming.
Trump: Now, I got this other thing I need you to handle.
Christie: Another thing, boss?
Trump: yeah, I got this thing. You up for it?
Christie: I dunno, boss. I mean, he's the Pope.
Trump: Where are you, Chris?
Christie: The Oval Office?
Trump: Goddamn right. And who sits behind that desk?
Christie: Uh...you, boss?
Trump: Goddamn right. And if I was able to get that desk, tell me what I can't do.
Christie: Uh...heal the sick and blind, boss? Take five small loaves and a couple of fish and feed 5000 people, boss?
Trump: Did that yesterday. Everyone was saying "This is some very good fish, President Trump." Fish everywhere. Never seen so much fucking fish in your life.
Christie: But the Pope, boss?
Trump: Get on it, and take Liddy with you.
Christie: Liddy? Jesus, he's crazy, boss.
Trump: And I'm not?
Christie: When you're right you're right, boss. Got me on that one.
Trump: Goddamn right.
Christie: You were right, boss. You have made America great again.
Trump: You believed that shit?
Christie: Er...no, boss, I was just makin' a joke about all of the rubes who did.
Trump: Good one, CC. Now get your ass out of here and go see that guy about seeing that guy so he can go see the other guy about our friend in the Vatican.
Christie: You got it, boss.
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