Fiorina Cheers Self Up By Firing Campaign Staff - reveals Andy Borowitz

[Mira]

Last edited Tue Feb 9, 2016, 11:43 PM - Edit history (1)

NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—After suffering a poor showing in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday night, the former Hewlett-Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina cheered herself up by firing her entire campaign staff, fired staffers confirm.

Minutes after the returns started coming in, revealing that Fiorina had no chance of making a respectable showing, the former business executive acknowledged that she was “sad at first—but then I realized that every failure is an opportunity, and in this case I had an opportunity to give some people the axe.”

After delivering pink slips to her entire campaign staff, Fiorina said, “I started feeling better already.”
“That’s the one thing you have to understand about Carly Fiorina—she doesn’t stay down for long,” she said.

Fiorina said that she had “no regrets” about running for President, despite her dismal showing in New Hampshire. “I got to downsize a lot of people tonight, and that makes me a winner,” she said.

www.borowitzreport.com

[Electric Monk]

1. Horowitz? Borowitz. nt

[Mira]

2. LOL - my software autocorrected

He's too good to be a Horowitz

on another note: isn't it wonderful that hate filled woman is almost out the door

[Ilsa]

3. That is so funny.

Of course with republicans, it almost writes itself. Love Borowitz!

[Brother Buzz]

4. The staff is still in the dark and wondering why they were handed a blank sheet of pink paper

Fiorina tried using an HP® printer to generate the "pink slips".

[lpbk2713]

5. Following the same timeline as Krazy Katherine Harris.

It's as if she's channeling her.